Lost Journal Entries 2 : The Return Trip East

Alright, let’s get down to brass tax; here are the journal entries for the return trip. Same as before, I will keep the untainted, original version in regular font, and anything I’m adding to that will be in italics. It’s really complicated, I know. You’ll have to deal with it. Oh yeah, and I’m going to eat a scalding, lava-hot chicken pot pie (which I guarantee I will burn the fuck out of my mouth as I eat) while I’m typing this, so…there may be typos or random aggressive comments as a result of me being in pure pain from eating something WAY too hot, and this might be something you’ll have to deal with. Prepare for that, I guess. I don’t intend for my language or comments to offend anyone, but uh… well, here we go.

12/10/09

Hollywood

I am starting up the journal again for the return trip back east. I haven’t written anything about the weekend trips, so I’ll have to add them in later on. I start out going to Hollywood with Hogan after work Thursday, Dec. 10.

So I picked up the journal again after my few months working in California. Each weekend we took a trip to some awesome place and had crazy fun-times, but like I said, I’ll have to add that in later (maybe?). As for where we lived, it was in the middle of the state, middle of no-where, cow-farm Lemoore (the horrendous combination of water with sulfur and cow shit gave the entire town a nearly unbearable stench. It stings the nostrils). After planning the return trip back to Malvern (and back to Boston after Christmas), I had to wake up to the stark reality of returning to a life of actual responsibilities and cold weather, and departed California.

I arrived in LA following Hogan after work (a short day: we said our goodbyes to the people we met at the base and left at about 10:00 am). His hotel was in Universal City, right next to Universal Park. I was staying in his hotel room because I had already used up my GE hotel stipends for the other nights of the road trip. We started off walking around the park. It was much too expensive to go in, but cool to see for a bit.

w00t - Universal Studios Hollywood

We then took a train to Hollywood. We saw the Hollywood walk of fame and the Chinese Theater. We had both been there within the past few months, so we didn’t really do anything new. We went to an Irish pub and had some food and beer. We then played a game of pool, which I accidentally won.

After getting drunk at about 6:00 pm, we took a bus down to Mar Vista to meet up with Hogan’s friend and road trip companion. Similar to the first road trip, I am driving alone, but periodically meet up with Hogan at Phoenix and El Paso. It was a very sketchy, crappy area. We eventually met up, but not before a few rounds of bowling. As usual, I was terrible. We had a Tecate (our last Californian/Mexican beer; we had grown to love this beer…kind of…during our time out west) at a Mexican bar, where we were the only people speaking English. A creepy woman started talking to us about how “guapo” we were and about her “unfortunate” body proportions. Yeah, that really happened. We went down to another bar by the beach and had a few pitchers. Then we took an EXTREMELY expensive cab ride back to the hotel. Kind of a weird, eclectic day in the LA area.

12/11/09

Phoenix

I woke up and drove to Phoenix, hitting only a little traffic in LA. The Sun was already setting when I got there, plus I lost an hour on the way (damn you Arizona, for arbitrarily deciding not to adhere to daylight savings, thus inconveniencing me slightly!), but I got to see a lot of Saguaro cacti: that really famous, tall cactus that basically represents desert life in the southwest, and only grows in Arizona and California. You need a special permit if you plan to cut any down for construction purposes. I actually got out of my car on the side of the highway to take pictures of them: they were THAT cool. Also, I passed a huge wind farm along the way. It had thousands of wind turbines, so it was pretty freaking amazing. MORE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. I admit it: I’m kind of a nerd when it comes to wind turbines.

Arriving in Phoenix, I soon realized there isn’t much to do. I walked around and saw some buildings and a park, but the Sun had already set, so I couldn't really do that much exploring. I walked by Chase Field and the US Airways Center (where the Suns are playing the Magic tonight). I am going to meet up with Hogan to try to watch the game at a bar.

OK, I’m back. We went to a little pizza place near the stadium. It had great pizza and cheap pitchers of beer. We stayed a while after closing because the owners were super nice. After that, we went to another bar where this really drunk girl kept falling all over Hogan. As she was being taken to a cab, her fairly unattractive friend (who, instead of escorting her friend home, stayed at the bar) then started hitting on Hogan. I had a good rofl at this entire situation. We went upstairs, which was an open roof where they had a DJ playing techno songs. It was actually really cool. There was some person that, for some reason, decided to wear a costume, hockey mask, and wig. It sipped its drink through a straw through the holes in the mask and danced really girly, but we had no idea if it was a guy or a girl. I actually remember being kind of weirded out by that fact, and we still have no idea what it was.

12/12/09

El Paso, TX

I left really early and drove straight to El Paso, Texas. I passed through the remainder of Arizona and a bit of New Mexico to get there. I remember feeling slightly upset about leaving the southwest, because I really found it to be a cool and interesting place. Plus, you can drive REALLY REALLY fast, and nobody gives a crap. Because there is nobody there. El Paso is a really small town right next to Juarez, Mexico. I walked around a bit, but there isn’t really that much to do or see. There are a ton of Mexicans; I only walked by two people who were speaking English. IN THE ENTIRE CITY. I had a couple burritos for lunch, and they were damn good. The menu was only in Spanish, and that is all the waitress spoke, so I’m still not entirely sure what I ate. One of them was friggn spicy though. At this point in the trip, I DO NOT YET KNOW THE DEFINITION OF SPICY. More to come.

Later on, I decided to walk over to Juarez. Mistake. There didn’t seem to be any kind of Customs process to get into Mexico, you just…sort of…walk over a bridge? I remember getting to the end of the bridge and paying 50 cents, but I really don’t know if that was necessary…or legal (I honestly didn’t know what the fuck was going on). I stood out like a sore thumb. Everyone on the streets knew I was American; it felt pretty dangerous. I only later learned the Juarez has the highest murder rate AND rate of American kidnappings in all of the Mexican border cities. Super. The homeless would ask for change from me especially, and the guys trying to swindle money always came directly to me to lead me to some “massage place.” I eventually found an open market near a really old Mission. There were thousands of people here, either going into random crappy side-street stores or eating food from the street vendors. It was an ok place, but I wanted to get out of that city immediately. I had my passport, so getting back into the US was fairly easy. Yeah, don’t go to Juarez guys. For that matter, don’t even bother going to El Paso. You aren’t missing much.

I met up with Hogan and his friend for dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Carlos and Mickey’s. It was really cool; they had a live band and enormous margaritas. I’m not kidding; it was probably a half-gallon of margarita. One was enough to get me tipsy. The food was great, although we were a little full from the margaritas. They had some amazing chips and spicy salsa (again, I have no idea what level of spiciness is in store for me later in the trip). When my chimichanga came out (and it was DELECTABLE), I was too full to eat much of it.

