Ok, re-reading that run-on story got me to wondering what it would look like if Kyle were actually a half-bear, half-human monster. So I used my incredible MS Paint skills to construct what I believe is a near photograph quality jpeg.
ZOMG terrifying
The photograph was taken sophomore year right before we were going to go out to a "Green Party." Hence the green. I'm not entirely sure what is going on here with Nadkarni and Kyle in this particular pose, but I'm not complaining. This is actually pretty standard as far as 4th floor South Hall shenanigans go. Kyle, I really hope that you don't ever get involved with some crazy experiment where they attempt bear-DNA splicing or something, converting you to the bear-human hybrid shown. You would be adorbs, but I'm pretty sure the only way to kill you would be with more bear-human hybrids. And then we just get into the Russian Doll situation where we don't know when to stop because we've manufactured so many bear monsters to kill the previous one that there aren't many regular human beings left. WHOSE SIDE WILL YOU BE ON IN THE GREAT BEAR-HUMAN HYBRID VS REGULAR HUMAN WAR???
You may be wondering how and when I developed such amazing MS Paint skills, as you are no doubt currently cleaning the feces out of your favorite pair of pants because you violently shat yourself when you saw the impressive, awe-inspiring brilliance of that MS Paint image. I'll tell you. It was during my internship, where one week I was so bored that I literally spent over 15 hours making a detailed portrait depicting Dodgeball House residents and other friends in a fanciful re-creation of a dodgeball game.
It is pretty small, but you can tell: this was made with love...and an internship in which I had way too much free time.
Some highlights include: me pelting Jizz Jizz in the face with a dodgeball (while he listens to music in his big goofy headphones, Chad distracting the opposing team in typical Jester fashion, Kyle about to...axe somebody? Cronin with crab claws (wtf?), Matt with the front of his t-shirt tucked in (his t-shirt expresses his love for Leon, his idol and the main protagonist of Resident Evil 4), and Nate looking so intense and angry that he may have just literally murdered the rest of the other team.
A few months ago a few friends and I got a little creative, and over email correspondence, we took turns writing paragraphs of a run-on story. It gets a little ridiculous, and there are possibly a few plot holes, but you need to grow up and learn to deal with it. Literary genius doesn't come overnight. You are born with it. Like we are. If you get lost while reading this, it is because you are a foolish simpleton who may be partially illiterate. Not because we wrote nonsensical partial-stories while bored at work. To that point, you may want to disregard most of Cronin's posts. I'm sure that not even he knows what he's doing. The mere fact that he forms complete English words in somewhat structured sentences as a result of randomly pounding on a keyboard is entirely coincidental. In fact, if you notice, the post following one of Cronin's posts is almost completely an attempt to undo or fix Cronin's previous post. I hope you enjoy this epic journey brought to you by some excellent story-tellers.
Run-On Story
Authors: Chris Severino, Jordan Thomas, Kyle Thompson-Westra, Raquel Rios, Michael Cronin
Chris-
Jordan sat by the fireplace pondering the events that took place earlier that day. He took a pensive sip of whiskey from the snifter (full to the brim) he was holding. Jordan had committed murder. This was certainly not the first time, but it would be the last. Or so he thought. Jordan quickly downed the 18 oz of bourbon whiskey he was drinking. He placed his snifter back onto the side table and picked up his revolver. He loaded a single bullet into the chamber. He decided to end it all, because there was no way he could atone for his actions earlier that day. It wasn't just murder that he had committed. It was genocide. Vehicular genocide. Jordan had killed an entire race of people with his truck. This was something that he could not ever forget. He slowly brought the gun up to his mouth. But then, he heard a knock at the door.
Jordan-
Was it a knock? He was almost sure of it. He stood up from his oversized chair and put the empty whiskey bottle down on the side table. He walked over to the door and leaned his head against it, pressing his ear against the wood. Nothing. "Hmpf", he said to himself, "Must have been hearing things." As soon as he was about to turn around and walk back to his chair, two pounding knocks at the door sent waves of adrenaline through his body. Quickly, without thinking, he unlocked the deadbolt and threw the door open. Admiral Ackbar slowly looked up at him, a lone tear formed at the corner of his enormous left eye and fell down his cheek. “IT’S A TRAP!” he yelled. With a gasp, Jordan awoke in his bed, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding out of his chest. He sighed deeply. "Just a dream. Just another Admiral Ackbar dream," he said under his breath. Cocaine and heroin residue was caked all over the bed sheets, blood stains spotted the pillow and an Xbox 360 controller was shattered on the ground but somehow still blinking mindlessly. There was an aroma filling the room…an aroma he could not quite put his finger on. He couldn’t remember anything of the night before, except for the haunting Ackbar dream that was still so fresh in his mind. A feeling of danger crept into him and he knew he had to leave. And time was running out.
