Friday, August 24, 2012

My Conversation with Sir Gabriel

I had to actually create a new email account to deal with these scammers.  I can only guess at how difficult a job it must be to try to ruin another person's life by trying to steal their identity.  My heart truly goes out to these brave individuals, who go out each and every day to perform the thankless job of taking vast sums of money form unsuspecting, innocent people.


July 16, 2012
Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Daniel Doll

To: --

There is an issue with a Western Union in the amount of $4,000,000USD directed at the owner of this email address



July 20, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Daniel Doll


Oh no that can't be true!  There is an issue with a Western Union transfer??  Imma need that money, how can we fix this?

Thanks for your help, stranger.


 At this point the person decided to change their name.  Pretty standard.


July 20, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


There is an issue with the Western Union Money Transfer in the amount of $4,000,000.00USD directed at the owner of this email address. The ex prime Minister Umaru Jacobs, contacted us for your transaction a couple of hours ago. He said that he choose to send it to an email address instead of a name. We are unable to complete a transfer directed at an email address, so we require some more information in order to complete this transfer. You are required to provide confirmation of the following:

The name in which you wish to receive this transfer:-
Telephone / Fax Number:-
Occupation:-
Full Address Contact:-
State/ City:-
Zip Code:-
Country:-
Age:

Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:
============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
They will be expecting your call or mail once you pick up
============================
In order to resolve this problem, please call our offices at or at [NUMBER] this Email: [EMAIL] as soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you in a Certified Bank Draft or wired to your nominated bank account directly from UBA Bank as soon as you comply with the requirements. When calling or emailing, please use reference number [NUMBER] for our mutual convenience.




July 23, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello friend,

I will gladly send you my information so we can sort all of this out quickly, but before I send any of my details, might I have the honor of who I am speaking with?

Also, I just wanted to bring this up now before the Western Union account goes through - the "Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details" section.  What, pray tell, does the "Question = colour, Answer = pink" segment refer to?  What is pink and what are you talking about?

Regards,
Alan Grant



July 23, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Western Union
Registered office:
1092 Business District,
Wuse 2,Abuja,23452.
SWIFT: GH7J1PO9
Switching To: UNITED BANK OF AFRICA [ U.B.A]

Attention:

We are in receipt of your mail and the content was noted, regarding your mail below, upon confirmation of your details, we like to inform you that the (4,000,000.00USD(4 Million Dollars) Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:

============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
============================
The funds can also be transferred to any account provided by you. Note that you will not be charged for transfer fee because it has already been covered. But the insurance company declined reverse payment stating that if anything goes wrong with cash pickup or transfer that they will be responsible, the insurance company have requested payment for their insurance cover, this alone you will be responsible for.

You will be responsible for the payment of charges to INSURE YOUR FUNDS, therefore you have been billed to pay the sum of $650.00 USD (Six Hundred And Fifty Dollars)as payment for insurance cover.
============================== ======================
Your Transfer Order Number is ECC/[NUMBER].
============================== ======================
The charges are in this proportion because of the insurance cover we have undertaken to cover the Funds as the insurance company shall serve all responsibilities incase of any eventualities because the FUNDS has been Cleared and registered with your details and will be available for pick-up by you only, or it can be transferred into your account as soon as we receive your Payment for the Insurance cover to insure the funds before you cash-out.

Note: Your funds are already available for pick-up with the above given Western-Union pick-up details, but it can not be released/cashed out to you without receiving your payment for insurance cover

IF YOU ARE READY TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR YOUR INSURANCE COVER, THEN GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY SO WE CAN FURNISH YOU WITH DETAILS THAT YOU WILL USE TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR INSURANCE COVER.

Once your payment for insurance cover is received and confirmed then you will able to cash-out your funds with the above given Western-Union Cash Pick-up details IMMEDIATELY.

Our Transfer Release Department will require the insurance payment from you before we Can sign And Confirm the Release Transfer, As we will want you to Note that any Breach of Transfer will Remain Void.

NOTE THAT NOTHING CAN BE REMOVED/DEDUCTED FROM YOUR FUNDS BECAUSE ITS BEING PROTECTED BY A HARD COVER INSURANCE POLICY WHICH SECURE/ENSURES THE SAFE CASH-OUT OF YOUR FUNDS BY YOU.

We are glad to be of service to you.

We anticipate your immediate action on this matter of world interest

Sir. Gabriel Evans
Western-Union-Money-Transfer Department,

CC: Sender
CC: Federal Ministry of Finance
CC: Federal Ministry of Internal Affairs
Tel: [PHONE]
Email: [EMAIL]
Email: [Another email?]

P.S: Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:
============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
============================



July 24, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel Evans or Micheal Wells,

I am still unaware of who I am dealing with.  Could you please send information on who I am talking to, and if you are actually a knight?  Thank you.  I will send my information as soon as I learn about the person I am talking to.  And you never got around to answering my question about what this "pink" answer is and what it has to do with my life.  How is "colour" a question, and is "pink" supposed to represent my struggle to obtain this Western Union transfer?  Because maybe it should be something more intense than pink.

Thank you for clarifying,
Sir Alan Grant


The email address is no longer valid.  Looks like the guy had to give that one up.  So I try the second email address that was included.

July 24, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel Evans or Micheal Wells,
I tried replying to the email account with which you contacted me, but it appears to have been unsuccessfully delivered.  I don't know what the problem is, but I hope this email address will work.




July 25, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Please provide us a phone number we can reach you at, so we can explain verbal details of your transaction on the phone with you



July 26, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Thank you for your message.  I will of course provide my phone number and any other information you have, but first I just wanted to make sure I'm dealing with an upstanding citizen here before we proceed.  What is your background in reference to my Western Union transfer?  What is the "colour/pink" issue that has seemed to pop up in the last few emails?  Where did you receive your Knightship?  Once I receive a little more background I can provide all the information you require, and hopefully we can clear up this situation.

It was great hearing from you!  I look forward to your response!

Sir Alan Grant



July 31, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

I was just wondering where we stood on the Western Union transfer?  I am very keen on getting this resolved so that I might launch my new website.  "Pictures of cats dressed like dogs."  I'm very excited.

Thank you for your time and effort,
Sir Alan Grant



August 1, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


Dear sir,
  please note that the phrase Colour and Pink is your secrete passcode for picking up your funds at any western union outlet. when picking up cash at western union you will be asked your secrete question and answer, this will ensure that only the receiver gets to cash out the funds without any third party.

Your Secrete Question is: Colour
Your Secrete Answer is: Pink



August 1, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Thank you for clearing up the color miscommunication.  That makes complete sense right now.  It's good to know that such extensive security measures are taken to ensure the safety of my Western Union transfer.  Well, now that we have that out of the way, perhaps we can proceed to the transaction itself.  What information do you need from me to continue?  I don't think you mentioned yet, but what is your background in reference to this transfer?  I am only wondering because I am very interested in following your footsteps to attain knightship in the world of banking.