I had a drink back at the bar in my hotel after dinner. It was a fun place; I think I was unknowingly crashing a wedding party, but I was definitely drunk, so I didn’t give a crap.

12/13/09

Carlsbad Caverns and Guadalupe Mountains National Parks

After hitting snooze a few times (hangover related), I drove a short distance to Guadalupe Mountains and Carlsbad Mountains National Parks (they are only a 20 minute drive apart). I got lost a bit trying to find the caverns, but eventually made some random turns and stumbled upon it. Carlsbad Caverns is a huge cave system in New Mexico, on the border of Texas. It was pretty mind blowing, just FYI. The entrance to the cave is a long path down into the ground. Eventually you make your way to the bottom (well, bottom-ish) of the cavern. The depth there is 750 feet below the surface. I did the “Big Room” loop, which takes you past most of the cool cave stuff. There were stalactites, stalagmites, and all sorts of crazy cave stuff. Thanks, I AM great at describing things!

After I did the Caverns (and note that I hadn’t gone anywhere for food, I just had snacks that were in my car for every meal), I drove over to Guadalupe Mountains National Park. I hiked a few short trails, saw “Nipple Hill,” you know, the usual. Hahaha, I forgot about Nipple Hill. Oh man, it looks like a single, ripe boob growing out of the ground. That’s when the fun began. I was so proud of myself, because this was the first time I was going to set my tent up when it was still light out! This is true; every time we had gone camping during my stay in CA, or on the road trip west, I had always run out of light and set up my tent in the dark. I remember being super pumped about being on schedule for once. However, it was even windier than Joshua Tree National Park, so my tent was NOT going to get set up. If I end up writing about Joshua Tree, you guys are in for a treat. It was so windy that after attempting to set up my tent for 20 minutes, I had to give up and stay in Hogan’s shorter tent, which we managed to set up despite the wind. I tried for a friggn LONG time, but every time I got one pole set up, the rest of the tent blew down. I even had rocks inside to keep it from moving. Then I replaced the rocks with boulders. By the time I gave up, I had seven large boulders taking up a majority of the floor of the tent. Eventually I had to give in to the fact that it was not happening. I opted to sleep in the car.

Sleeping from 5:30 pm to midnight (camping in the winter sucks, because when you camp, you really can’t do shit after the Sun goes down), I woke up periodically to view some spectacular shooting stars; apparently it was one of the biggest meteor showers the south had ever seen. Some of them were insanely bright. I then drove to San Antonio (losing an hour along the way). Driving in Texas is interesting; there are different night and day speed limits (I’m pretty sure the night speed limit is a bit slower because the day speed limit is literally faster than you would have time to react to given your reduced field of vision). Some of the limits were 80 mph. They also have random speed increases (like 70 to 80 mph) for about 20 feet, and then back down. I had no idea why, and it was REALLY confusing, especially given the fact that I was pretty tired (I was driving from midnight till 8:00 am to get to San Antonio). While I was horrendously tired from an awful night’s sleep in my car, it was a cool drive. Driving 80 mph with no other cars on the highway, and about every minute I’d see another shooting star. It was something I doubt I’ll ever experience again. I have yet to decide whether or not this is a good thing.

12/14/09

San Antonio

I got to San Antonio in the morning and checked into my hotel early. I bumped into Hogan (who at this point was a day ahead of me in the road trip, so he was leaving San Antonio), but he looked hung-over and in need of a nap. Then I went out and explored the city. It was cloudy and foggy, so I didn’t feel like being too aggressive in my adventuring. I basically went around and saw everything cool that wasn’t the Riverwalk and the Alamo (I was waiting for nicer weather to see them).

After I saw some stuff, I decided to drive over to Chunky’s Burgers to try the famed Four-Horseman Burger. I had been waiting to do this since July, when I heard about it and saw the “Man vs. Food” episode that featured the burger. When I drove there, it was closed. I was devastated. Apparently it is closed on Mondays. I vowed to leave San Antonio late tomorrow so I can go there for lunch. I say this without hyperbole: this is the worst mistake of my entire life. Even six months after the fact, and with a kickass story to go with it, I continue to regret this decision.

I drove back downtown and ate at a Mexican place on the Riverwalk. It was a good meal at a really pleasant place, right next to the river canal. I then strolled around the Riverwalk for a bit and went to the Alamo. It was definitely smaller than most people think, but I was already expecting that, and it was so cool. So much history there. I probably ended up walking around every square inch of it.

It's the friggn ALAMO

I left after a bit and went back to the hotel to come up with a nighttime action plan. I also gorged myself on homemade chocolate chip cookies and pink lemonade that the hotel provided for me.

I went back to see the marketplace square. It was ok; just some souvenir shops. Then I went on a sightseeing excursion on the Riverwalk at night. It was amazing at night, completely decorated in Christmas lights. I found a Texan BBQ place and nom’d some steak, shrimp, and a margarita. I can get used to this food stipend. Honestly, I ate like a king some of the days. One of the good aspects about doing the road trip alone: the food stipend (which is probably enough for two people per day) went entirely to satiating my two-person appetite.

After a delectable meal at the steakhouse, I went to Coyote Ugly. It was surreal: it was exactly like the movie (or what I imagined the movie would be like if I had seen it. Basically it was like the episode of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” when Artemis was acting a scene in Coyote Ugly, and then licked Dennis’s face. Haha, good times). I had a few local beers and watched the bartenders dance on the bar (and slap dudes in the face for some reason?) in what I can only imagine is the closest I’ll ever be to a strip club.

12/15/09

Houston

Worst Day of my Entire Life

All in all, I’d say this day wasn’t great. In fact, FUCK this day. The only worse day I could possibly imagine would be if the Eagles lost the Superbowl, Lauren broke up with me, my family died, the zombie apocalypse struck, AND the Sun went into Supernova ALL IN THE SAME DAY. Ah, I guess there was some unfortunate phrasing there, but you get the idea: rough day. Let me explain.

The day started off fine. I woke up late (8:00 am) and had some complimentary breakfast. I waited in the hotel lobby until Chunky’s Burger opened up and went there to FINALLY try the Four-Horseman Burger, which I had waited to do for about an eternity. Give or take. This is the hottest thing in the world, having the four hottest peppers, including the Ghost Pepper, the hottest pepper known to Mankind. Little did I know that this simple food item would bring me to what I believe is the closest to death I’ve ever been.