Raquel-
Jordan jumped out of bed and ripped off his clothes. He ran to the dresser and put on his favorite Fighting Arlens T-shirt and dark jeans. He threw his muddy sneakers and sweaty clothes onto the bed and wrapped the blood-stained sheets around them. He'd have to burn these before he hit the road. Jordan looked out the window and realized he slept through the day. The sun was setting in the distance, and snowflakes were beginning to set on his Tacoma pickup. He could see that his front bumper was slightly dented from his last kill. But as much as he tried, Jordan could not remember who his last victim was. What would my father think if he knew, he wondered. The last time Jordan saw his dad, they were watching the sun set behind the 18th hole in a Florida resort. "It's only a matter of hours before he finds out what a monster I am," he said under his breath. Jordan packed his few belongings and burned any evidence in a trash can outside. He threw his bags in the bed of the truck, and opened the car door. "Holy shit!" Jordan's heart raced. A fully naked corpse lay on the car seat, face down. Immediately, Jordan noticed the AA tattoo on the body's right butt cheek.
Chris-
"Oh no. Not again," Jordan thought to himself. He started to roll the body over, but already know whom it was. A loud thud was heard as Michael Cronin's body hit the Tacoma's passenger floorspace. The AIDS-laced throwing knife was still lodged in his gut. "WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" laughed Jordan. He violently kicked the body out of the truck, knowing full well that despite being unaware of how Cronin died, he knew that it had something to do with playing way too much video games and then complaining about having class the next day. Jordan wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there, so he slammed his foot down on the accelerator. The truck immediately stalled. "I really need to start remembering that I own a manual," he thought to himself. Once in gear, Jordan started down the highway (conveniently located right next to his house), hitting well over 100 mph within a matter of seconds. He had no idea where he was going. What was left of the moon after the Great Kangaroo Wars of 2016 was now in full view. Jordan started drifting off into a drug-induced nap. What seemed like an eternity later (but probably wasn't), he was jolted awake when his truck hit an enormous bump. "Fuck this shit," he thought. He got out to look, and was surprised to find Admiral Ackbar, wheezing, under his engine block. Miraculously, the 2.5 ton truck traveling at 120 mph did absolutely no damage to his fish-like body. He already knew that Jordan had no idea what had happen over the past 36 hours. Without saying a word, he grabbed Jordan's face and prepared the Mind-Meld that would instantaneously be remembered.
Kyle-
And so it was, that as soon as the Mind-Meld started, Jordan instantaneously was able to remember the Mind-Meld starting. Memory works like that, Sevs. More importantly, however, Jordan was able to remember the details of his ill-fated joy ride from the day before. The annual meeting of the Irish-American Society, constituted by the entire Irish-American population of 36million, was supposed to be a time of dark beer and sunscreen, but Jordan would have none of that. Getting his truck past the fence was the hard part. Spending the next twelve hours mowing down the likes of Fox's Conan O'Brien was easy, especially with the help of his AIDS-laced throwing knives. Suddenly, the Mind-Meld was over. "No Ackbar! I already knew about my vehicular genocide, although thank you for more details! Show me more!" But Ackbar only stared back with his enormous fish-eyes, wheezing and smacking his lips. Jordan stared back for several minutes before deciding that this wasn't going anywhere. Standing up, shaking his head in disappointment, he got back into his truck and pulled away from Admiral Ackbar. That's when he heard a moan from the back seat.
