Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/20/11 Olympic National Park

I woke up this morning and learned that sunrise was not a possibility due to intense cloud cover (yet again), so I went RIGHT back to sleep. We got up around 7:30, packed the tent up, and fled to the south eastern part of the park. We parked at a double trail head area (is that a phrase?) and had two short, but really fun hikes: Grove of the Patriarchs and Silver Falls. The former was a woody area with huge fir trees, almost as big as the Sequoias in California. It was a fun, relaxing hike, which ended with me hugging a 20 foot diameter tree.

Awwwww

The second hike went down to a cool, SLIPPERY waterfall area. There was a bridge and a lot of mist, which made for some really good pictures.

"We enjoy waterfalls."

We then drove north, along the side of Mt. Rainier (it was still covered in fog, so we couldn't see that fucking mountain) and on towards Olympic National Park over parts of the Puget Sound. We stopped for lunch and had some strawberry lemonade and I devoured a huge breakfasty meal (I love breakfast served all day). Then we drove into the northern part of the park, up an awesome-to-drive road along Hurricane Ridge. It was really fun to drive, and we got AMAZING views of the Puget Sound and of the incredible, snow-topped mountain range. The mountains, including the tallest, Mt. Olympus (guys, that's where the Gods live!), were gorgeous.

Standard Severino move right there

I was freaking out from how fucking beautiful they were. There were some black tail deer amidst the snow by the visitor center, but I'm still jaded by buffalo and bears in Yellowstone, so I didn't care too much for these boring-in-comparison animals.
The park itself is enormous. I didn't realize it, but most of the day required that we drive around the park to get to our campsite at Kalaloch beach. It was a LOT of driving, but luckily everything was beautiful, and there were tons of fireworks shops, and it was really fun to drive, so I didn't mind. I would have liked to hike more, but we just stopped for lookouts at Crescent Lake.
We managed to walk around at Ruby Beach, on the FUCKING PACIFIC COAST. There were tons of rocks to climb, and it was a beautiful landscape, so I was amped, naturally.

The ocean is on the wrong side of the land, but it's ok, it's still pretty

The Sun was also close to setting, so shadows made for some really cool pictures. I spent most of my time climbing the huge rock structures, because it was the most unsafe thing I could think of doing. Sometimes, while I was on top of the rocks, the waves would crash and spritz me with water: I felt like I was in Fantasia. That one with all the brooms? Yeah. Hilarious.

I am a pose machine

On the way back to the car we picked some wild raspberries. They tasted a little unsafe (that is a taste?), but whatever, I still haven't dropped a barf.
Then we drove to our campsite, which I had booked a while back. It was literally the last site with a beach overlook. And holy shit, when we arrived at the site, I almost crapped myself. The view from our site was amazing: RIGHT ON THE BEACH. It was cloudy, so sunset over the ocean wasn't possible, but who cares; it is still an incredible view.

This is the view we have to deal with from our campsite? UGH. FINE. I GUESS it's ok.

After setting up the tent, we made some dinner over the fire. Our mission was to use everything up, since it is our last camping night. MY personal mission was to dump the rest of the propane into the fire, since we can't take it back to the east coast with us. I did a good job of "accelerating" the fire with it. The dinner was good, but I'm just still so pumped about our perfect campsite location to even think about it. Also, I'm fairly tired from driving all day and not getting a chance to nap. If I had to describe the day in one word, it would be: Pumped.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/19/11 Mt. Saint Helens/Mt. Rainier

Bear with me. This journal entry isn't the most optimistic of the trip. I think this might have been a turning point where we were all tired, the weather was shitty, and we had been within 100 yards of each other every moment for literally the previous 192 hours. It wasn't the greatest day of the trip. And when I say that, I of course mean that it was SLIGHTLY less than the greatest experience of my life. Because I'm comparing it to the rest of the trip, which is like comparing winning 500 tons of delicious bacon in the lottery with only winning 499 tons of delicious bacon. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW I CAN ENTER THE BACON LOTTERY PLEASE.

Mt. Saint Helens
We woke up to leave the hotel around 6am. I got another shower, which was amazing. But there really wasn't all that much that happened besides checking out of the hotel and driving to Mt. Saint Helens. Good story, I know.
Driving along the curvy roads toward the mountain, we realized that the weather might not cooperate with us. In fact, we drove through a cloud literally the entire way to the observatory. We got out to see what was supposed to be an amazing view of the mountain, but as Alex so aptly described it, it looked like we were on the inside of a ping pong ball. Fog everywhere. No view. Hooray. I haven't been this downtrodden on the trip since our dealings with the Canyon Campground people in Yellowstone (I recently wrote a review of the campground. I gave them the worst possible ratings due to "extreme incompetence"). Sorry for the less-than-terrific start to the trip, Colleen. Now we're just waiting in the car for the visitor's center to open. Coooooool. But we saw the movie they play before they dramatically open the curtains for a view of the mountain/fog: kind of interesting?

There have been better views

Mt. Rainier
Driving to Mt. Rainier did not so much improve the weather. I feel like morale on this trip has decreased a bit due to the weather, or maybe the fact that we've been in each other's immediate presence for at least 23 hours a day every day for the past 9 days. Most likely a combination of the two. But we played some word games during the drive to lighten the mood, and then once we got to Mt. Rainier, my over exuberance was sufficient. It was so amazing! Super green rain foresty pine trees! LOOK AT ALL THE GWEEEEN (Katie Rizzolo, you've ruined the way I react when I see trees).

This isn't as bad as Mt. Saint Helens, but still kind of looks like the inside of a ping pong ball

We actually didn't do all that much in the park since it is really foggy and there was snow everywhere. Nadkarni wanted ice cream at one point, and I decided to make a note of it.
We drove to a cool lookout over a waterfall. The trail down to the lookout was snowy, cold, and icy, but totally worth it. We then ran up a huge snowy hill to ass-sled down. Still fun... but then my shorts were soaking wet after that. WORTH IT.

Ass-sledding: best kind of sledding?

Oh! Then fun news. Scott, who was driving today, just noticed that we were basically out of gas. I feel like more attention should have been paid to that, but hey, NEW ADVENTURE, LET'S DO THIS. We stopped at the visitor center first to hear a ranger talk about the first Summit of Mt. Rainier. Somewhat pleasant? Then we drove all the way out of the park for gas after a short hike over another waterfall.