I actually had to sign a waiver saying they were blameless if I had to be hospitalized. Not a good start. Since I was waiting basically six months to eat this damn thing, I was the first person waiting outside for them to open, so I ordered first. I went up to the hostess (or whatever she’s called. Some girl taking the orders. Shit, I don’t know), and proudly exclaimed, “I’ll have the Four-Horseman Burger, please!” Her response did not generate a positive feeling: “Are you serious?” She called back the order, to which the chef responded “are you serious?” Shit. Not good. Then I signed the waiver, and decided not to take part in the “challenge,” which requires you to not drink anything or go to the bathroom while you eat it. FUCK THAT, I want some damn milk. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I was unaware that they actually had milk. It would have been way better. Also, I didn’t realize that the guy in “Man vs. Food” had gloves while he ate. That would have been PRETTY FUCKING HELPFUL TOO. So I took my first bite. Jesus Christ Monkeyballs it was spicy. I had never before been in so much pain. Everything was burning. The burger was COMPLETELY COATED in what looked like BBQ sauce, but I later found out it was actually FRIGGN HABANARO SAUCE – the second hottest pepper in the world. Immediately, every possible liquid started pouring out of my face. I was wiping away sweat, drool, snot, tears, hell even ear wax (not really the ear wax, just in case there are some extremely gullible people reading this). My mouth had never hurt so much in my life. I went to the bathroom to wipe off all the sweat. About five minutes later, all the skin that had pepper oils on it felt like they were receiving second degree burns for an extended period of time. Even my eyes, which I had accidentally touched while I was wiping off sweat. EVEN THE PLACE I TOUCHED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. I was in agony. I wanted nothing more than to dunk my balls into the coldest water imaginable (which I’d assume is somewhere around 32 degrees F. I KNOW IT IS DIFFERENT BASED ON PRESSURE, but give me a damn break). After I finished the burger (yes, I finished that god forsaken thing), I faced a couple glasses of milk and, disoriented from spiciness and hallucinations, went to my car to drive to Houston. I was actually hallucinating a little bit from the spiciness. For real.

It wasn’t a long drive. About an hour after I finished the burger, I finally stopped sweating and burning. I was able to feel my lips again, and my face went back from bright red to a normal color. “I’m in the clear, finally, after the worst pain in my life,” I thought to myself. Not even close. After an hour more of driving, my digestive system starts doing its thing. TO THE HOTTEST PEPPERS ON EARTH. It felt like my intestines were being torn asunder. Like my skin was trying to tear itself away from my abs. I had to pull over THREE TIMES because I couldn’t even see straight. I was alone in my car, literally screaming from pain. I downed an entire bottle of pepto bismal (no joke, I chugged the whole thing), but that wasn’t enough. At this point, I actually thought I was going to die. I even went through the 5 stages of grief. I specifically remember bargaining for my life and saying that I would never eat anything spicy again (uh, I guess I forgot about that little promise…). I got to the acceptance stage and started looking for a hospital. Before I got to one, I hit a rest area, so I stopped there. Thankfully I passed a rest area when I did. I LITERALLY kicked the stall door open, and puked for five straight minutes. I was positive that my stomach was bleeding from the POISON that I had just consumed and vomited out, but there is no way of knowing, because the entire toilet bowl was bright pink from the pepto. Finally I felt better. I’ve never been in so much pain in my entire life. It was seriously the worst. Don’t eat the Four-Horseman Burger.

After the “almost dying from eating the hottest pepper on the planet” ordeal, I arrived at my hotel in Houston and immediately began exploring. There isn’t really that much to see except some tall buildings. I saw Minute Maid Park, where the Astros play, but that’s about it. I’m going to try to go to a pub that has a microbrewery for dinner.

The next excerpt is going to be typed as best I can. Apparently I got fairly wasted, and in my blacked out condition, continued this portion of the journal entry. As such, the writing is nearly undecipherable, but I’ll do my best. Here goes:

I found some microbrew that wasn’t a microbrew at all. The owner gave me quite a few free free samples (?). He was pretty awesome, and so was his beer. We talked over four beers, and he gave me quite a few free tastes. I wish I could have indistinguishable words “gilbeinen iln it.” Yeah, not sure. It tasted so good. The tasting was incredible. I say we do it again.

Hahaha, I do not remember writing this last night. Apparently I had a great time at this bar, the Brewery Tap, and I guess the owner gave me a shit load of free beer samples. This bar was really cool, because it was one of those places where everybody knows each other and is really friendly. I chatted it up with a bunch of the regulars and had a pretty good time.

12/16/09

New Orleans

New Orleans: what an awesome city. Driving into the city I developed a headache that stayed with me for a while, which was unfortunate, but I had an amazing day (maybe I was comparing it to the previous day, which was horrendous, but no. New Orleans is awesome). My hotel, Orleans Bourbon, is a cool, but fancy looking hotel in the middle of the French Quarter on Orleans and Bourbon streets. It is right behind the St. Louis Cathedral. I started off by checking out Bourbon Street and some nearby places. I got gumbo at some little courtyard restaurant. I think the crab was bad, or maybe it was my headache, but I wasn’t really into it.

I walked around a corner, and all of a sudden I became an extra in a movie being filmed. I’m not sure what it was called, but the scene I’m in involves me walking by a street corner with some other people as a girl plays a violin and a guy plays a keyboard. Pretty cool.

I walked around the park next to the Cathedral and around the Mississippi River area for a while. Local artists were putting up their artwork that they had painted on pieces of wood. I bought a cool looking painting from a really friendly guy there. Then I bought some pralines (brown sugar-pecan candies) and had hot chocolate and beignets (fa fried dough, dessert kind of thing) at Café du Monde.

I then chose poorly for where I’d have dinner: a place that wasn’t even open when I got there. Less than an ideal start. I got seafood pasta. The seafood was bad and the sauce had cheese on it. Disgusting. It is really unfortunate that both my meals weren’t great, because from the looks of everything else there, it seems like the food should be amazing. I think I just got unlucky.

After dinner, I checked out some above-ground cemeteries (since New Orleans is below sea level). Then I decided to do the whole Bourbon Street thing. Such a cool place. I started off at Pat O’Brian’s; I got a Hurricane (a really sweet drink that was invented there), saw the cool flame-fountains, and the dueling pianos. Walking by all the strip club/whore houses, I went to a Jazz/Blues bar and a few other bars with rock bands playing. It was a great night. The only problem is that Hurricanes are too damn sweet. Also, my spit is red. Also, I think I’m drunk.

It is at this point in the road trip I think I’m starting to get that lonely feeling from being alone for the trip, where it is a bit awkward eating dinner and going out by myself. It was still fun, and really interesting to talk to people, but it would be nice to be at all these places with other people too. Hogan and his friend at this point were way ahead of me, so we weren’t going to meet up anywhere else along the way.

