Getting UNCOMFORTABLY PUMPED for this Northwest Road Trip...

An elite crew of adventurers are joining me for what will be known as "the greatest road trip ever achieved in the history of the Universe." Senator Nadkarns, X Mandeville, Scottholomew Hagerty, Colleen of the Kling Faction, and potentially Madam Surbhington the Third (more prodding is in order to nag her to accept) are joining me on my brainchild road trip that has been in the works for about a year and a half. And I'm getting way, way too pumped.

We're flying out to Salt Lake City on June 10, where we'll rent a car (kickass Ford Escape. FUCK YOU gas economy, we need leg room!). Over the course of 12 days we'll travel to the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Craters of the Moon, Portland, Mt. Saint Helens, Mt. Rainier, Olympic National Park, and flying back from Seattle. I know what you're thinking: "But Chris, that is WAY too much awesomeness for any mortal." Well, you are correct. But we are not mortals. We are fucking adventuretimes champions. The kind of champions that save you from all the zombie-raptors when you dream at night. The kind of champions that walk up to Cancer, kick him in the balls, and then send in a faulty version of his taxes so that the IRS audits the shit out of him. This is our plan:

Click on this map. If you dare.

In between boring things like sleeping, pretending to do work, and eating ALL the food, I spend most of my time getting physically pumped up for this trip. Like, I'll stomp around the apartment doing roundhouse kicks in the air and spitting ALL over the place. This one time I was making dinner, and I swear to god I punched my stir fry in the face. Or, where I'd imagine the face would be if stir fry had one.

In fact, just today, Scott and I spent the better part of ten minutes trying to come up with a name for the road trip such that the acronym would spell out something badass. We're tabling it for now, but what we have so far is TEARTITKU - The Epicest Adventuretimes Road Trip In The Known Universe. It has TEAR (that's what bears do!) and TIT (nice), so you know it has to be good.

So anyway, since this interblag was originally intended to capture the beautiful essence of America's greatest pastime - the road trip - I figured I might as well stay somewhat true to my roots and write some road trip bloggy kind of stuff. If you don't like it, then don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.