More Road Trips of the Past (SF to Vancouver!)

Hello there Mom and those three people from China who read my blog!

I have been extremely tardy in updating the internet of my (mis)adventures, but that is because I have been quite busy.  Some of the minor reasons being because I started a new job and I moved across the country to San Francisco, and one of the major ones being that now I own a shirt that says "Best. Dad. Ever." (Yes, I am a Dad, but no of course I'm not a father: I'm too young to have kids).  More info about that one in a future post.  Anyway, I thought I'd regale you all with the multi-part saga of how I traveled to San Francisco for a wedding and then stayed for a few weeks to camp up the west coast until I hit Canada.  Enjoy some of that snarky, awkward road trip journal that you are no doubt used to by now.


Friday 6/20/14 - San Francisco
It is about that time to start another grand adventure.  To start off, I just accepted a job offer at LM in the bay area, so I'm pretty pumped to be moving to SF in a month or two.  Also, my really good friends Joe Bryan and Rebecca Busch are getting married.  TOMORROW.  And I'm the one officiating.  It's a huge honor, and I'll admit that I'm a little nervous, but it's going to be beautiful and a ton of fun.
So Michelle and I are on the plane to SF RIGHT NOW!  So pumped.  Today will be a lot of hotel logistics and rehearsal stuff, but it will definitely be a blast.

And now it's roughly midnight (reading from an actual written journal is like jumping into a literary black hole: you never know where in space-time you're going to be next!), and let me just tell you that I was previously correct - a blast was had this day.  Michelle, Jessie, Jake, and I took an Uber to our hotel downtown from the airport.  Uber will be the name of the game travel-wise in SF, so let's just get used to it now.  So we checked in and then grabbed some food at a local place, the Brick Hotel (at least I think that's the name, don't hold me to it).  Phenomenal food.  I had a corned beef sando that was just killing it, and garlic fries that were offensive to anyone within a ten mile radius of my breath.  So good.  I then had to leave (Uber) to meet up with Joe, Rebecca, and family at the flower observatory in Golden Gate Park for the wedding rehearsal.  It was an AMAZING day out, and the flower garden area was pretty easy on the eyes.

I just got here, can you tone it down San Francisco?

After a few dry runs, we seemed to have a decent idea of how this wedding thing was going down.  A lot of moving parts, but we got a good handle of it.  It seems like it will be a breeze (the wedding is kite themed, get ready for the puns everybody).
After that, I Uber'd over to Fisherman's Wharf (a somewhat touristy but still cool area in the northeast part of the city) to check out the sea lions on Pier 39 and have a beer with Michelle, Paul, and Sam.

I usually associate Alcatraz with the deafening sound of sea lions barking

We then walked back to our respective hotels since it was so nice out (so nice that we started working on our base-burns) and wanted to see part of the city.  I then had a fun adventure with the iron at our hotel in an attempt to salvage our airplane-wrinkled clothes, and then we headed over to Joe and Rebecca's place for a fun reunion dinner.
It was so much freaking fun holy crap.  First off, their place is unbelievable.  So nice and with amazing views (which only get better as the Sun set), and the Indian food dinner was delicious.

Just the view from their deck, NBD

And we got to meet new people and a reunion of people that we hadn't seen in a while.  A lot of Tufts and Winchester people; it was amazing (turns out I even re-met my future roommate, Burdick).  We spent the night just hanging out and enjoying the views before heading back to the hotel.  I can't wait until tomorrow.

Caturday 6/21/14 - San Francisco
So today (or rather yesterday since I'm cheating and writing this on Sunday - don't tell anyone!) was the big wedding day.  I awoke to find Kyle and Amanda sleeping next to us - YAY!  They came when I was passed out in deep slumber the previous night.  We started the day off with a walk to Chinatown - explored a bit, walked up the insane hills, bought some fortune cookies at the little alley shop where they were invented.  Then we met up with a bunch of people at a really cool brunch place in Castro - the bartender was wearing only underwear.  Classic Castro.  Good food and it was Joe's big day!  He seemed not nervous at all.  Dude's a champ.
Then a few of us hiked up to Corona Heights, which might be my favorite part of the city.  Great views and it kind of feels like you're not actually in a city.

Apparently I don't have any quote unquote NORMAL versions of this picture

Michelle and I then had to leave and go back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding; we had a trolley with the wedding party to catch.  WHICH WAS INSANE.  We drove all through San Francisco just waving and drinking champagne as Rebecca and Joe looked awesome.
We drove to a few cool spots for pictures - pinwheels everywhere, dapper as fuck, and then over the Bay Bridge to Treasure Island - the location of the wedding.