12/17/09

Jacksonville, FL

Waking up to rain and a monstrous hangover, I quickly checked out the Super Dome, had some beignets, and started my 8.5 hour drive to Jacksonville. Not really a fan of driving for that length of time. I passed through Mississippi and Alabama and KEPT ON DRIVING. What a sucky drive. I watched (listened to) the entire South park movie and still had 6.5 hours to go.

I eventually got to my hotel after the Sun was already down. Did I mention how it sucks when daylight savings is no longer in effect? I figured I wouldn’t really see that much of Jacksonville and decided to get some dinner near my hotel. I walked over a really cool bridge and ended up at Jacksonville Market, a really fun place.

It had an enormous Christmas tree, a fountain, some good restaurants and a live band. I quickly realized that the Colts were in town playing the Jaguars that very moment from the fireworks coming from the stadium. Also, there were hundreds of Colts fans everywhere.

I got some amazing crabcakes at a seafood restaurant in Jacksonville Market. I then finished watching the game at a small bar, River City, where I had some good local beers.

Jacksonville - in case you didn't read the title of this section of the post

12/18/09

Savannah

As I wait for my clothes to dry off and hopefully for the pouring rain to let up, I’ll update my journal. I got up early, ate some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and drove up I-95 to Savannah. It was a short drive (at least in comparison to yesterday), but completely rainy. There was a huge hurricane/snow-pocalypse happening along the east coast, that just HAPPENED to be the same time and rate that I was driving up, so my weather situation for the next few days is pretty weird. I’ve accepted the fact that it will be rainy for my stay here, so it’s not that bad. While I’m sure this city is amazing in nice weather, it is still really awesome in the pouring rain. Also, it is still relatively warm, so I’ve got my shorts on. My hotel is in the historic district, so I walked down to River Street and saw all the candy shops and bars there. Also the famous(ish) boats. Then I walked past a few small courtyards, with very quintessential southern moss and historic Savannah houses all over the place. I then went to the Colonial Park Cemetary. A lot of Savannahians (is that what they are called? I have no idea, and at this point I don’t give a damn) between 1750-1850 were buried here.

At this point it started pouring. I made my way back to River Street and ate lunch at Bernie’s Oyster Bar. I walked in, completely drenched, and the hostess seated me and then immediately brought me a towel. I think she was amused by my adventurous spirit in the midst of a hurricane. Or maybe I looked really funny soaking wet. Nope, it’s probably the first one. I had some cheap oysters, crawfish, and beer. Delicious. I talked to a guy who worked there (I was the only customer at a bar at 11:30 am, go figure) from New York. We talked about the storm, football, the Giants and Eagles, and the northeast. It made me miss home a bit, but hey, I’m just a few days away. Great bar. I decided to go back to the hotel to dry off, so here I am.

After attempting to go out again, I was thwarted by the worst rain yet. Seriously, it was pouring really fucking hard. All my clothes are soaked.

Finally the rain stopped, so I went to Forsyth Park, a really cool, big park (big for Savannah). After the Sun went down, I went back to River Street for dinner. I had some more oysters and a crab cake sandwich. The oysters here aren’t the best, but they are really cheap, so I won’t complain. After dinner, I decided to call it a night to get up early. Hopefully I won’t be following the storm tomorrow. I do end up following the storm. For the rest of the drive. Hurray.

12/19/09

Nags Head and the Outer Banks, NC

Driving to the Outer Banks took a lot longer than I expected. Almost eight hours. I left fairly early though, and didn’t really hit much weather; just some rain and sleet here and there. Also, I stopped at South of the Border to buy some fireworks. Definitely a good investment.

When I got to my hotel, I found that my room is on the top floor with a balcony right on the beach facing the water. I guess that’s because I am one of only two guests staying there tonight. Yeah, that probably has something to do with it… anyway, the room is pretty awesome. The view at least. I don’t see myself sitting out in the 50 mph winds. The ocean is going NUTS. It is actually cold too. First day of the year I needed long pants. It makes me glad I packed ONE PAIR OF LONG PANTS for my entire duration on the west coast.

I stopped off for some quick lunch at the ONLY RESTAURANT THAT WAS OPEN in all of Kitty Hawk before exploring the Cape Hatteras National Seashore. The Outer Banks are like a ghost town this time of year. It is seriously the only open restaurant, so I suppose I’ll be going here for dinner as well, unfortunately. This place is completely dependent on tourists. Nothing is open, it is kind of crazy.

I drove down most of Cape Hatteras.

I saw the first lighthouse and drove halfway down Pea island (the second of three islands) when the water in the road (from the storm) was too high to drive through. Unfortunately I had to turn around before I could get to the Hatteras Lighthouse. Maybe another time. I think I saw it from the Aircraft Carrier when we left port a month ago, though, so no worries.

Now I’m just sitting in my room. There isn’t much to do here…in December…after dark…in a windy storm. I’ll probably get dinner and go to bed early. I think the drive to DC tomorrow is going to be terrible. It snowed over 24 inches there. I’m sure the traffic and the road conditions will be awful.

12/20/09

Washington DC

The drive was fairly horrendous, but all the snow was already on the ground, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. People were driving like assholes though. Apparently everyone loses their minds when it snows down south. Also, I learned that my car performs fairly well in snow. Good news.

Traffic was terrible in Virginia; at one point I was completely stopped in traffic for half an hour. It was especially rough, because I had to pee. My only option was to climb the snowy banks and go in front of the entire line of stopped cars. It must have been a funny view.

I made it to DC at a reasonable time, but there was snow EVERYWHERE (DC has no plows…) and people do NOT know how to drive in it. I saw some asshole in a SUV (thinking his car was invincible) drive full speed through a snow bank. What a prick. I parked in a garage, and went to Kyle’s apartment, in an up-and-coming, mostly Latin, neighborhood. I stayed with Kyle Thompson-Westra, my half-bear/half-lumberjack friend from Maine who I had previously lived with for four years at Tufts. Swell guy. It was great seeing him again. We just got some take-out with his roommates and chilled for the night (indulging in South Park and Always Sunny in Philadelphia, of course).

12/21/09

Malvern, PA

I drove back home to Malvern tonight, but not before seeing the ENTIRE mall area of DC. I took the DC metro to one end and saw literally everything at the mall. The Capital Building, National Air and Space Museum, Natural History Museum, Washington Monument, White House, WWII, Korean and Vietnam Memorials, Lincoln Memorial, and Jefferson Memorial.

It is pretty rare seeing Washington DC with snow all over the place

My feet were tired and freezing afterward, because there was two feet of snow everywhere and all I had were my sneakers with holes in them. Super. I may have frostbite?