Thanks for the information,

Sir Alan Grant



August 2, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant



--------------------------Western-Union-Money-Transfer--------------------------

Western Union
Registered office:
1092 Business District,
Wuse 2,Abuja,23452.
SWIFT: GH7J1PO9
Switching To: UNITED BANK OF AFRICA [ U.B.A]

Attention: Sir Alan Grant.

We are in receipt of your mail and the content was noted, regarding your mail below, upon confirmation of your details, please provide confirmation of the following:

The name in which you wish to receive this transfer:-
Telephone / Fax Number:-
Occupation:-
Full Address Contact:-
State/ City:-
Zip Code:-
Country:-
Age:

we like to inform you that the (14,000,000.00USD(14 Million Dollars) Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:
============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
============================
The funds can also be transferred to any account provided by you. Note that you will not be charged for transfer fee because it has already been covered. But the insurance company declined reverse payment stating that if anything goes wrong with cash pickup or transfer that they will be responsible, the insurance company have requested payment for their insurance cover, this alone you will be responsible for.

You will be responsible for the payment of charges to INSURE YOUR FUNDS, therefore you have been billed to pay the sum of $650.00 USD (Six Hundred And Fifty Dollars)as payment for insurance cover.
============================== ======================
Your Transfer Order Number is [NUMBER].
============================== ======================
The charges are in this proportion because of the insurance cover we have undertaken to cover the Funds as the insurance company shall serve all responsibilities incase of any eventualities because the FUNDS has been Cleared and registered with your details and will be available for pick-up by you only, or it can be transferred into your account as soon as we receive your Payment for the Insurance cover to insure the funds before you cash-out.

Note: Your funds are already available for pick-up with the above given Western-Union pick-up details, but it can not be released/cashed out to you without receiving your payment for insurance cover

IF YOU ARE READY TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR YOUR INSURANCE COVER, THEN GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY SO WE CAN FURNISH YOU WITH DETAILS THAT YOU WILL USE TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR INSURANCE COVER.

Once your payment for insurance cover is received and confirmed then you will able to cash-out your funds with the above given Western-Union Cash Pick-up details IMMEDIATELY.

Our Transfer Release Department will require the insurance payment from you before we Can sign And Confirm the Release Transfer, As we will want you to Note that any Breach of Transfer will Remain Void.

NOTE THAT NOTHING CAN BE REMOVED/DEDUCTED FROM YOUR FUNDS BECAUSE ITS BEING PROTECTED BY A HARD COVER INSURANCE POLICY WHICH SECURE/ENSURES THE SAFE CASH-OUT OF YOUR FUNDS BY YOU.

We are glad to be of service to you.

We anticipate your immediate action on this matter of world interest

Sir. Gabriel Evans
Western-Union-Money-Transfer Department,

CC: Sender
CC: Federal Ministry of Finance
CC: Federal Ministry of Internal Affairs
Tel: [NUMBER]
Email: [EMAIL]
Email: [another email?]

P.S: Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:
============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
============================



August 3, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

I noted that the content of my previous message was noted.  In response to your receipt of my message, I will now provide the requested details.

Name: Sir Alan Grant, W.T.F.
Telephone: 91-1034-6609
Fax: I don't believe in fax machines because the entire concept seems evil to me
Occupation: Meteorologist
Full Address Contact: 5 Wobbleknees Way, Juras Sickpark, Montana, 33017, USA
Age: 38.  I was born in the year of our lord 1974

I also made note of the fact that there was some additional charge coming my way.  Before you "furnish [me] with details," I wanted to see what my options are.  Is it possible to pay for these costs with the money from the Western Union transfer itself, because there are obviously sufficient funds to cover the insurance costs as well as living a life of luxury in which attendants feed me grapes as I lay about in a sloth-like manner.  I know that these hidden costs do exist, but I was hoping the transfer itself would cover them.  Thank you for accepting this offer in advance.

Your faithful servant,
Sir Alan Grant





August 3, 2012 

Subject: Insurance Policy

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


--------------------------Western-Union-Money-Transfer--------------------------

Western Union
Registered office:
1092 Business District,
Wuse 2,Abuja,23452.
SWIFT: GH7J1PO9
Switching To: UNITED BANK OF AFRICA [ U.B.A]

Attention: Sir Alan Grant.

Upon confirmation of your details, PLEASE NOTE THAT NOTHING CAN BE REMOVED/DEDUCTED FROM YOUR FUNDS BECAUSE ITS BEING PROTECTED BY A HARD COVER INSURANCE POLICY WHICH SECURE/ENSURES THE SAFE CASH-OUT OF YOUR FUNDS BY YOU, As our Transfer Release Department will require the insurance payment from you before we Can sign And Confirm the Release Transfer, As we will want you to Note that any Breach of Transfer will Remain Void.

IF YOU ARE READY TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR YOUR INSURANCE COVER, THEN GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY SO WE CAN FURNISH YOU WITH DETAILS THAT YOU WILL USE TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR INSURANCE COVER.

We are glad to be of service to you.

We anticipate your immediate action on this matter of world interest

Sir. Gabriel Evans
Western-Union-Money-Transfer Department,

CC: Sender
CC: Federal Ministry of Finance
CC: Federal Ministry of Internal Affairs
Tel: [NUMBER]
Email: [EMAIL]
Email: [another email?]
P.S: Cash Will Be Available for Pickup via Western Union with Details:
============================
MTCN: 017-591-6070
Sender's Name: Micheal Wells
Question: Colour
Answer: Pink
============================



August 3, 2012 

Subject: Insurance Policy

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Good tidings to you and yours, Sir Gabriel:

Thank you for getting back to me on the matter of payment for the insurance on the Western Union transfer.  It is unfortunate however, because I was unable to read most of the contents.  My retched neighbor downloaded a macro onto my computer that converts anything written in CAPS LOCK to an unreadable form of what appears to be Elvish.  I have tried most online translators in an attempt to convert this gibberish back into English, but to no avail.  It appears that you have been using CAPS LOCK quite extensively in your message, and therefore I was unable to read those sections.  This is regrettable, because it appears that these are the sections in which you respond to my request.  I can only assume that you are in agreement with my request to use a portion of the account funds to pay for the transfer insurance, which should conclude the matter of the payment.  Please let me know if this is not the case.

I look forward to hearing from you with the details of how I can obtain my funds.

Good day to you,
Sir Alan Grant, Knight of Juras Sickpark



August 3, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


Attention: Sir Alan Grant.

Upon confirmation of your details, please note that nothing can be removed/deducted from your funds because its being protected by a hard cover insurance policy, which secures/ensures the safe cash-out of your funds by you, As our Transfer Release Department will require the insurance payment from you before we Can sign And Confirm the Release Transfer, As we will want you to Note that any Breach of Transfer will Remain Void.

If you are ready to make payment for your insurance cover, then get back to us, so we can furnish you with details that you will use to make payment for your insurance cover.

We are glad to be of service to you.