Is it just me, or does Alex make the greatest faces of all time?

Almost ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to fill that huge fucking car. Ugh: it gets like 17mpg HIGHWAY. We've driven about 2000 miles on the trip so far. Intense.
After that, we just cooked some dinner over a fire, trying to get rid of most things since we only have one more camping night. Scott, as he tends to do, messed with a perfectly good fire to the point where it went out. Classic (to his defense, we were trying to use the coals to cook, so we had to make sure it was arranged such that our food wouldn't come out super raw). But it was rebuilt and we cooked a successful fucking meal. We're planning on doing a morning hike, so we're heading to bed pretty soon. I sincerely hope the weather is good tomorrow. I've already given up on seeing stars on a clear night for this trip. It sucks that I'm somewhat pessimistic here, but that's just the way things are proceeding. I better see SO MANY TIDEPOOLS at Olympic tomorrow...
Another great thing we've picked up on this trip is that when Scott tells a story that doesn't elicit the reaction he was looking for, he adds "and then I found five dollars!" to add a little ironic "pizazz." Today, Alex added "and then you found TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!" at the end of one of Scott's stories for the same effect, to simply indicate "cool story bro." It was hilarious. Kudos to Alex, because we've started doing that whenever someone has a "seemingly nonsensical" story.
Just remembered my post about Mt. Saint Helens. I was SO frustrated with the weather. Sure it is really our only real setback for the trip, but that really did suck.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/18/11 Portland, OR

Started the day at 4:15am by taking down the tent and driving out of camp in the pitch black (actually, the moon is fully, so it was fairly well lit up).
Then we drove for a while (I drove for a while) until the Sun rose over the mountains in the most beautiful spectacle that I've ever seen. I had to stop the car twice to pull over and see the ridiculous sunrise. Holy fuck.

HOW INSANE IS THIS SUNRISE? Answer: moderately to extremely

Then I drove for a while more, and after stopping for gas/lunch, Scott drove.

We saw a ton of wind turbine blades pass by us on the highway, so cool! HEY CAN ONE OF YOU DO MY THESIS PLZ?

My story isn't very exciting because I'm definitely drunk right now (HAHAHAH I was wondering why my handwriting was so sloppy for this entry! Oh boy, let's see what adventure drunk Chris takes us on!). Once we got to Portland (holy shit, Oregon is full of beautiful mountains and pine trees and an awesome river), we met Colleen at Rogue Brewery, which has amazing beers. One of Michelle's favorite beers is here, so I had it's steroid brethren. ANd got her a Rogue Deead Guy beer Glass (no typos here, I'm just typing exactly how it's written. Hahahah I had a few beers that evening...).

Then we had another brewery (we just basically had all the samplers in this fucking city): Crystal Hotel maybe? We were told that Bridge House or Bridge Port (a brewery that I can't [unreadable, maybe "remember"] the name, we're looking it up [unreadable] map right now: BRIDGE PORT!) was good, so we went there for dinner and a third sampler. Oyster sandwiches. (ok I guess I'm just going to start speaking in sentence fragments?) Like 12 more beers.

Yep, that explains it

We also went to a HUGE bookstore at some point in there (got postcards, huzzah!) and then looked at a donut shop that was actually closed down - Voodoo Donuts. (Apparently it is a really famous place, but we didn't feel like searching out the temporary location across the city). We didn't go to the alternate store. Holy crap I'm less than sober. Scott and I pissed off a bridge, then we all went swimming at our hotel. More stuff happened. Oh! Scott and I had a 4-Loco! (THERE IT IS). Then we went swimming. I know more things happened, but I'm not all there right now (seriously, you should see my handwriting here. It looks like I'm just learning how to draw letters). I talked to Michelle, which was good, and I got a message from Jessie, and I'll call her back again when it's not [late maybe?] at night (I ended up calling her super early in the morning, apparently so early that it was too early on the east coast also). We're on Pacific coast time btdubs. Oh 4-Loco. Fuck. (HAHAHAHAHAHAH I was out of my mind when I wrote this).
Then Portland had a naked bike race, which we didn't see, but it happened. I called my Dad for father's day (it is 1:40am in Philly, so that was a hilarious conversation), and now I'm ready to sleep. Let's do this again soon.
I don't actually think I was drunk when I wrote that. Well... maybe a combination of drunk and super exhausted. (ok so this is me writing the next morning).
I almost forgot: during the drive I saw a hawk fly by us and take a MASSIVE shit. Like, a gallon. It was hysterical. I can't explain why, but it was. AND everyone who has a green jacket looks like Colleen. This stems from seeing a girl at the bookstore with the same jacket as her, and then we went a little crazy with that joke, as we are wont to do.
Another thing! Apparently I talk a tad in my sleep. Also, I pass out IMMEDIATELY when my head hits the pillow. Some gems that I've had thus far (told to me later):
"Get the shotguns" - zombie dream.
"Alex spilled all the crackers" - ?
With Colleen still awake next to me:
Me: "Awesome."
Colleen: "What is awesome?"
Me: "no."
Colleen: "what?"
Me: "what?"
Colleen: "What is awesome?"
Me: "Cupcakes"
Colleen: "What?"
Me (quieter): "cupcakes"
I do not remember that conversation.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/17/11 Craters of the Moon National Monument

We managed to get up at 4:30am to head out of Yellowstone and towards our Idaho destination. We drove through the park one last time for about an hour as the Sun rose... and as the snow fell. It was odd. I saw one last black bear run across the road before we left. We entered Montana for about 20 minutes, and then on to Idaho, where we saw a CROP DUSTER fly right over us and then dump it's... stuff... onto a farm (seriously, what is that stuff? Pesticides? Fertilizer? I'm not going to exert the energy required to look it up). It was so awesome.

After driving a while through apparently beautiful Idaho (huge mountains as a backdrop to vast empty green farm fields - so epic), we went to Arco, ID. We actually missed our destination, the first nuclear reactor, so we had to drive all the way back to it. I enjoyed it thoroughly: it was a lot of really cool nuclear power info. They actually had the lead engineer's notebook (shit, I can't believe I forgot his name), open to when they first created power; something like "electricity was created with nuclear energy." SO FUCKING STOIC. The EBR-1: Experimental Breeding Reactor. I can't believe how nerdy I am right now.

I'm winning science!

