Polar Bear Swim? No Thanks.

Back in scout camp (for a week every summer my troop went to scout camp getting merit badges and camping and shit. Yep, I'm pretty cool.), we had to do the "polar bear swim" every morning, and it is complete bullshit. Here's a little rundown of what that magical activity actually entails:

- Our troop leaders would come by our tents every morning at the ass-crack of dawn and wake us up with their mind-numbingly annoying "time to make the donuts" shout.

- 10 minutes later, after we've already fallen back asleep, they would come back and actually start to prod and shake us to get us up.

- When we would object to getting up at a time in which THE SUN DOESN'T EVEN START HEATING UP OUR ATMOSPHERE, they would pour some water on us and force us to get up.

- We would brood and sulk and pout as we walked down to the pool area, where we would then jump into the freezing cold swimming pool (I was actually surprised every morning to find the water was in a liquid state, because it was easily below -100 degrees Fahrenheit. They must have done something weird with the pressure...) for NO REASON AT ALL and then go back to camp so we can change for breakfast. SO MUCH FUN.

Once my friends and I got older and wiser, we came up with a new strategy. A strategy in which we could live our lives polar-bear free. When the leaders came by to wake us up, we woke up immediately (this should have tipped them off that something was amiss, but I guess their initial faulty assumption was that we actually wanted to subject ourselves to a watery torture every day at fuck o'clock in the morning). We put on our swimsuits and ran down the path to the swimming pool while they were still waking up the other kids in our troop. "We'll see you down there!" No you fucking won't.

Once we were out of sight, we ducked onto another path which was a roundabout trail to the shower area. While our troop was busy hurling themselves into semi-solidified ice-water, we spent our mornings taking nice hot showers. It was the perfect crime. Our leaders never saw us because we "got to the pool early" and there were so many other troops there that it was easy to miss us, we got to take piping hot showers every morning without worry that the warm water would be out due to over-use, and we'd show up back in camp dripping wet from our "polar bear" excursion. Bwahahahahaha

With that said, I find it hilarious that in my twenties I am now opting to do the polar bear jump. On three separate occasions I've jumped into the freezing Boston ocean in the winter for... the fun of it? I don't know why. You can tell by my expressions in the following pictures that I was less than pleased by my decision...

First polar bear at Revere - Dodgeball House residents randomly going in the middle of January for no reason

Second polar bear at Revere with Michelle, Scott, and Zak. Michelle's Cupid Splash was moved, so we decided to spend our February afternoon leaping into the ocean JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T SUCK

First one in, first one out

LOOK AT CRONIN'S FACE. PRICELESS.