We anticipate your immediate action on this matter of world interest

Sir. Gabriel Evans
Western-Union-Money-Transfer Department,



August 3, 2012 

Subject: Insurance Policy

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

I'm going to be honest here: that response caught me by complete surprise.  I assumed that the funds themselves would be able to cover the insurance for the transfer.  Well this is embarrassing.  What exactly is the definition of a "hard cover" insurance policy?  Why is it preventing me from using my own money to pay for the transfer?  I guess I just don't understand the concept of this "hard cover" insurance; can you please explain it to me?  Thank you for being patient with me.  I understand that I can be difficult, but the reason for this is because I was born with a disorder that doctors call Tiger-Brain Syndrome.  As a result, I have a much lower intelligence than most people, but I am very nimble and have great reflexes.  So if you would be so kind as to explain to me why I have to send money when you are already in possession of all my money, I would greatly appreciate it.

Your friend,
Sir Alan Grant



August 4, 2012 

Subject: Re: Your Western Union Order

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


The hard cover insurance policy on your funds means your fund is highly secured and safe without any breach in transfer. Which makes it impossible for the insurance cover to be taken from your total sum transfer.


  
August 6, 2012 

Subject: Insurance Policy

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello again Sir Gabriel,

I am still failing to understand how those two things are related?  The fact that it ensures that my funds are secure is not causality for me not being able to use my money to pay for the insurance.  I see no connection between those two things.  That's like saying that Mars has two moons so therefore I am a pirate.  Please provide a better explanation for why you won't let me pay for the transfer insurance with my money.  Once I understand, I will send you more personal data than you will know what to do with.

Thank you,
Sir Alan Grant



August 6, 2012 

Subject: matter of urgency

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Dear Sir Alan Grant
According to our banking protocols, funds ranging above $500,000.00USD must be insured for safe and secured transfer, and the insurance charges cannot be removed from the said amount of transfer, because the whole amount of $4,000,000.00USD has already been lodged for transfer and its figure cannot be tempered with in order to avoid any breach in transfer. if we attempt to subtract the insurance cover fee from your funds, your transfer would be breached and your funds will become VOID.

Please get back to us earliest because this is a matter of urgency that demands immediate attention.




August 7, 2012 

Subject: matter of urgency

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel
 
Dear Sir Gabriel,

Thank you for explaining the situation to me in further detail.  I certainly wouldn't want my transfer to be tempered with: that sounds downright dangerous.  Personally, I refuse to tamper with any tempering processes.  I am in agreement that this insurance will need to be taken care of before the transfer can occur (now that I understand you folks take such a hard stance on this "hard cover" insurance).  Is this where the "colour = pink" codes come in?  I mean after all, that insurance expense will be small potatoes compared to the money I'll get once my transfer comes through, am I right???  In fact, now that I think about it, I am willing to provide an additional $250 to you for your incredible and helpful services, Sir Gabriel.  You have done an outstanding job answering my questions up to this point in time, and I am willing to send along some additional cash for your troubles.  I mean, I'M GOING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!

Thank you ever so much,
Lord Alan Grant



August 7, 2012 

Subject: matter of urgency

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Attention: Sir Alan Grant.

Below is our account officer details that you are to use to make payment for the Insurance Cover to enable the secured release of your funds

Use the below detail to make payment for your insurance cover via Western-Union-Money-Transfer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Receivers Full Names: [NAME]
Receivers Address: No. 13 Alex Dr, etete, Benin, Edo, Nigeria, 23452.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When You have made the above payment as instructed Via Western-Union-Money-Transfer, send back to us the below required details of payment, for confirmation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sender's First Name:.........................

Sender's Last Names:........................

Country/city/state/zip code of where money is sent
from:.........................

Sender's Address:......................

Sender phone No:...........................
MTCN [Money Transfer Code Number]....................... .......
Amount Sent:.........................

Text Question : ...........................
Text Answer :..........................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the payment is made, you are to fill the above required details of payment via email to enable the us confirm your payment and start processing your Transfer with immediate effect.

After we have received and confirmed your payment, then we will send you the co-ordinate details required for your cash out.

We are glad to be of service to you.

We anticipate your immediate action on this matter of world interest

Sir. Gabriel Evans
Western-Union-Money-Transfer Department,



August 8, 2012 

Subject: matter of urgency

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

I know that it was only just yesterday that I told you I would be able to include an additional $250 with the insurance money (because you have been so kind and helpful), but last night a freak accident occurred that left my family (and most of my town) will excessive property damage.  It appears that several trees collapsed, breaking the dam and releasing the river.  As a result, the first two floors of our house were flooded, destroying nearly everything.  Luckily my family is safe, but the same can't be said for many others in my town.  The last estimates indicated that 3,000 people drowned, 850 were killed in the fires following the river flood, and 11,000 were wounded (including about 1,000 people who contracted Schistosomiasis or Dysentery).  Truly horrible.

With us needing as much money as possible right now to pay for the damage, I'm afraid I'm going to redact on my previous statement and say that I can't at this time pay you the extra $250 on top of the insurance claim.  I promise that I can pay you the extra money after this Western Union transfer goes through.  Can you forgive me?

Your dear friend,
Lord Alan Grant



August 8, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Attention: Sir Alan Grant.

We are very sorry to hear about your tragedy, thanks to God you and your family are safe. I am very grateful for your kindness to send me some money, but please do not worry about paying me extra, i am alright. just proceed with making payment for your insurance cover via Western-Union-Money-Transfer so we can effect the release of your funds.

Use the below detail to make payment for your insurance cover via Western-Union-Money-Transfer.

This is followed by the same Western Union body that he's been sending in like every email.



 
August 8, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

 Dear Sir Gabriel,

Thank you for understanding my situation.  It breaks my heart to tell you that my neighbor, Michelob, passed away just a few hours ago.  The river had swept away some of the attractions at our local theme-park, releasing a group of alligators into the neighborhood.  While his family was cleaning up the devastation left by the river waters, he had been carrying carrot cakes for his mother.  Once the alligators got a whiff of those carrot cakes, they just went to town on him.  We were hoping that he would survive the injuries he sustained, but it is with great sadness that I inform you he did not make it.

I wanted to send his mother some of what little money we still have, because she has to provide for three remaining children, which is difficult given her occupation (she is an entertainer at the local gentleman's club).  Knowing that you are a caring and understanding gentleman, I was hoping to reduce the cost of the insurance to donate that money to Michelob's family.  I can send $350 of the $650 to cover the insurance if that is acceptable to you.  Thank you for your infinite compassion and wisdom.

Lord Alan Grant



August 9, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

We are in acknowledgement of your mail and its content was well noted. I do not know for sure if making part payment for the insurance charges is best for this case right now. we advise you make the complete payment for the insurance cover to avoid any delays. but if you insist on making part payment, then kindly proceed and the send the part payment so we can proceed with immediate effect.

please note that this is a matter of urgency that demands immediate attention.