I met up with Kyle, got some 5-Guys burgers for dinner, and then hit the road. It wasn’t a bad drive (I’m comparing this to the 8+ hour drives across the country and the rainy, hurricane-y conditions up the east coast). Definitely good to be home with my family. Plus, I think I’m done with Christmas shopping.

So that’s my return road trip to the east coast. I certainly miss the west coast, a lot in fact, but it is good to be with all my friends and family out here. If you get one takeaway from my road tripping experience, let it be this: DO NOT EAT THE GHOST PEPPER. You will die. The only reason I didn’t die is because I am invincible. You, on the other hand, do not have that trait. Just don’t do it.

Lost Journal Entries: The Trip West

Ok, it is a few months after the fact, but I recently re-discovered the journal that I had used in an attempt to document my adventure to California, and I decided that it would be a great sacrilege if I did not share it with the world. Without further ado, I present to you: the regaling of my journey to California. For anyone who actually gives the slightest damn, I’ll keep what I wrote in the journal (what I like to call “the translation,” because it sounds like I’m some kind of crazy historian or something. Also, it’s really terrible handwriting) in regular font. Any comments/opinions that are more current will be in italics. ARE YOU HAPPY EVERYONE?? You better be. This is my gift to you. I encourage you to read all of the entries, because they are comedic gold. Apparently I am a somewhat sarcastic person. Who knew? Oh yeah, and if at any time you want to match up the photos I took on my adventures to the stories surrounding them, I have them up at http://picasaweb.google.com/christopher.severino.

8/27/09

Less than a week to go before I start the trip. There have been a few changes to the plan. All of the campsites and hotels are now reserved. I will be staying at a campground on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, a hotel in downtown Chicago, a hotel in downtown St. Louis, a hotel in Kansas City, staying with Blake in Boulder, a campsite at the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, a campground near Arches National Park in Utah, a cabin for two nights on the south rim of the Grand Canyon, and a hotel/casino on the strip in Las Vegas.

Geoff and Olsenglubin will not be joining, but my friend Molly will meet up with me in Buffalo and possibly come to Chicago. She didn’t end up coming to Chicago, but it was all the better, because I did not have room for her in my car. I just need to pack and get some food for the campsites. OH YEAH, and friggn move in to my new apartment with Cronin and Arlen. I love moving. What an awesome experience. I apologize; there really should be a specific font for sarcasm. Seriously though, moving is my least favorite thing to do on the entire planet. Without hyperbole. But then Kyle is visiting, so that should be pretty awesome.

In retrospect, the move actually went ok since we hired movers. We didn’t have that much space, so I was sleeping on my bed that also had Arlen’s mattress stacked up on top. I felt like a god damn king perched up there. A bunch of us ended up going to Razzy’s, where we had some jalapeno vodka. Yum? No. As a result, the first morning I woke up in my new room I puked out of my window. It was a hilarious situation for me, even though I was elbows deep in a fairly horrific hangover.

9/2/09

Buffalo/Niagara Falls

After driving for 7 hours, Hogan and I finally met at 12:30 at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, the restaurant where the first Buffalo wings were invented. He, Jocelyn and I toured a bit of the “city” and went to the city capital building (is that what they’re called?) and viewed Buffalo from the top floor. It was a pretty cool view. Then we met up with Molly and two of her friends for wings at Anchor Bar. I was very pleased that our road trip did not begin with our cars getting towed due to the fact that we left them unattended in the parking lot while we walked across the city. The wings were definitely good, despite the fact that the waitress couldn’t comprehend the idea of breaking the bill to put onto three credit cards (thanks for the lunch, GE!). Then we left for Canada. I have to mention that Molly tried her DAMDEST to get me lost in Buffalo by IMMEDIATELY losing me at the first rotary after I was supposed to follow her to the bridge. However, my phone has GPS capabilities, so her plan was foiled. Seriously, I would not have made it past day one without that friggn phone.

We drove over the Rainbow Bridge into Ontario (now I’ve been to TWO different provinces. Take THAT, Canada!), which at Niagara Falls appears to be in the middle of a casino. We arrived at King Waldorf’s campground after Hogan made a few random wrong turns and nearly got hit by a car, and are now getting ready to explore the Falls. We have plans to eat “Amazing Chinese food” according to Molly, when we meet up with her for dinner. I’ll try to call my parents and Lauren tonight, but who knows if that’s even possible since I’m in Canada now and there might be roaming charges. My parents better not freak out thinking I’m dead on the first day of my road trip if I don’t call. WHOA! Foreshadowing of things to come?! Spoiler alert: it IS foreshadowing of things to come. HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS, THAT RIVETING TALE COMES LATER.

We drove to the Falls and went on the “Maid of the Mist” boat ride. We went out onto the water, going into the mist under the Falls (duh). I got some great pictures in the mist, including like a BILLION rainbows all over the place. We then had some dinner nearby with Molly and watched the Falls at night. They were pretty amazing. They were lit up with different colors projected from across the way. It made the waterfalls look like it was changing color, like some sort of crazy, friggn water lightshow jamboree! I swear to God, you don’t even know.

Now I’m bedding down to sleep, getting my tent ready and such. Not a bad first day on the road. Thank god for daylight savings. The Sun is up for so long that you can do a bunch of stuff, even after driving a million hours that day. Oh yeah, and you might as well get used to the superlatives, because THEY ARE NOT GOING TO STOP.

9/3/09

Chicago

I awoke this morning at 4:30 (apparently that time actually exists), packed up my tent, which was soaking wet from the morning dew (I’ll let my future self deal with that one when I take it out to camp again…), and drove through Ontario toward Michigan. It is a long state to drive through, but I stopped at Wendy’s for lunch at about 11:30. AND, my car got over 39 mpg for most of it: holy shit! I then drove through a bit of Indiana and into Illinois. As I drove through Indiana, I called Ed, who had already started his cross-functional in Cincinnati. Ed, I drove through Gary, Indiana. It blows. Not a good place to represent your entire state). Holy crap, Chicago is hard to navigate. I parked at some parking garage, checked into my room, and immediately set out to explore the city.

I walked for about 20 miles; my feet are killing me. Ok, that was an exaggeration, but NOT ENTIRELY. I think I did walk about 13-14 miles, zigzagging through the city. I toured as much of the city as possible between 2:30 and 6:30. I started by going to the top of the Sears Tower, or the Willis Tower as it is now called, for those of you who are no doubt using this historic piece of literature as a reference to some documentary or something. It was an incredible view of the city. On the top floor they have these glass cat-walk things just hanging off the sides of the building. There is literally nothing between you and the road, 101 stories below, besides a piece of glass. So epic. This girl who was in it with me was afraid of heights and was totally freaked out, so I started jumping up and down in it to scare her. Haha. What an asshole. Not me: the guy who designed the thing. He should have made them vibrate or something, it would have been even funnier. Then I walked to Millennium Park and wandered around for a bit. They had some blob-like mirror structure, a weird fountain with a projected face that spits water at you, dinosaur statues: basically just a shitload of random garbage that when I describe it, it probably seems like I’m making it up. Or that I’m retarded. Either way, you’re wrong.