Jordan-
The voice in the backseat was familiar to him, though he could not put a face on it just yet. He was afraid to turn around. A smell permeated the truck now, something Jordan hadn't smelled since he last lived in Boston many years ago. More specifically, he had not smelled this particular aroma since he last lived on the Powderhouse Rotary at Warner Street. His eyes closed. He knew who was with him now. Suddenly the voice in the back asked him/yelled at him, in what he could only assume to be some horribly tortured form of english mixed with possibly a long lost arabic-based language, "___ ____ ___ george bush ____ (something something) Iraq ____(something something) money?!!!!11". It was him. It was Powderhouse Mike. Jordan needed a friend now more than ever, especially since the tragic loss of his 'friend' JizzJizz, the well known but not so well liked barely-legal porn trader from New England. Finding Jizz in the South dormitory at Tufts University the victim of some new form of autoerotic asphyxiation was one of the more emotionally devastating moments of his life. But had gotten over it because, again, Jizz was not so well liked. But now, Jordan was faced with the decision regarding Powderhouse Mike. He turned and looked towards the backseat, searching the eyes of PHM for some clues as to what was really going on in that brain of his. He looked deeper. Could he deal with PHM on this journey, knowing full well what was to come next as they make the long drive to what was left of Philadelphia? Did he really think this could end well? Besides the one night years ago when Jizz and PHM made love in that sort of fountain thing in the middle of the rotary, Jordan was unaware of a time when PHM was truly able to co-exist with another human for more than a 2 minute walk halfway down College Ave. But something seemed different in PHM's eyes. And something compelled Jordan to keep him with him. Perhaps PHM would have a role to play in this journey yet. He had to decide. The sun was setting.
Chris-
Jordan pondered his situation as he zipped up his vest. He had never remembered southern Ohio to be so cold, even though it was January 26, but after global warming had finally been proven false, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. Jordan slammed his hands into his pockets, hard. Not realizing he had anything in them, he pulled out a curiously shaped electrical device. It was in the shape of a hardened dong, but had strange markings that looked either arabic or from another world. A strange, violent world. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Jordan whispered. As PHM started rambling on about some sort of angel or war, Jordan began pressing random buttons on the strange device, which he decided to call a Boner-Machine. Suddenly, PHM's random shouting was projected in clear English through the Boner-Machine. Our hero stared in disbelief as PHM told his story. "My name is Captain Alfred Zanthorp. I was the Earth's leading general in the skirmish with the Martian Crab-People. Hopefully the effects of the memory-relaxation injection I gave you are wearing off, but I'll try to bring you up to speed. You and I had to murder the Irish-American race because of their experiments with reanimation. Their CRAZY experiments. While you were wasting away in your drug-stupor, I learned that we were too late. The hateful Irish have already released their neurotoxin, the T-Cell virus, into the atmosphere. By now, most of your loved ones have turned into zombies." Jordan, was flabbergasted. He knew this day would come, but not yet. Not yet. PHM continued: "We must continue on our way to the ruins of Philadelphia. Word has it that there is a misfit band of renegades who have been preparing for this day and are holding onto a fort there. The leaders apparently traveled to find each other from the far reaches of Philly and D.C. After a night of passionate, confusing love, they forged a fighting alliance the likes of which no zombie has yet matched." His suspicions confirmed, Jordan knew what he had to do.
Jordan-
Jordan pulled out a gun and shot PHM in the back of the head as he turned and walked back towards the car, flicking the end of his cigarette into the trail of gasoline leading towards the pickup truck...
Cronin-
No, he didn't. But he thought long about it, as he followed PHM through the ruins of the old city. He thought back to the life that he had once lived, among the proud free people of his tribe. Settlers had driven his people from their land with their superior weaponry, and the desire for revenge burned deep within his soul. Before he knew it, the fires of Philadelphia loomed in the distance.