August 9, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Who is this "we" business you mention?  I had come to understand that I was speaking to only you, good sir knight, and did not realize that there were others involved in our transfer.  This does not bode well, because you never mentioned any third parties before.  I do not feel that I can trust you if you've been working with others.  How do I know that these people are not trying to steal my money.  I can obviously vouch for your honesty, but I have no idea if these others are back-stabbing Australians or perhaps even worst: Mongols.  These unknown people might even try to steal my insurance money without any intent to actually send me my Western Union funds (however ridiculous that may sound). 

It hurts me to know that you have been working with others on this without even mentioning them to me.  I hope this is just a bump in our long-standing trust.  Please explain to me who this "we" business is about.

Your Friend,
Lord Alan Grant



August 9, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

please note that there is no time to waste upon waiting your clearance with the insurance, because you have limited days to clear your funds before it gets void and returned back to its sender. and please note that when i use the word "WE", i use it to represent myself and my bank, NOT A THIRD PARTY. Sir, we strongly recommend in your best interest that you do not waste any more time clearing your funds with the insurance. if you had made payment for the insurance cover, by now we would have been processing your transfer.
This is a matter of urgency that demands immediate attention with no more delays.



August 9, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

 Dear Sir Gabriel,

Thank you for clearing up your obvious grammatical blunder.

You are absolutely correct, there is very little time to lose.  I am very interested in investing into some new technologies with this vast sum of money, and what better time to invest than right now.  Strike iron while hot, as my fortune cookie says.  I will go to the nearest Western Union as soon as possible to make this insurance payment.  It might take a day or two because our town is still flooded, so I will have to wait to borrow one of the few rowboats accessible to us to get to the Western Union office.  Please be patient and refrain from using CAPS because all I see is elvish/icelandic.

Please let me know if you acknowledge this transmission.  I am wondering if, once the transfer is secure, you would be interested in joining me with my investments.  I'm looking to invest in Banana research.  Bananas are about to make a huge impact with new banana technology available, and I want to grab a chunk of that market.  If we invest some of that money I'll be getting into banana-related hormones, we'll be able to develop car-sized bananas.  Just think about the amount of banana bread we'll be able to create with that amount of fruit.  Do let me know if you want in on this investment.

Your friend,
Lord Alan Grant



August 9, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

i will consider your investment proposal and i will let you know in due time if would invest and how much i will invest. meanwhile as soon as you are done with making payment for your insurance cover Via Western-Union-Money-Transfer, send back to us the below required details of payment, for confirmation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sender's First Name:...................................
Sender's Last Names:...................................
Country/city/state/zip code of where money is sent
from:.....................................................
Sender's Address:...................................
Sender phone No:....................................
MTCN [Money Transfer Code Number]....................... .......
Amount Sent:..........................................
Text Question : ...........................
Text Answer :..........................



August 10, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

It gladdens my heart to hear that you are interested in investing with me in my Banana Research venture.  Once the insurance payment clears and my funds are transferred, we can begin discussing in earnest how to get this business off the ground.

I have access to the town rowboat this afternoon, and I intend to send the insurance payment of $300 this afternoon.  Do you have any special requests?  I will send you the information once the payment has been completed.

Lord Alan Grant, Esq.



August 11, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

I have no special request. please proceed with making payment for the insurance cover.



August 13, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Dearest Sir Gabriel,

I write to inform you that I have indeed processed the insurance payment of $300, so here are the details below.  Please let me know how we shall proceed to the next phase, which is me obtaining my monies.

Sender's First Name: Alan
Sender's Last Name: Grant
Country/city/state/zip code of where money is sent from: USA/Juras Sickpark/Montana/33017

Sender's Address: 5 Wobbleknees Way
Sender phone No: 91-1034-6609
MTCN [Money Transfer Code Number] 2989115571
Amount Sent: $300
Text Question : Does Sir Gabriel have genital warts?
Text Answer :Yes

Thank you,
Lord Alan Grant



August 13, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

Please be informed that we are unable to confirm your payment because the payment information you provided us with bounced back with  CODE: W0131 which means "there is no order with the provided information. Please verify your payment information and get to us with a valid payment information to confirm your transfer.


Sender's First Name: Alan
Sender's Last Name: Grant
Country/city/state/zip code of where money is sent from: USA/Juras
Sickpark/Montana/33017
Sender's Address: 5 Wobbleknees Way
Sender phone No: 91-1034-6609
MTCN [Money Transfer Code Number]: 2989115571
Amount Sent: $300
Text Question : Does Sir Gabriel have genital warts?
Text Answer :Yes



August 13, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

What is this!?  Are you trying to swindle me?  Of course I sent the insurance payment!  I will have to wait to use the rowboat again in order to get back down to Western Union.  What did they say when you called?  Is it possible that they did not send it in yet?  If you are trying to trick me and steal my money, I swear I will hunt you down and I will make you regret stealing from Lord Alan Grant!  I will destroy everything that you hold dear to you if you are lying to me!

Your friend,
Lt. Alan Grant



August 13, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


I am not joking, there is no valid transaction with the money transfer control number you sent us. Please send us a scanned copy of the payment reciept script from western union to confirm your payment.



August 13, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

You think I can start scanning receipts all willy-nilly whenever you can't get access to the money that I sent you???  I'm in the middle of a flood, bro; I need to use a rowboat to get to a building with a working scanner!  The next time I have the rowboat booked for myself (the townsfolk and I have created a rowboat schedule), I will paddle on down to Western Union to make sure that they have sent it already, and if not, to see why their tubes are plugged.  I don't have access to the rowboat right now because my neighbor is currently using it to hunt food for us on the far banks so that we may eat tonight.

Regards,
Prof. Alan Grant



August 14, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant


We tried confirming your payment this morning and it bounced back again stating that there is no order with the information you provided us with. please verify your transaction and provide us with a valid payment information.



August 14, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Ok I paddled over to the Western Union in our town.  It is a long trip in a rowboat, but I stopped for a picnic about halfway.  It turns out that soon after I left yesterday, the floodwaters were so strong that they collapsed the foundation of the building, effectively destroying the Western Union in Juras Sickpark and any hopes for you to receive my money today.  I guess they weren't able to send out my payment in time because the building imploded before they had a chance to hit send.  This is pure speculation, because I'm not sure anyone made it out of there alive.

But fear not dear friend.  There's whisperings of another Western Union location not far from where I live.  I am planning on making the trek TODAY.  I will let you know as soon as I return that I have made the insurance payment of $250.  It will very likely be later today.  Please send confirmation that you have the ability to check your account once I have made the payment.

Regards,
Sr. Alan Grant



August 14, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

We would be able to confirm your payment immediately you provide us with a valid payment information. And please note that the insurance charges is $650 dollars. Not $250. You previously told me that you would like to send $350 because you intended helping your neigbour with some money. So the insurance are especting to recieve $350 from you as deposit payment for your insurance cover to enable the secure release of your funds.

as soon as you are done making payment for the insurance cover of $350 please send us the required details of payment for confirmation.