Creepiest thing ever? Yes.

I saw some of the Magnificent Mile as I explored the East side of the city. I saw the park area near Lake Michigan and then walked over to Soldier’s Field. The Bears are playing the Browns in their last pre-season game tonight.

Lou Malnati’s: best pizza ever. I just got back after meeting up with Hogan and Jocelyn for some deep dish pizza. It was some dough, cheese, tomato sauce, and roughly 40 tons of toppings (including love, happiness, and sunshine), in a deep pan and served lava hot. So delicious.

After this, we tried to find a Jazz-Blues club, but ended up getting suckered into paying some dude a bunch of money for walking with us halfway across the city. Yeah, weird story, let me explain. This guy comes up to us and asks what we’re looking for. We tell him, and he starts being friendly and helpful. Then he starts walking us toward what we assume is the location we wanted. This is where I start to realize that he’s doing this to get money out of us. He goes on to explain how he “helps” people by walking them around the city, not hesitating to point out the fact that he has a bowie knife the size of an obese infant with him at all times. Super. So then we get to this place, which he tells us has no cover (the cover was $15), and asks for money for walking us there. He explains that his “service,” is similar to that of a cab, so we should pay the rates of a cab. Except that we walked to the location. And it wasn’t where we wanted to go. That didn’t stop him from gouging us for a combined total of about $25. I learned my first valuable lesson on the road trip: don’t trust people, because people suck. We ended up going to an Irish pub, where Hogan and I drowned our sorrows away in Jameson and sweet, sweet Guinness.

9/4/09

St. Louis

After a continental breakfast, we went to see the Navy Pier and the beach. I got to touch Lake Michigan while this really weird fog rolled in. We then saw a bit of the John Hancock tower, got some Chicago hot dogs at Navy Pier, and headed back to the hotel. On our way, we passed a really high building with some ropes hanging down from the top, about 60 stories up. We started messing with the ropes; making standing wave transmissions all the way to the top. It was pretty freaky, but entertained us for a VERY long time. Ah, physics. Then I said my farewells to the Windy City and started towards St. Louis.

I arrived in St. Louis at about 5:00 and checked into the Downtown Hilton, which was surprisingly really, really nice. I went up in the Arch and toured the museum below ground there. It was a cool experience, although kind of boring to do it alone (Hogan and Jocelyn had stayed an extra day in Chicago, so I’m on my own for a few days in the road trip). I went over and touched the Mississippi River (I would have peed into it, to mark my ownership, but there were more people watching than I cared for. Super mature decision, I know). I ate some not-so-great crab and oysters at Union Station. Overall, I’ve seen most of St. Louis already; it wasn’t a very big city. AND the number of homeless people per capita is staggering.

9/5/09

Kansas City

After hitting snooze a couple times, I got up and had some brunch. At this point I started getting worried, because the food cost in all these cities had been more than I budgeted with my food stipend. I remember this particular meal being COMPLETELY overpriced for the food I got (which was not NEARLY enough bacon). I then drove four hours to Kansas City, MO. My hotel is a lot farther out of the city than I thought. This made driving there and parking easy, but I thought the “plaza,” where I am staying, was the big KC…thing…shit, I don’t know. Well, it wasn’t. So in order to see anything cool, I had to walk for what seemed like an eternity (but probably wasn’t). I actually got blisters on my feet from walking so much. For realzies. Like five friggn blisters. Anyway, I ended up seeing some pretty cool stuff. I went to an art museum for a bit. There were actually two art museums next to each other. The first was a modern art museum, to which I walked up, said “fuck that,” and went to the next one, which was a real art museum. I went over to some Irish festival that was happening (all I know is they dyed the water fountains green, so it HAD to be cool) and I saw some crazy Lego exhibit. I forgot how much Legos rule.

Crazy Lego...statue? Model? Thing? Whatever, it was awesome.

Then I stumbled upon a World War I museum as I wandered aimlessly towards the downtown part of KC. It was actually really cool, and had a great view of the city. Then I walked four miles (FOUR FREAKING MILES) back toward my hotel to get some famous Kansas City BBQ for dinner. Remember, at this point I already had about a billion blisters on my feet, so that extra four miles wasn’t as enjoyable as you might think. They make a fantastic steak in KC, I’ll give them that.

In hindsight, I was pleasantly surprised by Kansas City. I wasn’t really expecting that much (I basically arbitrarily chose to go there to break up the drive from St. Louis to Colorado), but it had some interesting sights and some good food.

9/6/09

Boulder

First, some general notes about Kansas:

I decided to write down the biggest highlights as I drove across the state. Believe me when I say that these are not opinions. These are facts. As a whole, this list of facts sums up the entirety of Kansas.

-Foggiest state EVER

-Flattest state EVER

-Radio stations start with a K rather than a W on the west of the Mississippi

-There are big wind farms and cattle farms everywhere; the wind farms are awesome, and the other farms smell like the foulest kind of shit in the world

-It is really easy to go over 100 mph and not even realize it, because there is NOTHING to gage your speed by

-Almost every radio station is either country or gospel

-They have Jesus billboard signs. That’s right. Billboards dedicated to advertising Jesus. Try to wrap your head around that.

-Like Longcat, Kansas is looooooooooooong

I finally made it to Colorado, which is possibly the second best state ever (behind PA, obviously). Once I got to Denver, the Rockies popped up into existence. It was a welcome sight after driving nine hours through FLAT NOTHINGNESS. I met Blake (my cousin) at his house in Boulder. We then biked to a few microbreweries to taste their beer. Spoiler: they’re all awesome. Also, Boulder is a very bike-friendly city. The bike paths are the best maintained thing I saw the entire time. It was pretty great to have that extra lane space when you’re riding a bike drunk off microbrews. CU had a pretty big football game, so there were quite a few college students at the bars around mid-day.