Then we drove back to Arco to have lunch at "Pickle's Place" - I figured it was right up Scott's ally. They had decent burgers and fried pickles. They also had the schedule of the local town's (Butte, ID) baseball team: the Butte Pirates. AHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA

We got to Craters of the Moon, a small national park "area" completely devoid of trees since it is the site of a huge lava flow. The landscape is really bizarre; kind of like Mars or something. Or the moon... whatever. The rocks are redder. I say they change the name to Craters of Mars. ...I think I'm nerding out again...

We set up the tent and basically did the entire park in about 5 hours. I'd say half a day is more than enough time to spend here. There were some goofy little hikes around some lava flows. The Hawaiian names for the two different kind of lava are hilarious and awesome, a lot like Bryce's "Hoodoos." Pahoihoi (sp?) and Aa (pronounced Ah-Ah). Basically, I just scream these words whenever I see a lava flow rock.

We checked out a few caves - they were interesting; some required headlamps. One in particular was awesome. It was super icy (so obviously I slipped and tore my leg up a bit) and then Scott and I found a little crevice where we went spelunking: basically crawling through a tiny cave hole until our bodies can't fit any more. I managed to scrape up my arm and legs and cracked the LCD of my shitty small camera, but whatever, it was awesome. I don't even like that camera anyway. At the point where my shoulders couldn't fit through spaces anymore, I backed out again. AND made it out alive. Score. Plus, added a few more battle wounds.

I'm smiling, so this must be pre-gashing-my-limbs-on-sharp-rocks

The Scott, Alex and I went for a 3-mile hike up and down a couple of the big craters. Volcanoes are crazy. It was a fun, dry, dusty hike. We've hiked through a lot of different types of terrain: we were in snow yesterday, and rocky, dusty, lava rocks today. We ran most of the downhills, which is funny, because Nadkarni could see the entire downhill run from our camp. Our site is literally viewable from almost all locations of the park. It is awkward, but funny. I tried to pee earlier, but realized people hiking across the lava flow pit could see. Whoopsidaisy.

LOOK HOW STRONG WE ARE

We just finished dinner AND watched sunset from our campground. It was really cathartic, and good to have another easy-ish evening. Finished off our ground beef with burgers, had some hot dogs, veggies, and baked beans on my camp stove. Only some minor grease burns; I'm calling it a success. The sunset colors are amazing - right over the nearby mountain range, which still has some snow on the top. It was really nice seeing another good sunset. Now if only we could get a cloudless night to see some fucking stars. (holy crap, I just realized that there wasn't a SINGLE NIGHT on the entire trip where we could stargaze. That blows).

We played/learned how to play Euchre. It was a lot like Spades; except that Nadkarni and I won. Thus ends Scott's reign of terror with card games.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/16/11 Yellowstone National Park

I got up alone to see sunrise this morning. Apparently normal human beings need a decent amount of this thing called "sleep." Weird. I'll sleep when I get back to Boston. Instead, I walked down to the lake (carefully avoiding the mounds of buffalo shit seemingly placed methodically enough to force me into a maze-esque adventure), and although it was overcast, there was an opening in the clouds just above the mountains to see the Sun and amazing colors. It was really pretty seeing the lake, mountains, and orange just above the mountains. I made the right choice - sleep can wait.
When I got back to the tent, everyone was content to continue sleeping, so I drove to the spot where the Grizzly lives. I saw the mother again, a bit closer this time, but still a ways off. I also saw a white and gray wolf. BOOM! Cross another animal off the list. He was pretty damn swift: just trotting, but he was going really fast. Also: definitely a lot bigger than a dog. I'd say the morning has started out pretty great.
Some of the hikes we intended to do today were closed due to too much snow or bear activity in the area. So we sent some postcards and then dropped Nads off at the lodge while the rest of us went on a hike in which the trail was actually open: Elephant Back. This proved to be highly ridiculous, because it was 100% snow and mud; at some points the snow was as deep as our knees. (THAT IS TOO MUCH SNOW FYI). Still fun, but definitely more arduous. We kept having to take layers and winter hots off and on as we worked up a sweat and then got blasted by a frigid wind. It took us a while, but we finally made it to the top (a fair amount of trailblazing was involved).

It was at least 5 miles of THIS

The view of the lake was great; we could even see the backed up cars at another area where another Grizzly was spotted. Counting the previous bear's two cubs, this brings the Grizzly count up to 6. How fucking awesome is that? THE ANSWER IS "EXTREMELY." (ps. there is speculation among the group as to whether this bear was the same as the other one at it's "usual" location. I contend that it was NOT the same bear, because we saw bears at both locations within 10 minutes of each other, and as far as I know, Grizzlies don't have the power of apparition, so I'm going with different bears.).

This bear is not in a mauling mood right now, so I got up fairly close

We then finished the hike: sliding down mounds of snow, trailblazing and sledding past switchbacks. We finally made it back to the car with about 5 lbs of snow/water in our boots. Seriously, I wrung out my socks after: it was probably 5+ gallons of water. That is a believable amount, right?
Then we picked Nads up, went back to the campsite, and built a fire to cook our lunch of hot dogs, grilled cheese, and smores. I'm not a huge fan of smores. I don't know why; on paper they seem pretty awesome. I think it might be because I'm partially OCD and hate dirt or grime on my hands, so it might be that I hate how they are the stickiest snack in the world. Weird. Anyway, we're probably going to go seek out showers and a place to wash our clothes (Colleen might literally run away if we don't wash the stink out of our clothes by the time we meet her).
And now I'm bored waiting for laundry to get done. The showers are closed for cleaning, but I am LEAPING in once we throw our stuff into the drier. We stopped at a little lake lookout briefly, beforehand. It was a great view, but we all went a little nuts when we learned that we had about 10 seconds of phone reception finally. I called my Dad, but lost reception midway through. I swear, once we get into better phone areas, I'm going to go NUTS. I've liked not having access to phones or internet, but it gets frustrating having to deal with 60-some emails when I finally DO have reception.
When we got back to camp, we organized the back of the car (it looked like 40 tornados had gone through - it was time to rearrange) and started another fire (apparently the smoldering ashes weren't good enough for a passing park ranger while we were gone, so they dumped a bucket of water into our fire pit. Some propane helped start the new fire though).