August 14, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Another of my neighbor's children has died in the flood, so I figured that an extra $100 donation would be appropriate and that, as a compassionate person, you would agree that helping her out is important.  I have arranged to use the rowboat for an hour and a half later this afternoon, so I will inform you immediately once everything has gone through.

Thank you for always being there for me,
Sgt. Alan Grant




August 15, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Great Sir Gabriel,

Success!  After traversing some pretty dangerous waters (including one region that appeared to be a nesting ground for some seriously poisonous snakes), I managed to make it to the fabled Western Union building.  It was like an oasis in the middle of the desert.  Nothing but water coolers and pens as far as the eye could see.  And that is where I made the payment for the insurance on my transaction.  Please note the details below.

Sender's First Name: Alan
Sender's Last Name: Grant
Country/city/state/zip code of where money is sent from: USA/Juras Sickpark/Montana/33017

Sender's Address: 5 Wobbleknees Way
Sender phone No: 91-1034-6609
MTCN [Money Transfer Code Number] 2989115998
Amount Sent: $200
Text Question : Does Sir Gabriel have a collapsed Urethra?
Text Answer :Yes

Please send me the details ensuring that you have sent my full transfer to me now that the insurance has been paid.

Thank you,
Sir Alan Grant, O.M.G.



August 15, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Evans Gabriel

To: Alan Grant

kindly note that the payment information you sent us again bounced back invalid. please note that we do not appreciate being taken for granted because we are very busy with thousands of customers and will not tolerate it if any customer tries to waste any of our time. if you send us any more invalid payments your transaction shall be suspended, stopped and returned back to sender.

If you truly do not wish to pay your insurance charges then our dealings are over and your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned back to sender. If you wish to proceed then provide us with a valid payment information to confirm your insurance payment.



August 15, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Sir Gabriel,

Kindly note that I am now very aware that you are trying to dupe me.  This is the second time that I have had to paddle/swim all the way out to Western Union, only to be told that you conveniently can't find my money.  You need to stop lying to me!  My payment absolutely went through and I have the receipt to prove it!  You had better explain yourself sir knight, or else we are going to have a big problem on our hands.  And by "we" I mean "you," and by "big problem on our hands" I mean "bunch of poison burning through your lying vocal chords."  Western Union has given me confirmation that the money has indeed gone through.  It is clear that either you are lying to me or that you gave me the wrong sender information.  Up until this point I have considered you one of my greatest friends.  I even used you as my emergency contact for my water polo team waiver.  If I find out that you've used me, you will rue the day SO HARD.

Your pal,
Sir Alan Grant



August 16, 2012 

Subject: proceed with insurance payment

From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Sir Gabriel,

Please let me know what the next step is to obtaining my funds now that you have my insurance money.  I have the Western Union receipt as proof that I have indeed paid.  Please contact me with the transfer details.

Yours in Christ,
Sir Alan Grant



August 19, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant


 kindly note that the payment information you sent us again bounced back invalid. please note that we do not appreciate being taken for granted because we are very busy with thousands of customers and will not tolerate it if any customer tries to waste any of our time. if you send us any more invalid payments your transaction shall be suspended, stopped and returned back to sender.
If you truly do not wish to pay your insurance charges then our dealings are over and your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned back to sender. If you wish to proceed then provide us with a valid payment information to confirm your insurance payment.



August 20, 2012 

Subject: Re: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned
From: Alan Grant

To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

It appears that you've switched font on me.  How was your weekend?  I hope it was glorious.  I spent mine trying put put back together the wreckage that is my life after the horrific river disaster.

As I have mentioned before, I have sent you the payment TWICE now.  I even have the receipt to prove it this second time.  Perhaps you gave me the incorrect bank information for whom to send it to?  Let me know if you wish to make sure those details are correct, because the receipt I have is proof that the money was in fact sent.  Kindly note that the insurance money was indeed sent to the details that you provided for me.  So the only way this could not have worked is if you sent me the wrong details.

Thank you for looking into that,
Barr. Alan Grant



August 21, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant


foward us a scanned copy of the payment receipt slip from western union.



August 21, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Alan Grant
To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Please see the attached copy of my payment receipt from Western Union.  Once you have agreed that the insurance payment was in fact paid, please provide the transfer details for my money.  I hope to use the money to repair damages from the river flood and to invest in our Banana research fund in which you promised you would partner with me.

Best,
Sir Alan Grant

Attachments: Western_Union_Real_Receipt.jpg
I took a generic stock photo from the Western Union website






August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

kindly note that we are unable to verify confimational proof of your payment, because you sent us a "no good" copy of your receipt. please scan each copy seperately and make sure that we can be able to clearly see and verify each details enclosed in the receipt.



August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Alan Grant
To: Evans Gabriel

Dearest Sir Gabriel,

Kindly note that you must be mistaken about my receipt.  It was not marked as "no good," in fact it was marked as "good."  I'm not sure where in that document you saw a "no good" marking, but I could not find it anywhere.  Please send me back the document so that I can verify you are looking at the correct pages.

Please let me know once you have sent the document back so that I may verify.

Regards,
Sir Alan Grant



August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

send us a clear scanned copy of each copy of your receipt to verify your payment. We attached a scanned copy of a western union receipt as an example of how we want you to send us the scanned receipt. make sure it is as boldly clear as the one attached to this mail.

Attachments: Wu_receipt.jpg

I won't attach it, just a Western Union receipt with scribbled out names in MS Paint



August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

Oh I apologize Sir Gabriel, I didn't realize that you needed a bigger file.  Please see attached.  I have include an improved, larger image.

Your friend,
Sir Alan Grant

Attachments: Western_Union_Real_Receipt_Improved.jpg




August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

please take a close look as the attached receipt you sent us if you can see and very the the mtcn number and the sender details writen in pen. until you send us a visible copy of your receipt with the mtcn number and all details writen with pen shown, then we cannot verify your payment



August 22, 2012 

Subject: your funds of $4,000,000.00USD will be returned

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

Sir Gabriel,

My apologies.  Please note the MTCN number on the image.

Sincerely,
Sir Alan Grant

Attachments: Western_Union_Real_Receipt_Improved_Signed.jpg





August 22, 2012 

Subject: Re: your transaction has been suspended
From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

You have reached your maximum limit of providing us with invalid payment informations. Your transaction has been suspended.



August 22, 2012 

Subject: Re: your transaction has been suspended

From: Alan Grant
To: Evans Gabriel

Hello Sir Gabriel,

Please inform me as to why my receipt was invalid when it clearly contained the correct insurance transfer information.  I have sent you my insurance via Western Union like you requested, and if there is an issue with the receipt, please let me know what is wrong.  Otherwise I will demote you from Knight back down to Surf so fast it will make your head spin.

Please send back my receipt with a note letting me know what the issue was.

Sir Alan Grant



August 22, 2012 

Subject: Re: your transaction has been suspended

From: Evans Gabriel
To: Alan Grant

send us a clear scanned copy of each copy of your receipt to verify your payment. We attached a scanned copy of a western union receipt as an example of how we want you to send us the scanned receipt. make sure it is as boldly clear as the one attached to this mail.