I'm so pumped to be on a trolley right now

Those sunglasses were MADE for this

LET'S GO

Paul: improving pictures since whatever year he was born

It was so perfect outside and the island provided such amazing views of the city: it was nuts.  The ceremony took place right at the "Bliss Dancer" statue, which is a gorgeous location.  As we were prepping with pictures, Michelle, Paul, Sam, and I all went and got some pizza.  The correct decision.

Majestic as fuck

Joe has been happier, but not by much

dudejump.org (I swear to god if that is an actual website...)

Getting back to the Winery (the location of the eventual reception), I attempted to calm my officiating-related stress with an odd combination of champagne and 5-hour energy.  Not sure if it helped.  Didn't matter: before I knew it, it was go time.
I walked out listening to my pump-up playlist.  And lucky for me, everything went off without a hitch.  I remember when Joe and Rebecca came down the aisle and were staring at each other, both kind of nervous and both excited, I thought "wow, this is real."  They were both just so happy that any nervousness that I had immediately went away.  It really felt great getting to be a part of such an incredible moment.  And their vows were great, almost as good as my kite puns, which preceded them flying a huge awesome kite with their vows written on it.  So amazing.  So yeah, we survived it and I made two people become married.
The drinks, dinner, and dancing were indescribable.  The venue was beyond gorgeous and I think we danced so hard that it is going to be legitimately difficult to hike tomorrow.  Such a blast.  We had several adventures in the photo booth and donut area.  And did I mention how AGGRESSIVE the dancing was?  I did?  Ok good, because holy shit.

Dawwww

Varum tanzt der Afe

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

What a lovely bunch of Jumbos

I can't even

Needless to say, as the night rolled around to a close, we were wiped out.  But I still remembered to sign the marriage license, so that's good.  I think that wedding is going to be hard to top.  The bus ride home was sleepy, but we made it back to the hotel with as minimal complains as one could hope for.
I love this city and I love Joe and Rebecca.  I'm so happy they asked me to officiate their wedding and I'm beyond pumped to be moving here in a few months.

Sunday 6/22/14 - San Francisco
Today started achy as hell, but we managed... strugglingly, to pack up and head to the SoMa StrEat Food Truck brunch.  This place was nuts.  ALL KINDS of delicious food trucks with which to stuff our faces.  Joe and Rebecca had a school bus rented out for us (yep), and we used it as our base for nomming so many foods, hanging out with people, and eventually watching soccer.  USA almost beat Portugal, which would have been great for our World Cup chances, but we ended in the last second with a crushing tie.  It's ok though; I ate Korean tacos and Old Bay fries and pig roasted over a pit.  So good.

They are happy on the inside

Right before Portugal tied it up

"Wanna be roommates in September?" "Yeah."

But alas, now was our time to say goodbyes and pick up our rental car for the next phase of the journey: Yosemite.  Getting our groceries was actually taking a lot longer than anticipated.  Silver lining is that we dined on some delicious In'N'Out Burger.  So yeah, just driving out to Yosemite in the dark after that.  Pretty late too, we didn't arrive until after midnight.  After a really fun switch-backy drive with some INSANE stars.  Seriously the stars were so clear and incredible.  You could easily see tens of thousands, along with shooting stars, from patches between silhouetted evergreens.  It was beyond amazing.  But we were extremely tired after an eventful weekend, so it was bed time.  I was asleep before I was fully in my sleeping bag.


Ok gang, the adventure continues in the next installment of "WEST COAST ADVENTURE EXCEPT WITH A BETTER NAME!"
Rated PG 13.

Godzilla 2k14: The Movie Review No One Cares About

Woohoo!  Just saw the new Godzilla movie at an Imax theater located in a furniture store (complete with Butt-Kickah™ Seat Speaker System).  It was incredibly... entertaining.  I mean for a Godzilla movie it was... good?  For a regular movie it made me angry on several occasions.  Here's why.  (Spoiler alert probably, but who cares)

It is the year of our lord two thousand fourteen and apparently nobody understands how suspension bridges work.

Godzilla wreaking havoc all over some bridges, because fuck bridges.

So here we have Godzilla, MIGHTY LIZARD MONSTER FROM JAPAN, on a veritable rampage on the west coast of the US (as he is wont to do).  In this picture we can see him destroying the suspension cables of the Golden Gate Bridge, which will now surely collapse into the San Francisco Bay.  NOPE.  Physics doesn't work like that in Godzilla-land (which actually sounds like a pretty fun place to visit).  Evidently those cables were just for decoration because that bridge barely even budged.  In fact, cars were still driving over it and people were still firing tanks off of it instead of... you know... CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN.  This made me really angry because it was not explained to me earlier that this movie takes place in a Universe that fails to observe the force of gravity.


Yucca Mountain is not where we store radioactive waste.