FACT: cooking over a fire is always a group effort

We used Scott's pie irons to make sandwich-pizzas and pies (they sound weird but are really good: little irons where you toast bread and filling). After a few Montana beers, I was feeling not as freezing as I should have: it is about 40 degrees. We've been playing an intense game of Spades in the meantime, where Nadkarni and I just won an incredible hand, so I'm going to get back to the tent to finish it.
Spades game update: it is now snowing outside. Nadkarni and I barely lost the game, but I successfully pulled off a blind nil. I'm calling it a win.
To finish this post, Scott and I made some scientific sketches of a Grizzly bear. This is so that when future generations find my journal, the Grizzly bear species will be documented:

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/15/11 Yellowstone National Park

Today started off with clear skies, so FINALLY we were able to get up and go see sunrise. We headed over to Inspiration Point on the north rim of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone (we learned our "east vs. west" lesson finally). It was a really awe inspiring sight. The colors and the canyon getting blasted with light make for a really breathtaking combo. Sunrises are great because all the n00bs don't have the energy to get up on time to go see them (a disease that I definitively do NOT suffer from), so we were the only people there. (I hate when people ruin my sunrise with their presence. THAT IS A MOMENT BETWIXT ME AND THE SUN, STEP OFF). Oh also, sunrises are just fucking beautiful.

Your argument is invalid

We then saw some more of the dawn rays hitting the canyon from Artist's Point on the south rim - still fucking amazing, as per usual. (This happened after we followed a lone bison cross the bridge from the north to the south rim. MY GOD THEY HAVE BIG FUCKING HEADS). I managed to stand out on some precarious ledges (standard), so that was fun. Not having a fear of heights is pretty great.

Even the slightest breeze would have knocked me off this cliff

Then we went back to our tundra-esque snowy campsite, broke down the wet tent, and bid that god-forsaken place fucking adieu.
On our way to our next location, we probably saw a bunch more animals, including about a billion buffalo. It's getting hard remembering how many we see at this point because there are so many. We did see a vast number of buffalo today: crossing the road, walking around some hot springs, taking dumps near our car - the usual. We definitely saw a crapload of baby bison, including one running to it's parents. So adorbs. I walked up to a few today. Dangerously close: probably. Dangerously awesome: definitely.
We did a small hike early on in the day near the Roosevelt Tower area. It was a bit more intense than the other hikes we've done. I feel bad that Nadkarni keeps sitting out at the lodges while we hike, but she's more than willing, so I guess it's ok. We passed by a really cool lake, a petrified tree, and a group of elk. I then took a piss with a grand mountainous view, and finished our hike as the weather persisted to stay perfect.
We then drove to Bridge Bay campground: our new home for the next two nights. The check-in was INFINITELY easier this time around: competent employees, no snow on the ground, an actual fire pit and place to set up our tent. AND a great view of Yellowstone Lake. It is, however, intensely windy. When we arrived back at our site later in the day, the tent was completely blown upside-down. Tents all over the campground were blown from hell and back - it was really funny.

The wind got a little crazy

After setting up the tent at our better, but windier campsite (seriously, we had to put boulders ontop of all the stakes so they wouldn't get ripped out of the ground), we headed up to see Mud Volcano: yet another location that makes you think you should be hanging out with dinosaurs. The entire place smelled like horrible, acrid sulfur. My clothes are going to smell like pure awful: sulfur, campfire smoke, B.O., and pine trees, by the end of this trip. But there were some really cool things: a place called "Dragon's Cave" - a cave with "smoke" pouring out and the sound of dragon breathing. I know it was steam and bubbling water inside a cave, but shit, I was like 40% sure there was an actual dragon in there. There was also a really cool bubbling mud area, the Mud Volcano, and some super sulfur-y stuff (smelled like absolute ass), and a lone buffalo walking through all of it.
At some point (we did so much that I've already mixed up the order of things we did) we had a leisurely lunch at the Lake Lodge. It was good to calm things down a bit and enjoy a decent meal. Bagels and hummus, PB+J on shitty bread, and granola bars were starting to get on my friggn nerves.
We then took a short, easy hike that Nads could join in on by the lake at Storm Point. There wasn't any elevation change, but it was a really great hike regardless because we passed through several different environments. We were by the lake, so a portion of it was a windy, sandy beach area. Then a bit of prairie, into a dry forest, then finished with a super-dense wet forest. It was beautiful will trillions of tall, thin evergreens everywhere except on the trail. However, we had to balance on fallen logs to avoid the muddy, sometimes water-filled trail (Alex's nightmare - he has NO balance).
The rest of the day, until now, we kind of took it easy. We re-supplied some of our food (let's be real - just the snacks). OH SHIT! Then we saw an enormous Grizzly bear at the side of the road. It kept crouching and digging things out of the ground (potentially Pikachus?). It was epic: it was a huge fucking bear. We stayed by the side of the road, where tons of other people gathered to watch. Throughout the rest of the evening, whenever we drove by the area, there were a lot of people stopped at the side of the road - the bear hung out in the area for a while, but stayed in the trees at that point. Total bear count for the trip so far: 3 Grizzlies and 7 black bears.

Grizzly bears are terrifyingly huge. When I fight one, I'm going to need ALL the adrenaline.

After the Grizzly bear escapade we spent some quality time at our campsite until now: fixing our overblown tent, cooking some burgers and grilled vegetables over a campfire, and laying out our clothes to dry/de-smell-ify them, etc. Our plan now is to head to the east side of the lake to see the Sun set over the western side. Then we might go for a moonlit stroll around the Steamboat Point area. It is going to be a full moon tonight, so we'll have plenty of light for a short hike. Hopefully the sky won't be overcast for ONCE and we can see some stars.
Aaaand I just sllipped in a big pile of mud. Awesome. Now all my warm clothing is sopping wet and dirty. Hopefully the Sun will be up long enough to start drying everything out (in retrospect: IT WASN'T). And I got a huge gash on my hand. So that's cool. This sunset better be FUCKING AMAZING. (Alex started laughing when he saw me fall, which was right of him to do, because I'm sure it looked hilarious. He later felt bad after he saw blood dripping from my hand. HA HA! I win due to the fact that Alex has a conscience!)
Ok, it was fucking amazing, crisis averted. We first drove by the lakeside where waves of SNOW were crashing against the beach, shooting ice pellets up onto the road. It was amazing. Then we got to Steamboat Point, which had a few thermal vents and an incredible view of the western mountains.