On our way back home, Blake crashed his bike (and was apparently surprised that his ability to ride a bike was hindered by alcohol), and got a pretty huge cut on his eyebrow, which he made me promise not to tell my Mom, but who knows if I will. TO THIS DAY I have kept that promise. However, she will very likely read this, so…sorry Blake! Whatever, I held out for a while. At this point it is just water under the bridge…HILARIOUS water under the bridge. I bet he has a pretty sweet scar. Seriously, that thing was bleeding like there was no tomorrow. Then we tried to clean him up while simultaneously trying to make ribs (with a delicious rub that Blake had made). Eventually I had to take him to the emergency room to get stitches. At this point I want to make it clear that he was STILL pretty drunk, which I found hilarious, because he kept trying to have conversations with nurses and doctors about how there must be a lot of drunk college kids getting injured. He was trying to convince them that he himself was not wasted, but I think they caught on when he slurred every third word he said. Then on the way home, Bohemian Rhapsody played on my CD, and he thought it was a good idea to turn my volume to the max, put all the windows down, and sing along as loud as humanly possible. Well, he was right. It was awesome.

After the hospital adventure, we went out with one of his neighbors. We went to a few bars, where I learned that the altitude of Boulder, which thinned my blood already, did not have a beneficial effect when I added alcohol to the picture. Luckily, we biked home without incident and I slept on Blake’s couch.

9/7/09

Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, CO

Jesus Christ Monkeyballs, what an awesome day. We started off the morning with bacon and bread fried in bacon grease (Blake, you brilliant son of a bitch!). Very healthy, I know. Then I said my goodbyes and drove to Red Rocks park, which is a small park where the boulders are…red (I’m a master at writing), and form almost a natural amphitheater. It was really impressive. There were a ton of people running around exercising on the stairs.

I then drove west to Vail, which is a cool little ski town. Since there is no skiing in the summer (yeah, I’ve decided to err on the more obvious side of describing my events. I think when I wrote this, I was imagining that the people who found my journal some time in the distant future lived in a world where the Earth’s axis is tilted differently, effecting the seasons or something. I really don’t know. It must have been the thin air in Colorado affecting my brain), I looked around, went to the “ski museum,” and got some mango-raspberry ice cream. I know what you’re saying. “Chris, you pick the most amazing flavored ice creams imaginable. You are so handsome and smart!” Well, you’re right. I then drove south to the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, where I’m staying for the night.

I drove to nine of the ten overlooks into the canyon, ending with watching the sun set at “sunset point.” I actually had to stand there, eating Fruity Pebbles for 20 minutes waiting for that damn Sun to go down. It was surreal. I can’t even believe sights like that exist in real life.

Then I drove to an empty campsite with the last bit of light. I pitched my tent in the dark, which is neither easy nor fun. Plus everything was still wet from the dew at Niagara (THANKS A LOT, PAST SELF, YOU JACKASS). Then I made a fire, and after struggling to open the can for 20 minutes, cooked some baked beans for dinner. At the time, I didn’t know how the can opener on my pocket knife worked. I reverted to stab/smashing it into the top of the can, cutting up my hand pretty good in the process. Don’t make that “you’re a friggn idiot” face at me! You know damn well that you don’t know how to use that can opener either. And I was freaking starving.

Another cool thing about Colorado is that you can see more stars than I knew even existed in the Milky Way. AND, driving in CO is incredibly fun. You can coast down the mountains at like 80 mph; it is so awesome.

9/8/09

Arches National Park, UT

If today could be characterized by a single theme, it would be that google maps needs to get its shit together. Somebody needs to inform the people there about the difference between a road and a dirt hiking trail that hasn’t been used in ten years. Not only is there red dust in EVERY CREVICE of my car, but I’m pretty sure my shocks are destroyed, and there have to be major damages done to the under-carriage of the car. But I digress. I’ll try to explain it more fully in chronological order.

With that said, it was a fairly cool day. I woke up, broke camp, and left Gunnison (and Colorado). I headed into Utah to Arches National Park. Google maps gave me some back-door entrance directions, which included a seven mile stretch (that’s 36960 feet) of PURE BUMPS. If I drove any faster than 10 mph, my car would have hit a resonance and would have shaken itself apart. I eventually found the main road (and at this point I have an inch thick coating of fine, red sand all over my car).

After messing around on what appeared to be a big, rocky, adult jungle-gym, I went for a hike to see Delicate Arch. The hike was intense in the dry heat, but there were some really cool Pyroglyphs made by the Ute Indians in the 1600’s (if you have any idea what that means, then…good for you? What do you want a cookie? No.). Getting to the arch, I realized I was looking at the most spectacular view of my life. Photos won’t do it any justice; the scene was absolutely gorgeous.

Seriously, this photo does it no justice. It was insane.

I saw a few other sights in the park, then headed to the nearby town of Moab. I tried some microbrews at the Moab Brewery, and headed toward my camp area. At this point, I’d like to give an additional shout-out to the jackasses at google maps that made the code for my next set of directions. FUCK YOU. Not cool. NO CAR COULD EVER TRAVERSE THAT ROAD. I drove about a mile on what looked like a hiking path that was FULLY overgrown with plants and bushes, and big boulders all over the place. I realized that I had another THIRTEEN MILES of that crap, so I decided to drive back over the rocky, shitty mile I had driven (in reverse) and find another way. After calling the people with whom I had made the campsite reservation and FINALLY convincing them to get me better directions (I honestly had to plead with them. They were not being as helpful as they were when they were accepting my reservation payment), I headed toward the campsite. Oh yeah, did I mention it was 40 miles in the wrong direction? Sweet. Anyway, it was mostly a dirt path, and the Sun was setting. I arrived at the campsite (the ONLY person in the entire campground, about 20 miles away from the last sign of civilization) and pitched my tent with the last bit of light, just in time to hear wolves howling nearby. I think I’ll sleep in my car tonight.

OK, I have to tell you this story now, because it is a doozy. My parents LOVE this story, because as a result of it, they both aged about 20 years. Right before I ate dinner, I called my parents and informed them of my situation – alone, miles from civilization, wolves surrounding me. However, the reception was terrible for the entire state of Utah. From my parents’ side, the conversation went like this: “…I’m alone here and there are wolves really close by. It sounds like they’re getting closer-” then silence, because I lost reception. I ended up sleeping in my car and starting the next day as usual. All the while, my parents are freaking out. I didn’t get reception back until I left Utah the next day, at around 2:00 pm. All the while my parents are going absolutely bananas because they think I was attacked by a pack of wolves. In typical fashion, they assumed the worst, and as my Dad described, he thought “they would find only my phone next to a bloody pile of bones somewhere in Utah.” My Mom freaked out so much that she started crying hysterically at work. They basically had to shut her school down, because all the other teachers were calling every national park in Utah trying to find me. Since my parents apparently don’t listen to me when I tell them where I’m staying for the night, they had no idea where I was. They called as many Utah rangers and national parks as they could to put a search out for my body. When I finally got reception back and called, my Dad actually friggn yelled at me! Hahahah, I had a good lol about it. Anyway, that was my experience with camping in Utah.