I don't know when this script was written, but funding for Yucca Mountain being developed as a nuclear waste repository ended in 2011.  You know where we actually store nuclear waste?  In the basement of every nuclear power plant because we are a society of short-sighted idiots who have no clear plan of what to do with our spent nuclear fuel.  All we know is that people in Nevada will throw a tantrum if you suggest putting spent fuel in the unpopulated desert under a mountain.  "We don't wike dis.  We don't wike putting nucweaw waste in da gwound!"  Chill out, Nevada.  You are the 35th most populated state with the 7th largest area.  There are less than 25 people per square mile.  And 70% of that population lives in Las Vegas.  I think you can let us use one friggn mountain out in the desert.

So anyway yeah when they say that they are traveling to "where you store all your nuclear waste" and then cut to a sign that says "Yucca Mountain" it makes me want to rip my eyeballs out.


Gigantic Monsters eat nuclear weapons because they "feed on radiation."

Lol wut.  What does that even mean?  Does anyone have any idea?  No, ok whatever we'll go with it.  OH OK SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO EAT NUCLEAR MISSILES SURE.  I mean I'm not a nuclear engineer but I'm pretty sure that's not how radiation works.

Also there's a part where they have to remove the remote detonation device on a missile (because some of the monsters can emit an EMP that would knock out anything electronic... ok I'll buy it).  So the answer is to retrofit the missile with a mechanical detonation device.  Yeah just retrofit a nuclear remote detonation device with what appears to be a big pile of gears.  Makes sense.


That part when Ken Watanabe says "Let Them Fight."

No just kidding I loved that part.


Overall I'd say the movie was 5/10.  Entertaining but I mean I wouldn't watch it if I had something else to do that day.

Best Dispatching Job Ever

I got offered my dream job and I didn't even have to give the guy my Resume!  

Date: 3/25/14
To: Chris D.
From: Henry Martins Esq
Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello,
    
Are you interested in working as a dispatcher. All you need to do is send out mails for me and you get paid at the end of each week. Get back to me if you are interested and ready to know more.

Regards.



Date: 3/25/14
To: Henry Martins Esq
From: Chris D.
Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Henry Martins,

I'm interested in your dispatcher position; how much does it pay?  Where would I be dispatching from, and where to?  What types of "mails" will I be dispatching?  Do I need to have dispatching experience?

Warmest regards,

Chris D.

Date: 3/25/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Here is what the position entails:

You will need to send out payments to my clients which might be in form of money orders or Checks and I will provide all you need to mail them out and you get paid at the end of the week. If you are still interested please get back to me ASAP with your phone number and yahoo messenger ID because the position needs to be filled immediately.

Regards.

Date: 3/25/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hi Mr. Henry,

I don't have yahoo messenger ID, is that what you use to do the dispatching?  How can I get it, is it difficult to dispatch with this?  How often will I be dispatching payments?  Two times a week?  Three times a week?  More times?  Please let me know ASAP so I know how to dispatch!

Warmer regards,

Chris D.

Date: 3/25/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

We only communicate via yahoo messenger. Just get a yahoo email account and download yahoo messenger.

You'll be dispatching by sending out mails from the post office, you'll do this as many times as you can depending on you.

Date: 3/26/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Mr. Henry,

I will get the yahoo account for dispatching.  Is there a specific dispatching yahoo messenger?  I'm not seeing it.  Is there a specific dispatching area of yahoo mail?

Which post office will most of the dispatching happen from; any particular post office?  I should have a lot of free time that I can dedicate to dispatching, depending on me.  I expect I will be able to dispatch the maximum number of dispatches.

Warm regards,

Chris D.

Date: 3/28/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hi Mr. Henry,

I just wanted to check back in regarding the dispatching.  I now have access to yahoo messenger.  But I didn't hear anything about my questions?  I still don't really know what the pay will be.  Like I said I should be able to maximize the number of dispatches since I have a lot of time to be able to dedicate to this.

Regards,

Chris D.

Date: 3/28/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

You get paid $2 for each envelope you mail out. Get a yahoo messenger ID  and what's you phonr number.

Let's get started.

Date: 3/28/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hi Mr. Henry,

You still haven't answered my questions about the post office dispatching?  Do I have to move to a city near you to effectively dispatch?  I don't know if I can do that; I have a pet turtle and I think the stress of moving to a new city would kill him.  If I can dispatch from my town here in New Brunswick then yes, $2 per envelope seems reasonable.  

Do I have to provide the envelopes?

Reg,

Chris D.

Date: 3/28/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Yes you can dispatch from wherever you are. The usps envelopes are free, you can pick them up at the post office or order them online.

The job is easy and you can do this from home.