Attachments: Wu_receipt.jpg

Same email and everything.


August 22, 2012 

Subject: Re: your transaction has been suspended

From: Alan Grant
To: Evans Gabriel

Oh you want me to use the attached sheet.  Now I understand.  Please see attached.

Lord Alan Grant

Attachments: Wu_receipt_signed.jpg


Monday, August 13, 2012

Portland: You Have Outdone Yourself

This past weekend I had the pleasure of traveling to Portland, Maine for the weekend with some fun-loving, stoke-creating ladies and gentlesirs.  Portland is awesome for a number of reasons: most of them include the word "brewery," but some don't, and that is why this place is great.

We spent Friday night at Meghan's grandparents' house a few miles south of the city: getting to know some great people, drinking some great Harpoon beer (shout out to Meesh providing free growlers), and screaming at the people in the TV for not doing the Olympics correctly.  Note: sleeping in a barn-like room with the A/C blasting is always a great start to the weekend.

Saturday we arrived in Portland, meandering our way to the location of a daytime concert put on by "Mumford and Friends," to which we had tickets.  After taking in some (read: NOT ENOUGH) of the city, we went into the concert venue, snagging some up-front real estate.  Andrew and I spent a majority of the concert in the beer garden.  The opening acts were ok, but really don't hold a candle to Mumford and Sons, who were awesome.  They played their two songs AND SOME ADDITIONAL ONES WHICH WERE GOOD.  They then got all the bands on stage to sing some crazy group-lyrical-ballad, ending in fireworks.  NICE.

Mumf and/or Sons playing one of their two songs (Little Lion Man and the Cave)

WE. ARE. BEAUTIES.


We then headed down for a night on the town (always a good idea).  This included singing quite a number of songs about J'Oysters, which is a premiere location in Portland and should be included as a lyric replacing 60-70% of the words of any of your favorite songs.  We were lucky enough to get into Gritty's bar, not only because the bars were packed this evening, but also because Meesh decided that "bringing her ID" wasn't a high priority.  Everything turned out ok though, and it turned out to be quite an excellent evening, despite the fact that a majority of their beers are terrible.

Fake mustaches were handed out upon entry to the concert.  Obviously.

Meeshes gonna Meesh


Sunday began with a gradual entering into society from a hazy, hangovery stupor.  This was accelerated with a great brunch just down the road from Ryan's brother's place (where we were able to stay for the evening).  Their Jamaican jerk hash was out of control, and they had some great Bloody Mary's.  We then drove to Ryan's grandmother's place on the beach, just outside Portland.  Fuck.  So awesome.  We spent the day sitting in the ocean near their private beach.  I got about 400 lacerations from the waves hurling me into dagger-like rocks, but they were totally worth it.
Andrew's not hungover...

Puppies were required at the beach

Are you kidding me?  HOW ARE WE NOT MODELS.

Oh that's why.



We then ended the weekend with some delicious Lobster.  Holy crap.  Such a good weekend.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Owl's Head: Unfairly Infamous

Of all the 48 4000-footers in the White Mountains, Owl's Head is the most unfairly judged.  When you tell people you are going to hike it, the most common reaction is "ugh, why are you hiking that?"  It gets some bad press for being one of the smallest 4000-footers, having no view at the summit, and for being a 20-mile round-trip hike.  But overall, I'd say this was one of the most surprisingly good hikes I've done so far.  Sure it's 20 miles, but 18 of those are completely flat - to the point where we actually ran parts of it.  And the intensely steep climb at the end of the flat is really fun scrambling with decent views of the Franconia Ridge.  Also, there are some fun river crossings to help cool you down.  DOUBLE ALSO: there are frogs and toads all over the place, just like the Pemi Loop.  Overall, I'm rating this one a 1 on the hiking binary scale, which I've just invented, just now:
0 - would not hike again
1 - would hike again

But enough about ones and zeros.  Our big driver for hiking Owl's Head was that after backpacking the Pemi Loop last weekend, where we saw Owl's Head mountain from EVERY SUMMIT (almost), we decided to "thread the needle."  So Sarah, Sterling and I drove up to the Tufts Loj the night before for a Sunday morning hike.  Along the way, we saw an epic double rainbow.
Double rainbow, but not quite all the way across the sky!  WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
Ok, the second rainbow is pretty faded on the left, but still!  IT COUNTS.
Then hanging out at the Loj with some growlers before bed.  AND THEN waking up early to start the hike at 6 o'clock in the A.M.  Three hours and a few river crossings later, and we were at the base of the Owl's Head trail, which is the short, unmaintained trail up to the summit.  It's conceivable to lose your way, but the trail was fairly easy to follow.  Part of it is an exposed rock-slide, which is fairly scrambly and awesome.
"We came from that way"

Getting scrambly...
After that, it was just a little walk to the view-less summit.  Eh, I can do with that since we had some pretty good views on the rock-slide.  But the summit didn't have a sign (apparently it gets stolen every once in a while, oh well).
The hike back was flat and just as fast as getting to the Owl's Head trail, with frogs, toads, and a shitload of butterflies all over the place.
What are all these butterflies doing here?  You guys are crazy.

So we finished the 20-mile hike in just under 8 hours.  Not a bad hike at all.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Backpacking the Pemi Loop

FINALLY!  Backpacking happened in my life!  It's been a while, but the weekend of June 16 I went on a grand expedition with Sarah "I like peanut M+Ms" Holland and Sterling "The" Wall to the White Mountains to backpack what's called the Pemigewasset Loop.  I don't know if there are enough synonyms for the word "awesome" to describe this adventure.  I'll assume there aren't and will just say "we had fun."
Sunrise from Mt. Bond over Mt. Washington.  Meh.

Friday night we got out of work, and after equal parts of raw oysters and traffic, were on our way to the Tufts Loj, blasting Lonely Island all the way there.  You know your weekend is going to be great when you have soup and brownies waiting for you.  So my night included a few "5-minute mysteries," organizing our backpacks, and burning the absolute fuck out of my mouth on delicious, boiling soup.

We woke up on Saturday, gorged ourselves (well, at least I did), and drove to the nearby Lincoln Woods trailhead to start the loop.  Even though our packs were heaviest at this point, we had a lot of... I don't know... spunk?  Whatever you want to call that "adventure excitement energy" (adxcitergy?), we summited Flume before we knew it.  The weather was perfect and the views were amazing.  Have I ever mentioned that urinating off the top of a mountain is like one of the top things you can do?  Well it is.  And this would be the first of many such excretions of liquid waste.
Peeing off mountains.  Like... one of the top things you can in life.