9/9/09

Grand Canyon

I woke up early to get the hell out of that campground. I followed signs back to the highway rather than following the directions from google maps. It saved me about 20 miles. Since I saved so much time, I decided to take a little excursion to Canyonlands National Park before I left for the Grand Canyon.

Canyonlands was nice. If I had more time I would have hiked there. It looked like it was really made for hikers or bikers, especially the south section, which is where I was. There were a lot of classic Southwest rock formations that really blew my mind. I hiked a little bit, but then called it quits, since I wanted to make it to the Grand Canyon by sunset. After leaving the park (by the way, driving in national parks is awesome; you get to blast the music with the windows down, speeding around windy turns. So cool), I stopped at a few more places in Utah along the way. They included some small fort, Valley of the Gods (a classic Southwestern rock formation), Monument Valley: basically a bunch of places with great scenary.

However, the Southwest towns are few and far between, which means gas stations are too. I was down to only two gallons by the time I got to the next town. I was unsure if I would make it, so I started coasting more and turned off all the air conditioning and everything superfluous. Luckily I did make it, and stopped for lunch when I crossed into Arizona. I was one of only three Caucasians at the restaurant, everyone else was Navajo Indian.

I finally made it to the Grand Canyon at about 5:00pm. (I only later learned that Arizona is a badass and doesn’t follow the rules when it comes to daylight savings. THEY ACTUALLY DON’T DO IT. Apparently it was on Pacific Time at this point). I saw a lot of different views of the canyon, which is indescribably intense. It goes all the way to the horizon in every direction and includes colors that I’ve never even seen before. It is just plain gorgeous.

I decided to watch it during sunset and then go to dinner. I had some baby back ribs at the restaurant on the rim. These dinners alone are getting pretty pathetic and I really wish Lauren were with me, but what are you going to do. I had actually used them as excuses to talk to random strangers, which is really cool because you get to learn about different parts of the country, and people generally seemed fairly impressed when they heard my story about driving across the country to work on jet engines in California for a few months. Looking back, I really don’t think I would have gotten that aspect of the trip if I had gone with somebody else. At least I’m not paying for it. I then went to the bar for a beer and to listen to the guy singing. He was pretty amazing: he knew every song people requested, and actually sounded a LOT like Bob Dylan when I requested Tambourine Man. I met a bunch of guys from the Royal Air Force who have been in the canyon for the past few days backpacking. And here they were now getting completely wasted, or “pissed,” as they kept saying. We talked about jet engines for a while, and then talked about some quantum physics. What? Yeah, one of the dudes was an avid Hawking reader. Two of the dudes were completely wasted and started a dance marathon to the southern slow-songs the guitarist was playing. They even went up with their own harmonica and started playing with the guy, but were so drunk that the words they were singing weren’t even in the right order. Those guys are crazy. Apparently if guys from the UK are getting drunk near you and you order Jameson, they are instantly your best friends.

9/10/09

Grand Canyon Continued

I got up to see sunrise, but at this point my concept of what the real time was is still messed up, so I went and had some breakfast. Then I hiked the Grand View trail down into the canyon to Horseshoe Mesa: about seven miles round trip. Mind you, this is seven miles including a descent and return ascent of a VERY large height differential. I did the hike in about 4.5 hours. Hiking in the Grand Canyon is weird, because rather than hiking up, resting, and hiking back down, you hike down first, then hike back up once you are already tired and the Sun is at its peak. Yeah, going up was tough. On the way back up, I bumped into another group of people hiking down. They were enamored by the fact that I was already coming back up, because apparently I was the first person to hike down and up already. They asked when I started the hike, and told them about 8:00. They responded with “you mean 40 minutes ago?” I immediately realized that I had jumped time zones again.

I walked around the canyon for a bit more during the day, just completely amazed at how awesome the Grand Canyon was. I went back to my room, only to find an ENORMOUS elk standing outside my door, just hanging out eating some grass. Definitely a pretty wild experience.

Later in the day I met up with Hogan and Jocelyn. We had some dinner (at the only restaurant I’ve been to at this point) and drinks, regaling each other with our tales of adventure in the past few days. Then we called it a night. I had forgotten how good it felt to have a meal with other people, and no longer needing to awkwardly ask for a table for one. Hogan and Jocelyn stayed another day at the Grand Canyon, so the next time I saw them was when we moved into our apartment in Hanford, CA a few days later.

9/11/09

Las Vegas

I had a casual breakfast, paid some bills via my phone (holy crap this phone is a lifesaver) and left the Grand Canyon for Las Vegas. Not much happened along the way, but I stopped at the Hoover Dam and took a tour of the power plant. I realized what a super engineering-nerd I am, because I had a damn good time learning about the power production system. I ended up talking to the tour guide for about an hour afterward about the dam and the new GE turbines they were getting soon. Also, it is HOT in Nevada, can I just throw that out there?

I checked into my hotel, the Circus Circus casino, near the end of the strip. I got some buffet dinner and walked down the strip for a while. I completely underestimated the length of it. I think I re-opened some blisters. Nope; I definitely did. Ouch.

I got back to the hotel and put a $20 in a slot machine. I played with that $20 for an hour and a half: going up, going down, and eventually losing it. Not a very exciting end to a night in Vegas, but I am honestly pretty freaking tired. It’s ok, I had a much more eventful evening in Vegas a few months later when a bunch of the GE guys in California went for Davies’s birthday. That’ll be another story.

9/12/09

California

I got up fairly early to get to the apartment. I knew I would beat Hogan, since he was coming from the Grand Canyon, so I decided to stop at the Mojave Preserve once I crossed into California. It was really boring: there weren’t really trails and it was mostly deserty with some weird trees. Later, I learned these were Joshua Trees, and they look like they come right out of a Dr. Seuss book. I got some Gatorade at a random outpost from a guy who looked like ZZ Top. Then I made like a tree and got the fuck out of there.

On my last 70-mile leg of driving, World Conquest on facebook started up again, so I played on my iPhone. I played while driving 70 mph through California. It was great/dangerous.

I got to the apartment early, so I ate at “Jack-in-the-Box.” Yeah, they actually exist somewhere in this country! I was surprised too. I then checked in (finally meeting with the insane realtor whom we had nicknamed “Desertface”), and found that the apartment is huge and really nice. We each have our own bathroom. After Hogan and Jocelyn got in, we went for a swim (because it was 103 degrees out. YEAH, THAT TEMPERATURE IS REAL AND IT SUCKS ASS), and watched some Futurama. In conclusion, I think we had a pretty spectacular move-in day.