Let me know when you get the yahoo messenger ID, and i can guide your step through it.

Regards.

Date: 3/28/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Dr. Martins,

This sounds great, thank you for selecting me for the job of dispatcher!  I will proceed to the post office right now to obtain my first dispatching envelopes.  When signing up for yahoo messenger ID, my electricity was knocked out when my roommate was messing with the fuses (he does that from time to time, I think he might be slightly autistic).  But it happened when I was confirming my dispatching yahoo ID, so I don't know if it fully went through.  Can you step me through it to check?

R.

Chris D.

Date: 3/31/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hi Dr. Martin,

I haven't heard from you in several days regarding the dispatching.  When will you be able to answer my questions about the yahoo dispatch messenger?

R.

Chris D.

Date: 3/31/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Dispatch.

Dispatch dispatch dispatch.

Dispatchest regards,

Chris Dispatch

Date: 4/1/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Chris,

I told you i don't want time wasters. You look like one ......email me your yahoo messenger and number or you stop replying to my email. Im not in search of time wasters.

Happy new month and make the best use of your time this Month.

Date: 4/1/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Mr. Henry,

I don't want to get off on the wrong foot; I am the farthest thing from a time waster!  I promise that I will take my dispatching duties incredibly seriously.  I apologize for my lack of experience with the yahoo dispatching messenger, but I believe it was setup correctly.  Will I need to have this service running all day?  I briefly mentioned my roommate's brain problem and power outages, but if I only need to use it a few times a day then we should be fine!

My yahoo dispatching messenger is ChrisTheDispatcher919@yahoo.com.  Please let me know where to meet for the first dispatch!

Regards,

Chris D.

Date: 4/1/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Mr. Martin,

I forgot to thank you for the helpful advice in your previous email.  I would like to also wish you a happy new month and that I hope we can get our dispatching business started correctly.  Were you able to read my yahoo dispatching client?  I'm not sure if the capitalization matters.  Quick question about the dispatches - will there be a different method of sending/receiving for Canadian post offices?

Regards,

Chris D.

Date: 4/2/14

To: Chris D.

From: Henry Martins Esq

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Got your email. I've added you on yahoo messenger.

Can we talk over the phone?

What is your phone number?

Date: 4/2/14

To: Henry Martins Esq

From: Chris D.

Subject: DISPATCHER NEEDED.

Hello Dr. Henry,

Of course we can discuss the dispatches over the phone!  My number is 525-784-9002. I'm available any time to talk about the art of dispatching, except from 6am - 7am. I am busy then. 

Regards,

Chris D.

Smoothie-a-Day Challenge: Week 2

Week 2 of this glorious smoothie-a-day challenge.  SO MANY DELICIOUS SMOOTHIES.  It's seriously- I just- Why haven't I thought to do this before?

Day 8
Name: Tropical Mystery Mix (there's no mystery, it's banana, pineapple, and kiwi.  Sorry for the confusion)
Difficulty: Cutting and scooping kiwis annoys me.  If you don't have that personality trait than this is pretty easy.
Rating: 4/10 I might be allergic to kiwis or something
Ingredients:
- 1 banana (I'm noticing that this makes for a good base in most smoothies
- 1 kiwi
- 1/4 cucumber (frozen, not sure if that matters though)
- 1/2ish cup of pineapple (and juice) from a can
- 1/2 cup apple cider
- 2 ice cubes

Notes:
Good flavor, but I get that weird scratchiness from the kiwi again.  Maybe I'm allergic.  Either way kiwis and I are not on the greatest terms right now.

Day 9
Name: Strawberry-Peach (hint: it has strawberries and peaches)
Difficulty: Moderate.  Unless you know how to open cans, then you're golden.
Rating: 9/10 this thing is monstrously delicious
Ingredients:
- 4/5 frozen strawberries
- about 1/2 peach.  I used canned peach, but that's what it looks like to me
- 1/4 cucumber (frozen, not sure if that matters though)
- 1 ice cube
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1 teaspoon honey

Notes:
This tastes phenomenal.  If you don't like canned fruit then go buy a fresh peach you pretentious hipster; I've got student loans and a videogame addiction that I need to feed.

Day 10
Name: Strawberry Pineapple (no clever name here, sorry guys)
Difficulty: Sentient Infant
Rating: 8/10
Ingredients:
- 3 frozen strawberries
- 1/2ish cup of cut pineapples (again, I used canned so deal with it)
- 1/2ish cup milk
- 1/2ish cup apple cider
- 6 oz strawberry yogurt

Notes:
This guy was a pretty standard, good smoothie.  It's like if you took all of the ingredients, blended them up, and then drank what came out.