A couple more miles (and a couple more conversations discussing the vast wealth of Sterling's gear knowledge) and we were at Liberty.  Another great view, and at this point Cannon is starting to come into view.  Awesomefest 2k12.
Two summits down and morale is still high

The rest of the Franconia Ridge is pretty great, because you get views on BOTH SIDES.  To the west: Cannon and the Kinsmans, to the east: the entire Pemi loop and Washington beyond that.  And hiking along an exposed ridge... with GOOD weather (being inside a pingpong ball while hiking the Presidential Ridge is a little lackluster)... is amazing.  After summiting Lincoln and Lafayette, I started getting a little annoyed by how many times I said "this is the coolest thing ever" to myself, but then finding that I was wrong after hiking a little more.  Needless to say, the views from Lafayette were astounding.
The Franconia Ridge is preeeeeeetty great

I don't have a sassy comment for this picture

Then came what was probably my least favorite part of the trip: the long, painful downhill from Lafayette and the following uphill to Garfield.  My knees exploded so many times, like, you don't even know.  But the view from Garfield was totally worth it.  Just as clear and windy as last time, but this time it isn't the winter.  With our bodies banged up and an army of hungries knocking at our stomach doors (this is a sentence I'm proud of), we made our way to the Garfield campsites, which were actually farther than we were hoping.  But oh man!  Filling up on water, making some dehydrated dinners (which actually turned out DERICIOUS), it was good to just sit and not use our feet for a little bit.  Once we cleaned up a little, we played some card games in a cozy three-person tent, which devolved into reading "Marmot Facts" on Sterling's deck of cards from the gear company Marmot.  Ughfest.

We woke up Sunday morning in time to see sunrise just as a big fog cloud was creepin over the mountains.
The morning fog rolls in right after I take this picture

The rest of the morning's hiking was accomplished inside a humid cloud.  We refilled some water at the Galehead Hut, but a view from Galehead just wasn't possible with all the fog.  It was a nice break though, because it was just a short round-trip mile out-and-back up to the summit, so when we dropped our packs, it felt like we were nimble little forest critters or some shit like that.  We then rampaged up a fairly steep segment of the trail up to the South Twin summit.  Luckily, it was above the fog-line, so the view was pretty amazing.  We just saw a ring of summits, with clouds creeping over the lower parts and filling the Owl's Head valley.  So cool to see.
Sarah loooooooves those super steep hills

Similar to Galehead, we dropped our packs and made the longer out-and-back to North Twin with just a little bit of water.  Views weren't as good as from the South Twin summit, but by the time we got back to South Twin, the fog had all cleared up and it was sunny skies and awesome views for miles.
There is a very good reason for why I am doing this.


We then did some more trekking to Guyot Mountain for another out-and-back with no packs to Zealand.  The hike AND summit of Zealand were annoying, painful, and disappointing.  Which leads me to think that after hiking 41 of the 48 4000 footers, Zealand might be my least favorite.  SO GLAD it was just a short out-and-back, part of an already awesome loop.  Because if that was actually our destination for a day hike, that would be so shitty that there aren't any words in existence to describe exactly how bad that would be, so I'm forced to make one up: tunfortunate.  It's like a ton of unfor- you know what?  Don't worry about it.  It's a word now and it describes a hike to Zealand.
This is the best that Zealand has to offer

It was a pretty short hike to Guyot campsite, where we would make our homes for the evening.  We arrived fairly early.  I suppose you could continue on to all the Bonds and finish later in the evening, but... no, you wouldn't enjoy the Bonds as much and your knees might actually explode rather than the type of exploding that I use in my hyperbole.  Plus, after hiking all that in one day, you'd probably finish at about... oh just kill yourself because it's going to be damn late.  Luckily, taking the 3-day-backpacking option, we had some time to relax a bit at the shelter we decided to occupy (rather than set up a tent again).  NAPPYTIMES ENSUED.  And then food.  We then decided to try to see sunset from West Bond.  Unfortunately, there were some seriously low-hanging clouds that blocked most of the view, but what we were able to see what pretty amazing.  Awesome views around the valley with parts lit up as some of the Sun's rays got through the bottom of the clouds.  Not the best sunset in the world, but it was all Jurassic Parky and cool looking.

We woke up Monday morning at fuck o'clock, still dark out, so we could hike up to Mt. Bond to catch sunrise.  And holy crap, that shit ruled so hard.  It comes over Mt. Washington.  I don't think I can describe the sea of clouds and the mountain tops appropriately, so here are some pictures.
wat
What.



WHAT!?


Yeah, what the fuck.  Also, I ate like a whole bag of honey-nut cheerios waiting for the Sun to come up.  It was a pretty cool hike along an exposed ridge to Bondcliff, but unfortunate that fog started rolling in as we got there.  Still an awesome summit, so I'll probably have to go back.
It was definitely a fun place to romp around


The fog started getting SERIOUS

After that, it was just... 9ish miles on a relatively flat, long hike back to the trailhead.  Ok, the first mile was steep, and then the rest was COMPLETELY flat.  And by the end of it, I had about a million bug bites and my feet were killing me.

Overall: great hiking, finally got to backpack, and the views were phenomenal. And a shitload of frogs and toads EVERYWHERE.  We did not taste them however.  But we did opt for a huge BBQ meal after the hike.  Best decision ever.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 52 and the final few days

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.  One entire year of haikus every day.  WTF.

Caturday 6/30/2012
Big day with Cool Cat
Afternoon beers and a film
Then: TERRIBLE things



Sunday 7/1/2012
Tall ships in Boston
Filling my gut with chowder
Like... so much chowder


Monday 7/2/2012
Only one more week
I'm becoming terrified
Ready to be done


Tuesday 7/3/2012
Yet another day
Beers bring solace after work
Now more thesis work


Wednesday 7/4/2012
Fireworks in the rain
A damp, incredible sight
I'm ready for Chines


Thursday 7/5/2012
Time for some training
This week is getting hectic
I need to de-stress


Friday 7/6/2012
Out with Ed (again)
Insane Boston roofdeck views
Another great night



Caturday 7/7/2012
Bachelor party!
Polish Horseshoes and swimming
Bacon burger. YES.



Sunday 7/8/2012
Whitewater rafting
Exhausting and refreshing
Now I must prepare.



Monday 7/9/2012
Thesis: DEFENDED.
Rocked it like a hurricane
I have my life back


Wow, this has been a wild ride.  A YEAR (well, a few days more than a year - leap years are crazy) of haikus every day.  It was a pretty interesting experiment: I found that it was a really good way to get a mini-recap of my day.  Just a few words to help remember what I did each day, each week etc.  I've actually used it to go back and see when certain events happened and to check dates.  And it only took like 5 minutes a day.  Not a bad way to get a little creative (or boring as hell when all I do is thesis work).


Also, I kind of wish I could get some stats on these.  Like "how many times did I use the word 'awesome' or 'thesis?'"  And the fact that I've called it "Caturday" every single week has had it's effect on my vocabulary.  I can't believe it's been a year.  If you'd like a little haiku-recap, you can start here and go through or look up the "haiku" tags.
So, who's ready to help me publish these?  DON'T ALL JUMP AT THE SAME TIME.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Hiking the Wildcats

I hiked the Wildcats on June 9 with a few hiking enthusiasts.  Best part: awesome views of Tuckerman's Ravine.  Worst part: my knee was at "exploding" levels of pain at the end.