The superman pose is unstoppable

It was a bit cloudy, but we ended up seeing some spectacular colors as the Sun set. I was pretty blown away, and that is hard to pull off.

I don't know physics well enough to explain what's happening here. Actually I do, but I'm not going to.

On the way back, we passed the Grizzly Bear's roadside "territory" again; it turns out it is a mother with TWO CUBS. We could only see them from far away, but it is clear that they are insanely cute. I plan on being cautious when in that area from now on... pissing off a mother Grizzly might not be a great idea. jk I'm going to go in there with guns blazing.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/14/11 Yellowstone National Park

The day started fairly cloudy, so I opted to continue sleeping rather than try for sunrise. We woke up and had a quick breakfast (everything we owned was still sopping wet, so we just dealt with it), and started our day of adventures at about 8am. (We pack so much into each day that at this point in the trip it is just starting to be a grind writing in the journal. I was just jotting down what happened just to have it written down so I could go to sleep sooner. WHAT A BABY.)
We drove around towards Prismatic Spring (for the life of me I can never remember that fucking name), stopping at a bunch of places along the way. A lot of geothermal sites, including a few with hot, bubbling mud. I felt like I was in some prehistoric time, and there probably should be dinosaurs walking around all over the place. It was odd that there weren't, so I learned to be happy with just the bubbling mud. Oh, it was the Artist Paintpot area. I'm good at remembering things. We then went to the Fountain Paintpot, where Nadkarni decided to throw litter into the scalding, growing bacteria that form the beautiful red colorful terraces (she accidentally dropped her trail map, but that didn't stop me from giving her shit for it). The geysers, bubbling mud pits, and fumaroles were awesome. One was called Spastic or Spazzing Geyser, I don't know the actual name, but I know that it was apt as SHIT because the geyser was spritzing out water in crazy directions.
We then made it to the Prismatic Spring area. It is a huge, intensely colored pool that Yellowstone is well known for. Seeing it on it's horizontal axis is interesting, because there is a lot of steam coming off (into us, so pictures were basically impossible), and the steam is colored the blue and orange of the actual spring.
After a quick PB+J AND buffalo jerky lunch, Alex, Scott and I started our nearby hike to Fairy Falls. We saw a lone buffalo close by right at the trail head, which I promptly threatened and warned that I was eating it's brethren in jerky form. The hike was really nice: perfect weather through a forest of young, super-green trees (that's a color, right?). The falls were great: about a 200 foot fall where I proceeded to climb up to the base and dance around in the mist. Refreshing AND dangerous - perfect combination.

I'm not sure who invented waterfalls, but you, sir, are a genius

We hiked back and up a hill to get a higher elevation view of the Prismatic Spring. Without exaggeration, it was in the top 5 most beautiful views I've ever experienced. The colors were so vivid and amazing. I had a hard time believing it wasn't a photoshopped poster someone had put in front of me. The bright blue and orange were beyond words... so I'll stop now.

The photos look like absolute shit compared to the real thing. It was mind-blowingly amazing.

We then drove around the southern side of the park toward Yellowstone Lake. There, we stopped at some lookouts we hadn't seen before and basically rocked out to some music and a picturesque drive (but seriously, those two CDs were starting to get pretty old).
Alex, Scott and I took a short hike near the "Lake Thumb" - it was an insane view of the lake and surrounding mountains. We also trudged through snow to see a couple elks REALLY close up. About 15 feet away. They are enormous. I don't understand how these animals are not afraid of us. I mean, I could literally walk up to it, pull a gun out, and shoot it's face off. These things have some serious balls.

"Holy crap he just looked at me!"

But we left the immense valley to continue our drive back to camp, along the gorgeous lake. We saw a HUGE Grizzly bear on the other side of the Yellowstone River. It was immense. I saw it swim partway across the river to an island, hoping against hope that it would come at me and we'd be able to battle, but alas, not this time.
We just finished a foil dinner - ground beef, carrots, and potatoes in foil pouches on a fire. Pretty damn good. I'm amazed I was able to get the fire going with wet wood right next to the snow bank though.
We just got back from our excursion from the Grand Canyon, just near our campground. We saw a bit of sunset at Artist's Point on the south rim (after a fiasco of trying to see it from the north rim, but facing the wrong way). Without fog, the canyon is JUST LOVELY. We saw the sky and clouds change to purple, orange, and red colors as the full moon came up. It was a pretty great evening.
Some notes about Yellowstone in general: unlike other hikes or parks, like hiking near Boston, Yellowstone isn't a monotonous hike with interspersed "holy crap this is an amazing view" locations. Yellowstone, every single moment of it, is "fuuuuuuuuuck this is beautiful and green and amazing and gorgeous and pretty and gorgeous again! I need to look up more synonyms for gorgeous!" Everything, every moment driving, every step while hiking, is just amazing. The smell of the trees, the views, the animals, they all make me think I need to reevaluate my life because the best I have to compare is a grey, overcast drive to shitty Lynn, MA for work every morning. I WANT GRIZZLY BEARS IN MY OFFICE.
Also, we've been doing thorns and roses for each day, and Alex and I had an epiphany together when we decided our overarching "thorn" for the canyon campsite would be "fucking freezing water in the sink." Seriously. The thing I dread the most each day is washing my hands in frigid ice-water.
Due to the fact that I am terrible at remembering things, I just thought of this. Earlier, while driving, we saw a coyote just hanging out in a field. He was waiting above a Pikachu hole (small rodent called a Pika, so I just took the next step in naming it Pikachu). Maybe he got one?

This guy is SO INTENSE

Also, whenever Alex yawns, we all lose "the game." It is terrible. He just learned about The Game, and now we all have associated yawning with The Game. Shit.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/13/11 Yellowstone National Park

We slept amidst enormous snowbanks, on pavement, in 32 degree weather. HEROIC.
Scott and I got up around 5am to see the sunrise, but to no avail. The clouds thwarted our plans yet again. But we drove around all the views of the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Fog blocked most of the good views, and when I say fog, I of course mean clouds, because we are over 8000 feet up. Still great views, and we'll be back when it's nicer out.
We hung out at Inspiration Point, Artist's Point, and then saw an amazing angle of the Lower Falls - it was insane. I ran out onto some dangerous ledges to see some amazing higher-up views, as I am wont to do. It was a great way to start the day.

What is wrong with me?