Day 11
Name: Chocolate Banana Pineapple
Difficulty: If you have hands and taste buds, this should be just fine!
Rating: 7/10
Ingredients:
- 1 banana
- 1/2 cup cut pineapples (with some juice from can)
- 1/2 cup milk
- like 2 or 3 tbs vanilla yogurt
- 1 or 2 teaspoons of chocolate syrup
- 1 or 2 ice cubes

Notes:
Chocolate covered bananas are pretty decent, right?  Well imagine that in liquid form, but with the fun atmosphere of a pineapple getting involved.  It's good.

Day 12
Name: Peach - Pineapple - Grape
Difficulty: Fourth Grade Spelling Test
Rating: 6/10
Ingredients:
- about half a cup of grapes
- 1/2 cup pineapple pieces
- about half a peach (from a can if you really want to emulate this flavor)
- 1/2 cup apple cider
- 1/4ish cup milk
- 1/2ish cup vanilla yogurt

Notes:
The pineapple was a bit overpowering, but hey, if you like that kind of thing then you should be all set.

Day 13
Name: Peach and Berries (I like to think this refers to Princess Peach and the "berries" are like her personal Goombas or something stupid like that)
Difficulty: So easy when you already have an open can of peaches
Rating: 9/10
Ingredients:
- about 1/3 of a peach (it's hard to estimate, get off my back)
- 1/2ish cup of frozen mixed berries
- 3/4 cup milk
- 1/2ish cup of vanilla yogurt
- teaspoon of honey

Notes:
Peach was kind of drowned out by the plentiful berries but that's cool because those taste pretty rad.  Plentiful berries?  What?

Day 14
Name: Berries and Peanutbutter
Difficulty: Controlling the Fly-by-Wire Missile in Perfect Dark
Rating: 7/10
Ingredients:
- 1/2ish cup of frozen mixed berries (or mix your own if you're feeling audacious)
- 1 tablespoon of peanutbutter
- 1/2ish cup of vanilla yogurt
- 1/2ish cup of milk

Notes:
Maybe adding some more milk or some ice would help, this didn't make a lot of smoothie.  And if you know me, I require an enormous volume of smoothie to fill the void.

Catching Fire - A Sequel to a sub-mediocre movie

Remember a few years ago when I saw the Hunger Games?  Well last night I went to the opening night viewing of the fast-paced, thrilling sequel.  Catching Fire: a Hunger Games Story.  That's not the real title.  This movie is based on the second of three children's books, but it's about children killing each other (kind of like an American version of Battle Royale), so... you know... I obviously read them.  If you are completely unfamiliar with this entire series, well then I can't really help you.  Also: potential "spoilers" below but not really.

Let me just start by saying that I thought this movie was a lot better than the first one.  I was ok with exchanging currency to watch it.  With that said, there were a few things that were... "off-putting."

I walked out of the theater thinking this was a comedy, but I'm sure I remember reading the book and thinking it was supposed to be somewhat dramatic?  It must be because the serious parts had such an awkward tone: the acting was over-the-top and unbelievable, especially during these moments that were just not that important.  In the books, there's an internal thought process where Katniss is hyper-paranoid about everything and without those internal thoughts it just makes for super awkward reactions in the movie.  The acting is a lot better in this movie: certainly well above "wooden planks," or at the very least it's a very high quality wood.  But the result is that these moments are just laughable.  My favorite moment is when Katniss lazily moans "the gas is poison(!)"  I'm not convinced you give a shit, Katniss.

It also seems like "flow" is the absolute furthest thing from the director's mind when creating this movie.  It almost seems like he filmed a bunch of scenes from the book, hurled them into sequence (maybe not even the correct sequence?), and then stated "I have finished this movie."

Here's an example of what the storyboard must have been like:

- TITLE SCREEN (maybe if we have time)
- Open to a scene in the woods, Katniss is holding a bow.  She's apparently hunting.  Also she's sad cuz of Hunger Games
- Cut to her house.  It's a new house (we won't explain why for half an hour).  The president is there and he has an angry.
- Cut to Kissing scene with Peeta.
- Cut to people on a train
- Cut to now we're talking to some of the other districts because that's apparently what happens for no reason.  The Capitol is angry that people are mildly positive toward Katniss so they are executed.
- FADE through all the other districts.  This is a montage with emotions, but we won't know what those emotions are.  More people die (probably).
- Cut to everyone is back in District 12 but the Capitol is looting/burning a warehouse because of reasons.  We're going for the audience to be beyond confused as to what is happening.
- Cut to multiple people watching different TVs.  We won't explain it but this is actually a pivotal moment in the movie.  The president makes an off-hand mention that maybe some of the past tributes will be in the Hunger Games again but you can't really hear him.  All you know is that Katniss is screaming in the woods for what might be weeks.
- Cut to another train
- Cut to a horse.  Yeah why not throw in a random horse?  Oh now I know why it's because we have to introduce the guy with that super creepy smile and he's got sugar for the horse or something stupid.