It was an amazing day for hiking.  With the intention of getting back to Boston early, Sarah picked us up around 4:45am, so after driving through up to New Hampshire and through some of the Whites, we got started around 8:15.  After crossing a pretty big stream, the hike started out pretty damn steep.
X-Treme River Crossing

After half an hour, we were all silently considering going back to the car.  But we didn't, and after a few handfuls of peanut MandM's (the blag doesn't like when I use ampersands?) we made it to the first summit: Wildcat D.  Part of the Wildcat Ridge is a ski mountain, and there was actually a working gondola by the summit.  Awesome views of the east side of Mt. Washington.
Views weren't too bad

I can't believe I skied that shit last year...



A few ups and downs along the ridge, but after that first big uphill, it wasn't too bad.  We went along some other summits (Wildcat C, Wildcat B) that don't "count" in terms of 4000 footers, and in fact it was difficult to tell when we were at a summit.  We made it to Wildcat A, or "Wildcat Mountain," for a great view of Carter Dome and some lakes.  Apples and peanut M+M's were had by all.  Best part about the summit: adorable golden retrievers pupping around all over the place.
The hike back down was... let's just say... fuck.  My knee took a serious beating.  But after what seemed like an eternity (but probably wasn't) we made it back to the river crossing.  At this point we were so hot, sweaty, dirty, and in crazy knee pain, that we all took our boots off and waded across.  Seriously, why can't I end ALL my hikes like that?  So insanely refreshing.  It scratched me right where I itched.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bay to Breakers in San Francisco

Let me begin this post by first saying that I think our weekend in S.F. was one of the best so far in 2012.  The people, weather, and activities all culminated into one awesome adventure the likes of which the world rarely sees.  This was compounded by the fact that our running joke for the weekend was the youtube video "Street Talk with the Beards," a highly ridiculous beard documentary which includes such phrases as "hey fuckhead, where's your beard?" and "you look like shit, you gotta have a beard."  Classic.
Also, you might want to hear what a local bear has to say about the weekend. 

Joe and Rebecca hosted a few of us (namely Kyle "the bear" Thompson-Westra, Paul "Michael" Richard, Sarah Motherfucking Holland, and myself) for a long weekend during Bay to Breakers.  We had talked about it back in the Fall, so I'm pretty glad we were able to make it happen (with fairly cheap plane tickets too!).  And it was a great way to end my full-time-thesis semester with a bang.  Joe, Rebecca, and Kyle picked us up as we arrived Thursday night, with much celebration and excited greetings.  I'm not even sure what Rebecca was saying half the time, she was talking so fast.  It was pretty late when we arrived, so our night included a trip to the Mission for some burritos before heading to bed at Joe and Rebecca's apartment.
Rebar had to work on Friday, so the rest of us had a hiking/beach adventure with some surprisingly amazing weather during the day.  It started with an interesting interaction with a bagel guy at the local coffee shop, and then a tornado-esque trip to the ferry to barely catch a boat over to Marin.
"You want salt and pepper on your bagel?  Man, I put that on the regular." - Insane Bagel Guy (IBG)

Here, we hiked around Mt. Tam (again, where did this weather come from?) and down to Stinson beach.
I'm sorry, where are we again?  San Francisco doesn't get "sunny."

I'd be lying if I said this was a peaceful affair.  Unfortunately some thorn bushes had it in for me.  But it wouldn't be an adventure if I weren't bleeding from the knees, amirite?  It's always interesting, being an east coaster, to see the ocean while hiking on a mountain.  After some serious beach fries, we explored the beach: building random sculptures out of driftwood and climbing the rocky boulders.
WHERE DO WE THINK WE'RE GOING WITH THAT?

Just climbin some beach rocks

We have our own little rocky outcove.  Nobody can really see us in here...

WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR NAKED BEACH TIME

We even took an NQR-style dip into the freezing ocean (yes, in broad daylight).  We took a different hike back, luckily shaded by some Giant Sequoia trees, because the unexpected Sun wreaked havoc on our poor, unprotected skin.

Kyle, stoic as usual

We picked Rebs up from work and went back to the apartment via the Golden Gate.
Hello there, giant awesome bridge

Food was a priority at this point, so we meandered over to a local food truck gathering for some RIDICULOUSLY DELICIOUS food.  Without hyperbole, those were the best dumplings I've ever had in my life.  Paul arrived, and we even got to meet up with Train, Arles and Meesh, and some other wilderness/frisbee Tuftonians.  A few bars later, we were tipsy and danced-out, so bedtime for us.

Saturday was a day for some light exploring (Alamo Square area) and intense hanging-out (Dolores Park).
Dolores Park.  Where people go to HANG THE FUCK OUT

Again: impeccable day.  We spent a lot of the day taking in the atmosphere and people watching, observing the interactions with people selling their "special" food-wares.  I was able to meet up with my cousin, Blake, but to be honest, the liberal "you can drink outside and nobody cares about anything you do" atmosphere of the city ensured that my head was in an interesting state, so time was constantly in flux.  Before I knew it, we were ending the night quietly with some darts before preparing for Bay to Breakers in the morning.
We awoke bright at early to begin our preparations for Bay to Breakers (read: started enjoying Bloody Marys at 7:30am dressed as Slutty Amish).
RUMSPRINGA

"I hope I don't get suspender Sun burns"

Blake with clothes on!

A crew of about 20 of us then marched on the city, drunkenly meandering from park to park along the running route.  We hung out, yelled at random passers-by to "grow a beard," had some wine, vigorously applied sunscreen, facepalmed in shame as our cousins spent the day lounging with no pants or underwear on, and napped, only to awake to find that everyone was gone and that suspenders and jorts sans shirt do not insulate against the rapidly cooling temperature.  But by the end of the day, after wacky misadventures and seeing a shitload of people naked, we had only enough energy to order WAY too much pizza and watch the Muppets, which is actually a great film.
Luckily our flights back to civilization were on Monday, so we had some time for some light touring before heading to the airport.  Intense sunburns aside, the weather stayed perfect the entire weekend and it was amazing.  And it was great seeing everyone... I don't think we could have done this weekend any better.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 51

Whoa boy.  Coming down to the end.

Caturday 6/23/2012
Reading in the Sun
Imbibing with some soccer
Surprise thunderstorm?



Sunday 6/24/2012
Hiking a long trail
So unfairly infamous
Owl's Head: two thumbs up


Monday 6/25/2012
A long day at work
Followed by long thesising
Thank god for cupcakes


Tuesday 6/26/2012
Less than two weeks left
I'm having thesis nightmares
That's just fantastic


Wednesday 6/27/2012
This poem is bad
All I did was my thesis
Shit shit shit shit shit


Thursday 6/28/2012
Crappy burrito
You are not enough to eat
I must buy more food


Friday 6/29/2012
What a sweaty dance
Ten billion people dancing
Right in Central Square