Now, almost as if my life were a comedy, I'm sitting at our picnic table, COMPLETELY surrounded by snow, eating a bagel dipped in cream cheese (fuck knives) and fruit snacks, writing in this journal. We stuck some beer in the snow wall for later tonight.
And now I just climbed on top of the 4 foot wall of snow to go pee. And knock over a dead tree. It was difficult to push it over in the snow, but I managed. I'm basically a lumberjack, but my only tools are my BARE HANDS.
Some thoughts I have of Yellowstone so far: everything smells like rotten eggs. There are so many sulfur-spewing geothermal areas that the sulfur just gets everywhere. I don't think I'll be eating eggs for a while (and I HAVEN'T yet). Another thing is that there are awesome wild animals all over the place. Bison, bears, elk, marmots. They are just ALL OVER. It is really cool. Also, there is only ONE radio station. And it's fairly shitty. The radio just seeks all the way back around to the one station. They had a "rasta-hour" or something. It sucked. So we've been sticking with the 2 CDs that I brought: it's getting... tiring. Lastly, the water at our campsite's bathroom is so cold that you need to dry your hands in the middle of washing them just to prevent them from going numb.
Anyway, after breakfast we went to the Tower Falls area. We saw our first black bear, up a hill, somewhat far away. It was really cool to watch though. We checked out the falls, which were impressive, but I liked Lower Falls better. We then took off most of our warm clothes, because the weather became really nice. This included stripping down to my boxers in a crowded parking lot and not giving a SHIT.
On our way to our next destination, Mammoth Hot Springs, we drove by two black bears, one of which was super close to the road. I managed to get up really close for pictures; at one point it walked up to me, eating grass, about 15 feet away. I opted not to fight it, because it wasn't very big, so I'll wait for a Grizzly. Also, it was adorbs.

Holy crap he's LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. Please don't eat me.

At Mammoth, we saw quite a few thermal hot springs which created really colorful pools with insane bacteria that can apparently survive in temperatures that would scald my face off. They were really cool looking - we basically walked along the boardwalk directly above one-billion degree water (slight exaggeration). I was particularly fond of Canary Spring ("particularly fold of?" What am I, 70?), because it looked like what I imagine bears fighting each other would look like: pure awesome.

Hot Springs are one to two trillion degrees. Give or take.

Holy shit, I completely forgot driving to Cascade Falls! We did so freaking much today! It was another waterfall, it was cool,we saw a bald eagle: pretty standard.
Anyway, after Mammoth Hot Springs, where we saw a giant rock that looked like a dick, and a huge growing rock formation that looked like Jumbo, Scott and I went for a short hike near Mammoth. We heard there was a fresh carcass there, so we were hoping to see some more bears (because 3 isn't enough?). I literally was hiking with my drawn pocket knife. Unfortunately, no bears, but we managed to see some spectacular views, a dead elk carcass, a cool river/walking bridge, and another bald eagle. We got really close to this one; it flew directly over our heads. I tried to chase it up to the branch it was perched on, but oh wait, they can fly, so it left.
Skipping ahead, it started to rain pretty hard when we were at Norris Geyser Basin, so we had to cut that part short a bit. I swear, I had to change my hot weather/cold weather/rainy clothes more times today than I usually have to in a month. We were too discouraged to try to build a fire in the rain, so we bought some quick food at the general store near our campsite and ate in the car. We also had the beer we had stored in the snow at our site.

Scott and I are STOKED! jk we're not that stoked because it is pouring out.

I continued to drink delicious beer in the HOT SHOWER that I took. Scott and I managed to cheers our shower beers above the barrier to our showers. The shower itself was stupendous. I should start bathing less so that I get that amazing feeling more often. For only $3.25, my soul was rejuvenated and my bones were warmed. AND my growing B.O./sulfur smell was eliminated (keepin it classy). We then finished the night with a long game of hearts (I don't want to talk about the outcome) in the tent, hiding from the rain. And now I'm pooped, so I shall sleep.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/12/11 Grand Tetons/Yellowstone National Parks

Writing from Grand Tetons:
It rained all night, and it is still drizzling now, and my fingers are numb writing this, but who gives a fuck; I'm in one of the most beautiful places in the world (sweet attitude brah!). No stargazing, sunset, or sunrise due to cloud cover, but it honestly doesn't matter. I passed out right when I got in the tent last night. I barely made it into my sleeping bag.
This morning, I got up before everyone else and walked down to the lake (Jenny Lake, where we camped at). It was preposterously amazing, even with clouds covering the mountains. Shit's getting tranquil up in here. Then I saw another moose. Holy shit. I was, I kid you not, about 10 feet away from it. No exaggeration. I took some amazing pictures (including one of myself on a timer), stalked it a bit, and then went to have a bagel-y breakfast.

Am I doing it right?

Writing from Yellowstone:
After breakfast, Scott, Alex, and I went for a short hike around String Lake toward Paintbrush Canyon. It was a really pleasant hike made better by the fact that we didn't see another person the entire time. The mountains were covered by clouds, but the awesome pine trees and snow covered mountain slopes were still gorgeous. Stomping through virgin snow in the middle of June is probably one of the top things you can do in life. We got to a mini hill, where Scott suggested we trail blaze up the hillside. Alex then had the incredible idea to sled down on our asses. It was I who recommended we do it again. It was a blast, even if our asses got soaking wet. Then we ran/slid down the snowy slopes and made it back to camp pretty quickly.

Soaking wet pants are TOTALLY worth it

After breaking down the tent, we drove to the Colter Bay area for a quick, easy little hike by Jackson Lake. It was a nice way to say our goodbyes to the Grand Tetons. We then drove along the Rockefeller Parkway into Yellowstone. There was a crapload of snow and everything was beautiful. Yep, that's how I'd sum up the entire park so far. We crossed the Continental Divide (where water flow changes direction from one side of the continent to the other) like 3 times and drove the zig-zag mountainous road through a lot of the southern portion of the park. I probably had about 10 mini freakout sessions due to everything being so epic.
Our first main stop was Old Faithful, which is a geyser (no shit) that goes off every 90-130 minutes or something. Whatever, I'm not a stopwatch. Our timing was incredibly fortuitous, because it blew it's load RIGHT AS WE ARRIVED. Perfect timing. It was a really fantastic sight to behold: boiling water launched up about 130 feet. We then took a long walk around a lot of the other geysers, hot springs, and other geothermal sites. Oh wait, that's the ENTIRE PARK. Everywhere you drive there is sulfur-y, acrid, smelly steam coming off the ground, or some thermal vent or hot spring. It is unbelievable. Anyway, we saw about 20 geysers, including Beehive Geyser, which is WAY better than Old Faithful. The blast is actually taller and you can stand way closer. The nozzle is also smaller, so the water rockets out of the opening like it's on crack or something (I'm pretty sure that's not possible). It only goes off once or twice in a day, so we were super lucky to be there. Granted, my warm weather clothes got soaking wet with boiling sulfur-water (I took them off when it got warmer out, and when the geyser went off, it shifted directions and sprayed Nads, Scott, and Alex, who forgot that my shirts were right next to them in their insane panic to get away from the steam), but hopefully they will dry by tomorrow morning... (spoiler alert: they didn't.)