"Do you want this sugar cube lol?"

- After an hour and 15 minutes, we'll finally start the Hunger Games
At this point the movie is pretty decent.

If, at any point during the first half of this movie, you have a thought other than "what the fuck is going on" then you have a special gift my friend, because the only thing my brain was capable of doing was silently screaming "WHAT" over and over.

Also there's a scene with Baboons in which Katniss easily pushes away an attacking male Baboon.  Yes, that's correct.  A 17 year old girl fights off a 300 lb alpha-male Baboon with razor sharp teeth in a scene that does not result in a Baboon ripping out a teenager's throat.  That's not how science works.

Smoothie-a-Day Challenge: Week 1

As most of you are aware, smoothies are one of the best food items ever.  If you weren't aware of that, now you are.  I usually make one after I go running or lift or whatever, mostly because they taste awesome, but also because they are "good for you?"  Mostly the taste.  I've gotten pretty decent at the ones I make, but I wanted to branch out a bit from the normal "mixed berry awesomefest" that I always make to try some new ones, throw in some new ingredients, get some veggies all up in here, etc.  END OF BACKSTORY.

Yeah, I'm going to make a different kind of smoothie every day for a month.

Day 1
Name: Strawberry-Vanilla, aka RAWberry Vanilla (super clever name)™
Difficulty: Mediocre Enthusiast
Rating: 10/10 - flavor kicks ass, deal with it
Ingredients:
- 6-7 frozen strawberries rawberries
- 1/2ish cup of milk (if you are using anything but whole milk then it's YOUR FUNERAL)
- 1/2ish cup of vanilla yogurt (get the greek stuff. it's "good for you?")
- 2 ice cubes (it's just frozen water, science is cool!)
- 1 teaspoon honey
- like half a teaspoon of vanilla extract

Notes:
It's like a strawberry punch in the face, with a smooth vanilla aftertaste that makes your tongue go like "whoa! oh ok no that was pretty nice."

Day 2
Name: Cucumber-Kale Concoction
Difficulty: Vegetable Rocket Science
Rating: 3/10 - not sweet enough
Ingredients:
- 3 kale leaves
- 1/3 of a cucumber
- 3 frozen strawberries
- 1/4ish cup of vanilla yogurt
- 1/4ish cup of milk
- 1/4ish cup of OJ
- 1 teaspoon honey (add more, it might make it a bit sweeter)
- 2 ice cubes

Notes:
Not entirely flavorful enough, or thick enough, for optimum results.  But thanks to the kale and cucumber it was super refreshing!  And probably had some vitamins or whatever.

Day 3
Name: Kiwi-Strawberry Fiesta
Difficulty: Kiwis are not easy
Rating: 7/10 - great taste, but the kiwi leaves a weird aftertaste thing
Ingredients:
- 5 frozen strawberries
- 1 banana
- 1 kiwi
- 1 tbs vanilla yogurt
- 1/4 cup of milk
- 1/4 cup of OJ

Notes:
Seriously it tasted super good, but for whatever reason the kiwi left like a scratchy residue/aftertaste and it was just weird.  Maybe it wasn't ripe yet?  Other than that this smoothie kicked ass.

Day 4
Name: Bluth Banana Stand
Difficulty: Actually pretty damn easy
Rating: 8/10
Ingredients:
- 1 banana
- 1 teaspoon peanutbutter (if you eat anything but chunky then what is wrong with you)
- 1 tablespoon chocolate sauce
- 1 cup of milk
- 1-2 ice cubes

Notes:
THIS TASTES LIKE A CHOCOLATEY PEANUTBUTTERY BANANA TREAT.  But I suppose you would assume as much given the ingredients... still thought it was really good.  Make sure not to give the recipe to GOB or Steve Holt.

Day 5
Name: Banana Berry Bonanza.  That's right.  "Bonanza."
Difficulty: Not even at all.  It's super easy.  Just make it.
Rating: 9/10 would make again
Ingredients:
- 1 banana
- 1 teaspoon honey
- 1/2ish cup of frozen mixed berries
- 1/2 cup of milk
- 3/4 cup vanilla yogurt

Notes:
This is pretty much my standard smoothie.  I dare you to dislike it.  DARE.  Actually don't, I don't need that kind of pressure.