We also saw 6 or 7 buffalo RIGHT NEXT TO the walkway, so close that I could literally touch them if I wanted, and they didn't give a shit about ANYTHING. There were 3 tiny baby bison with them, and they were adorbs.
Scott and I ran to a lookout (literally ran) that overlooked the entire geothermal area, which was a really interesting perspective. We came down, saw a few more geysers (oh, at this point I'm apparently underwhelmed by the FANTASTIC MAJESTY THAT IS A GEOTHERMAL EVENT), saw Old Faithful go off again,and then saw the CUTEST black and brown puppy that I have ever seen in my entire life. Without superlative, that puppy was the best. So yeah - saw Old Faithful go off 3 times from different angles, saw a buffalo family, saw a shitload of geysers, saw the cutest puppy in the history of the Universe: great stop at Old Faithful Village.
We then drove to Canyon Village, where we are currently camping. We stopped at a few notable views, were amazed by the green awesome trees (LOOK AT ALL THE GWEEEEEN), and rocked out to Queen whilst driving some fun roads. But the best was having a HERD of buffalo cross the street all around our car. There were probably 60-70 bison. They stopped traffic for about 45 minutes, but it was absolutely worth it. I got great pictures and it was a quintessential Yellowstone adventure. Some of them were fucking enormous. I think my adrenaline was going nonstop (however, my adrenaline going nonstop is not an abnormal event).

We kept yelling at the buffalo from the car: "CROSS IN FRONT OF US, WE WANT TO LOOK AT YOU."

We then had to deal with some incompetent, over 60-year-old campground people at our campsite, but after an hour-long fiasco of changing our snow-covered site to a site where we could AT LEAST set up our tent on the pavement next to the road (there was also an unnecessary amount of highlighting on our site map by the campground guy who didn't know how to use a computer). (WOW. I really toned down the intense frustration here. Dealing with those people was seriously the worst. In fact, I literally just filled out a survey for customer satisfaction. I gave them the worst possible score in every category. WE COULDN'T EVEN FIND OUR FIREPIT in the 3 feet of snow that covered our campsite). It is a shitty location, but at least our tent isn't DIRECTLY on snow. There is seriously about 2-3 feet of snow everywhere; I think it might be a cold stay...

One benefit to having a wall of snow around our picnic table is that we have a place to keep the beer cold

We had noms at the Canyon Village Lodge, where I had some Wyoming beer and Bison ravioli. Pretty damn good. Now I'm lying on pavement in our tent, freezing cold, starting to smell, and super tired and dirty - it was a great day.
Some notable moments were when Nadkarns coined the term "Hagstag," a clever play on the twatter phrase hashtag. I rofl'd. Another is when we had just left our snow covered campsite for dinner. We had just finished eating and Alex goes "should we buy some more ice?" (Nadkarns needs ice for cooling her newly healing knee). I simply responded "shut up," assuming he was being a jackass talking about how COMPLETELY COVERED our campsite is with snow. He apparently had forgotten. I hadn't.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/11/11 Grand Tetons National Park

Continuing to day 2 of the roadtrip. Holy shit, I have no idea if it should be roadtrip or road trip, and I keep flip-flopping. THIS IS SLIGHTLY ANNOYING TO ME.

We started our morning by waking up at 4:30am in Salt Lake and I started driving through the incredible mountains toward Grand Teton. Our drive, about 6 hours total, was our first grand adventure. We drove in and out of Wyoming, driving along the western border of the state. We cut back into Utah and into Idaho sporadically - it was super hilarious because I was really excited and awake and screaming with intensity while everyone else was napping. It was a fun drive to say the least. We actually ended up in the MIDDLE of a cattle herding. WE WERE ACTUALLY COWBOYS! Cowboys were riding around on horses by our car as cattle swarmed around us on the highway. It was truly epic. Hysterical moments include a bunch of cows shitting/pissing right in front of our car, on calf FACE PLANTING in front of us, and me saying "I think we're helping!" to one of the cowboys (cowgirl actually). Apparently we should have driven right through with no regard for the cow/horse/herding dogs' well-being. It was a fun little adventure.

Hahaha look at how excited I am

We later had a superb breakfast at "Bubba's BBQ" (how could we not?!) - great biscuits, gravy, bacon, etc. Our last stop before the park was to go to an Avis at the Jackson airport to replace our faulty GPS. It was giving us shit all morning.

So when we finally drove into the park and passed by the entrance sign, the hill next to us abruptly ended and the Tetons suddenly came into view and they were INSANE. Seriously, every time I looked at them I was in awe, because they are among the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs. I must have looked like a crazy person. I mention it later in the journal, but this moment is among my favorite on the trip. It was just so "THIS ROAD TRIP IS GOING TO BE AWESOME STARTINGGGGGG... NOW." It was a perfect way to start the trip: me screaming from excitement from the awesome and intense view that was shoved in my face.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the extreme awesomeness of these freaking mountains.

After calming down and setting up our tent, we decided to go for a hike to the Hidden Falls and Inspiration Point (how can you pass up a place called "Inspiration Point?" It basically says "this view is going to be awesome. come look or you are an idiot."), on the other side of Lake Jenny (we were camped at Lake Jenny: right at the foot of most of the Teton mountains). Alex, Scott and I hiked around the lake while Nadkarni, still not 100% from ACL surgery, opted to take the boat shuttle over. We came across some chipmonks and marmots and eventually, after hiking through a ton of snow (IN JUNE), we came to the Hidden Falls. They were really amazing, but at this point, the immensity (hahaha I just tried using the word "immenseness" and learned that it actually isn't a word at all. Fail.) of the Grand Teton mountains might already have me overwhelmed.