Day 6
Name: Bananas-Ananas (see it's international because pineapple is a weird word)
Difficulty: Easy if you buy stuff in cans
Rating: 7/10
Ingredients:
- 1 banana
- 1/2 cup of pineapple pieces (and juice if it's canned)
- 3 ice cubes
- 1/2 cup apple cider

Notes:
It's honestly that simple.  And tastes like a combination of... bananas and pineapples.  This was expected.  I feel like it would have been even better if I put some alcohol in it and drank it on the beach.

Day 7
Name: Banana Bluebs
Difficulty: This little guy?  I wouldn't worry about this little guy.
Rating: 8/10
Ingredients:
- 1 banana
- 1/2ish cup frozen blueberries
- 1 cup apple cider
- 1 teaspoon honey
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Notes:
Not too shabby.  A lot like the berry/banana one.  But with only bluebs instead of a medley of berries.  I'm not going to write anymore, because this is pretty simple stuff.

Emails with a Font Specialist

This email wasn't even sent to me. It was sent to Katie. They don't even seem to notice that someone else is responding. Just goes to illustrate how these people don't care who they are scamming; they just want to steal money from anyone. This is why I thoroughly enjoy messing with them.


Oct. 18, 2013
Subject: My Letter To You
From: "Katie's Brother"
To: Katie

My letter to you

My letter to you
I'm sorry but happy to inform you about my success in getting the funds
transferred,under the co-operation of a new partner from India,though i
tried my best to involve you in the business,but God decided the whole
situation.Presently i'm in India for investment projects with my own share.
Meanwhile,i did not forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in
transferring the funds,despite that it failed us somehow.

Now contact my secretary.Her name is Mrs.Ngaidama
and E-mail address is; [email]
I have instructed her to send you the total sum of $800.000.00
(Eight Hundred Thousand US.Dollars Only)which i kept as a
compensation for all your past efforts and attempts to assist
me in this transaction.I appreciate your efforts at that time.
Get in touch with my secretary immediately.Do not forget to
let me know,when you receive it.At the moment,i am occupied
with the investment projects which i have at hand.

Finally,remember that i had left every necessary and strict
instructions to my secretary on your behalf,to receive the money.
Get in touch with Mrs.Ngaidama.She will send this amount to you,
without delay.
Regards,
Your brother


Oct. 18, 2013
Subject: Email about compensation
From: Christopher Brannigan
To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Ngaidama,

I was recently informed that you would be able to send me $800,000 (US currency) for compensation for all my past efforts. I am happy to inform you that I am capable of receiving those funds now. Please advise.

Your friend,
Christopher Brannigan

Oct. 18, 2013
Subject: Your DRAFT Payments No: 003005096834
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

                DEAR CLIENT

        Re:Your DRAFT Payments No:003005096834

   We are a Financial Intermediary Agent and
    Brokers 
   { FINANCIAL GLOBAL SERVICES} FGS

We have been directed by your client to remit a payments
of sum total USD. $800,000.00 eight hundred thousand united
states dollars ONLY which is cashable on demand.

The order is to effect this to you,on request and on due confirmation processes.We have been given specified order that no representative or agent should receive this payments on your behalf.We shall henceforth
send the payments to you once we have confirmed and once you have
also completed our terms of service and also provide us with relevant
information for our confirmation from our official records to enable us process and effect your payments before the expiration of it's cashable
date limit/duration.

1.) You are to scan and send to us your recent (2) passports sized
     photographs

2.) Your International Identification/Drivers Licence Operational

3)  Your full Contact Address-Residence and OR Office/Work.

4.) Any other specified Information/Particulars or medium where you
     will want to receive your money.

  

It is our duty to make sure that you receive your money safely and quickly as directed.This measures we have taken makes it faster safer and reliable for you to receive your money withing 3 days.Once we are in receipts of necessary pre-requisites from you as stated,we shall go ahead to effect your payments to you without any delay.

ALREADY THIS WEEK,WE ARE DISPATCHING FUNDS

TO BOLIVIA;PERU;SPAIN;ECUADOR;MEXICO;KENYA

AND THE REST.

We are following our operations proceedures to make sure that all our customer's worldwide are efficiently represented.Under these measures,
we are protected under the law and is legally held responsible and liable
for any breach of contractual agreements and or failure's incured in executing our services to our customer's worldwide.

                    SINCERELY,

         Mrs.Susan Ngaidama

    SECRETARY

Oct. 18, 2013
Subject: Email about compensation
From: Christopher Brannigan
To: Susan Ngaidama

Hi Mrs. Susan Ngaidama,

I'm traveling to Rivendell this week for work, so I'm on my blackberry right now.  Unfortunately, your email didn't load properly and came out as a series of angry-faced wingdings.  The only text I received was "SINCERELY, Mrs. Susan Ngaidama SECRETARY"

I assume the caps lock feature was a result of the same mobile error that resulted in a page of unhappy wingding symbols.  Please advise.

Your friend,

Christopher "Zap" Brannigan

Oct. 18, 2013
Subject: INFO/ Your DRAFT Payments No: 003005096834
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

[Exact same email as before]

Oct. 19, 2013
Subject: INFOS.
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

DEAR CLIENT

Re:Your DRAFT Payments No:
003005096834

CHECK YOUR EMAIL & GET BACK 

TO US QUICKLY,TO ENABLE US
PROCESS YOUR REQUEST OF
CHEQUE PAYMENTS.

SINCERELY,

Mrs.Susan Ngaidama
SECRETARY

Oct. 21, 2013
Subject: CHECK YOUR EMAIL
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

[Exact same email as before... I think this person is only communicating to me via subject line]

Oct. 21, 2013
Subject: CHECK YOUR EMAIL
From: Christopher Brannigan

To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Susan Ngaidama,

You seem to be using the same font and text size.  As I mentioned earlier, my phone cannot handle emails larger than the screen, so please change your font size so that we can communicate.  Judging by your email subject lines, it appears that this business is of a very urgent nature.  I would appreciate it if you would refrain from sending me nonsensical wingdings instead of instructions of how I can procure unparalleled wealth.

tl;dr PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH SMALLER FONT SO THAT I MAY READ IT.

Thanks for your concern,

Christopher "Zap" Brannigan

Oct. 21, 2013
Subject: INFO/ Your DRAFT Payments No: 003005096834
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

[Same exact email as before, but all in size 12 Times New Roman text]

Oct. 21, 2013
Subject: Confirmation Needed
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

Dear Client;

Message has been re-sent.

Confirm to us if you did receive it.

Sincerely,
Mrs Ngaidama

Oct. 21, 2013
Subject: Confirmation Needed
From: Christopher Brannigan

To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Ngaidama,

This is a confirmation that I have, in fact, received this email.

Thank you for the confirmation email.  Please confirm that you receive this email confirming that I have received yours.

Thanks,

Christopher "Zap" Brannigan

Oct. 23, 2013
Subject: Confirmation Needed
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

Info Confirmed.

We wait for your infos.

Mrs.Ngaidama

Oct. 23, 2013
Subject: Send Details
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

DEAR CLIENT;

We are waiting for your respective Datas
to enable us process and send your Cheque
to you.

Once we receive your datas and on due confirmation,
we will go ahead to release your Cheque to your
Receiving Contsct Address with immediate effect.

Sincerely,
Mrs.Ngaidama

Oct. 23, 2013
Subject: Send Details
From: Zap Brannigan

To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Ngaidama,

Thank you for confirming my confirmation.  I will now unleash my respective Datas:

My name is Christopher Brannigan, but most friends call me Zap.  I believe that you and I are close enough that you may also call me Zap.  I was born in an opium den in eastern Tennessee, but after obtaining my law degree from Winterfell University I moved to Long Island, New York.  Here I excel in naval piracy law, and as such, I travel quite extensively (which means I am usually unreachable by means other than blackberry... not the fruit).  I fell in love with a Brazilian haberdasher, but alas, our romance was not meant to be.  So I live alone on a house boat, contemplating life and occasionally fishing for dolphin.

If it please, you may send my cheque/check to my house boat.

Thank you,

Zap Brannigan

Oct. 26, 2013
Subject: Send Details
From: Zap Brannigan

To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Ngaidama,

I haven't heard from you and I'm awaiting your instructions.  Please inform me when you will be sending the cheque/check.  The winds will pick up soon, so I'm not sure how long I can stay in one location.

Your friend,

Zap Brannigan

Oct. 23, 2013
Subject: Requirements: Your DRAFT Payments No. 003005096834
From: Susan Ngaidama

To: Christopher Brannigan

[Same exact email as before, with the goofy fonts and everything]

Oct. 28, 2013
Subject: Requirements: Your DRAFT Payments No. 003005096834
From: Zap Brannigan

To: Susan Ngaidama

Hello Mrs. Susan Ngaidama,

How was your weekend.  I hope that it was lovely.  I'm writing to remind you that, despite your eagerness to get our business up and running, you keep sending me emails with erroneous fonts and nonsensical emails.  It appears that you are insistent upon giving me information riddled with non-standard fonts and colors.  As you are by now aware (as a result of my constant reminders to you), that this does not translate correctly when I read it.  If you have something important to tell me, please send me an email with the following formatting:

Font: Times New Roman

Text Size: 12

Color: Black

Punctuation: Normal (and let's stay away from the semicolons unless the situation actually calls for them)

I appreciate you working with me on this.  Please let me know when you will be sending my check for $800,000.  You can send it to my houseboat.

Thanks,

Zap Brannigan