Alex and Nads went back down to take the boat over, so Scott and I decided to hang back and bushwack our way to Inspiration Point (the bridges to get to it were closed. Pffftt, like that would stop us). It was fairly easy actually, so we took our standard "jumping" pictures amidst an awesome view. Yes, I managed to pull a hip flexor jumping. We then made our way back down, where we saw a MOOSE right next to the trail. I found it and warned everyone behind us on the trail to stfu as I excitedly took as many pictures as physically possible. It LOOKED at me! It was amazing. That was the highlight of my day - the first moose I've ever seen in the wild. Possibly the first moose I've ever seen. I'm not sure how I managed to extract myself from that situation without shitting my pants.

OMG MOOSE!

Making it back to the campground, I figured it was immediately time for another adventure (obviously). So I hustled everyone into the car for a lovely scenic drive. We saw some caribou (I actually think it turned out to be elk. We saw about a billion elk in Yellowstone, so it's not all that crazy) as we stopped at a few overlooks, including a stop over Lake Jenny. I walked into the water for a bit, but it was 42 degrees F, so my feet were numb for a while.

That water is so fucking cold

Regardless, we continued on to drive to the summit of Signal Mountain. It was a gorgeous, spectacular view of the Teton mountains and the nearly unending valley on our other side. We even saw some buffalo! (It was really far away, so it doesn't count in my book). Then we took a few graphic photos consisting of a lake that definitely, definitely looked like a penis, and drove back down the mountain. However! We saw a GRIZZLY BEAR on the ride back down. Just for a moment, and the pictures we took aren't great, but it was an enormous bear. It fled down the mountainside before I was able to leap out of the car to give murderous chase. My adrenaline was going like crazy. We saw more huge caribou (most likely elk), but whatever. Grizzly Bear! Holy freaking crap. It was the real deal. Fuck.

Penis Lake. If that's not it's actual name, it should be.

Anyway, we made it back to camp to put some warm clothes on (it is freezing as I write this now! I've got a winter hat, sweatshirt, and gloves on!), start a fire, and begin making dinner. We had baked beans (duh), canned vegetables, and bratwurst (yep. Two bratwurst nights in a row. Deal with it). We also enjoyed some fantastic Utah beers. That basically brings me to right now. I grabbed the food up on my frisbee/plate, looked at the mountains during a cloudy sunset (still awesome), and am about to partake in some much needed sleep.

Epic Roadtrip Journal: 6/10/11 Salt Lake City

Ok, similar for other posts, I'm going to transcribe my written journal of the epic road trip to the INTERWEBS. I'm going to break it up into pieces, because apparently we did a shitload of stuff, and if I put it all in one post everybody's head would explode and I would break the internet. Anything in italics is an added thought; everything else is the original journal. Enjoy! Or don't. I really don't care how you choose to react to these words, just as long as more than just my followers in China read this.

6/10/11 Friday - Boston

I'm sitting in the Boston airport right now, thoroughly pumped about the epic adventure I'm about to take. I'm waiting for Scott to arrive at the moment; we have window/aisle seats in the same row (turns out Scott decided to show up exactly 30 seconds before we were boarding). I REALLY hope there isn't anyone in the middle: otherwise this flight could get awkward. Oh man, I hope I sleep on this flight. Something tells me I'm not going to get that much rest on this trip. Because fuck sleeping. It's adventure time.

I'm not 100% amped though. I just got a great text from Michelle, and I'm realizing that I'm really going to miss people in Boston. I'll see them in a couple weeks though, so I'm not TOO disappointed. it's good to know that I have people that I'm this close with in my life.

Salt Lake City

After a short layover in Dallas (read: a Tex-Mex FEAST), Scott and I made it to Salt Lake. The flight was incredible, because the snow covered mountains are enormous and surround the lake and the city. I feel kind of bad that Nads and Alex won't be able to see how gorgeous it is. We plan on leaving at fuck o'clock in the morning for the Grand Tetons tomorrow, but maybe the Sun will be rising in time to see it? (in retrospect, not really a concern. While the Utah mountains were awesome, they were basically a joke compared to the mountains we saw in the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, and Olympic National Parks).

We picked up our rental car - a Ford Expedition. I'm not sure if you've ever seen/driven a Ford Expedition, but I'm not sure my license legally covers a vehicle that size. I think I need "tank" checked off or something. It is a beast. In fact, we named it "Beast." We look BALLER. We checked into our hotel, jumped on the beds (obviously), and then immediately drove over to Temple Square to see the Mormon Tabernacle.

It was fairly spectacular, but a bit awkward as we were easily the worst dressed people there (hiking boots vs. white button-ups? what?) and we weren't getting married (seriously, does every Mormon teenager in Utah get married there?). AND I guarantee everyone thought Scott and I were gay together. But everyone was super-polite and friendly and didn't care that we are heathens who don't believe their interesting religion.

Wait, am I pretending to be Amish or Mormon? I can't tell.

We definitely stood out. The first thing anyone said to us was "where are you guys coming from?" Oh you can tell I'm not from Utah? One hilarious conversation was when we told a girl that we were coming from Boston. She responded "oh, have you seen the Mormon church there? I've heard it is beautiful!" My response was just "nooooooooo..." and then we kind of shuffled away.

Then we bought 800 lbs worth of noms for the next few days at Walmart. At least we're kinda prepared now?

Lastly, we went to Squatter's Brew Pub, recommended by none other than Pete Rock. Great beers and Bratwurst. And Scott finally found his keychain! So now I'm readying for bed. Scott is going to pick Nads and X up from the airport since I am driving at some God forsaken hour tomorrow morning. Ugh.

Going out west tomorrow. BRB.

In less than 24 hours I will literally be on a flying machine hurtling in the air at 500 mph towards Salt Lake City. I am so amped right now.  In less than one week I will be fighting a Grizzly Bear.

It is fairly difficult to focus at work today because I'm super pumped and my stomach is all rumbly like it's made out of tectonic plates and dild-... vibra-... shake weights. Instead of focusing on things like turbine temperatures, like I'm supposed to, all I can concentrate on is calculating the amount of pepto bismal I should take right now so that I don't unleash semi-digested liquid fortune cookies (read: my breakfast) all over my keyboard and monitor. I'm thinking it's somewhere around a quarter of a bottle.