Chris-
As they drove closer to the smoldering rubble that was once Philadelphia, Jordan realized that he and PHM would have to continue on foot. The destroyed roads were covered in broken buildings and the bones of infants who were at one point patients at the local children's hospitals. The silence of the ruined city made PHM's labored breathing stand out even more. Entering a crater that had once been Independence Hall, Jordan fell to his knees, sure that the screaming and muttering of his lunatic companion would soon drive him mad. "If you don't shut up, I'm going to rape your face," ejaculated Jordan. The spit-filled scream that he assumed would be PHM's response was instead replaced by a far-off moan. Jordan was suddenly aware that PHM was nowhere to be seen. A trickle of sweat began to drench his hairy chest. With his senses heightened, Jordan was able to distinguish the sound of a skirmish nearby. He ran to look, but what he found made him want to throw up all over himself. A single zombie stooped over a limp body. PHM's blood-gargle faded to silence, and Jordan knew that he would soon be one of the undead. Unfortunately for our hero, Jordan's natural response to watching cannibalism was to violently void his bowels in the loudest possible way. The zombie, suddenly aware of Jordan's presence, began shuffling towards him. While Jordan had been a cheerleader for his high school's cross-country team, gradually picking up a few pointers on how to run while watching the athletes, he found that his legs would not move. The defecation covering his ass and legs was preventing him from escaping. Jordan was finally able to move, but immediately tripped over a massive pile of tissues. With the zombie bearing down on him and his legs all covered in feces, Jordan was sure he was doomed. Jordan entered the fetal position as the zombie made a final lunge towards its victim. Without warning, Jordan heard a gun blast, and the zombie's head was immediately vaporized into a cloud of blood spray and brain matter.
Jordan-
Jordan opened his eyes after hearing the blast and after feeling the moist zombie brain matter rain down upon him. The sun was setting in the distance and the glare made it difficult to see. He squinted into the setting sun as an object approached from the distance. As the object grew closer, Jordan knew exactly what, or rather who, it was. "Forget something?" the character growled. Suddenly the man threw something into his lap. Jordan picked up the bright orange hunters vest and smiled up at Bear, the infamous lumberjack/zombie murderer from rural Maine. Bear strung his large sniper rifle around his shoulders and reached inside his own plaid vest, pulling out a sawed-off shotgun and handing it to Jordan. "Happy NVD, asshole. You'll need this," he said. Jordan couldn't believe his eyes. He stood up and tried to brush off the zombie entrails from his clothes. He examined the shotgun in his hands, the cold steel riddled with zombie tooth marks. Bear walked past Jordan and put his right foot up on a rusty barrel, staring off into the sunset in the distance as he struck a match off the crotch of his jeans and lit an enormous pipe. "Why the fuck are you back here?" he growled, "don't you remember why you left?" "Permission to speak, Bear?" Jordan asked, as he knelt down to the ground and placed his forehead to the cement in submission. Bear looked back towards Jordan, took the pipe from his mouth, and spit on the ground in front of Jordan. "Some things will never change," he said under his breath. Just then, zombie PHM stood up from the ground, his eyes glowing red and blood covering his face. But what happened next made both Bear and Jordan shit their pants simultaneously...
Cronin-
The glowing beast spoke: "BEHOLD! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future, sent into the past to avert the end of the world! In my time, the world is ruled by a race of sentient squirrels that arose from the mutated ashes of New Vegas when the zombies started World War 8. These squirrels have subjugated mankind to the point that only breeding and embroidery is allowed. My creators were a pair of renegade scientists who (like all good scientists) have a working knowledge of engineering, biology, and theoretical physics. They sent me here to destroy the progenitor squirrel, the Allsquirrel who gave birth to the entire master race. You have two choices: you can help me in my mission, or be destroyed." Bear took a long drag from his pipe, and Jordan raised his shotgun.
Chris-
Jordan then slowly shifted his aim to Kyle. His friends fondly referred to him as "Bear" due to his genetic abnormality. While outwardly civil, Kyle had a deep, dark secret. A deep, dark, bear secret. Kyle was half bear. His mutations had become more pronounced through his mid-twenties, and at this stage in his development, he was truly a sight to behold. "Just what in the fuck do you think you're doing?" he growled. To his surprise, he uncontrollably moved towards Jordan, his massive bear-paws readying to maul the thick, purple handlebar mustache off of Jordan's face. "I...I can't move! I can't put the gun down!" Jordan stammered. At this point, Bear's snout was a foot from Jordan's face, snarling. "I can't stop either!" Instantly they both knew; PHM was controlling their minds. "He was already in a state of mental retardation before the zombification. The T-cell virus must have given him mind-control powers," Jordan announced, to no one in particular. This fact weighed heavily on Kyle's half-bear, half-human heart. He knew that both he and Jordan were about to die. His thick fur would not protect him from the shotgun blast Jordan was about to unload all over him. And Jordan would not survive the severe mauling he was about to endure. PHM, deep in concentration, didn't even see the samurai sword until it was too late. The thick steel swung down and decapitated the monster. Jordan and Bear, released from their trance, stood dumbfounded. Bear immediately took a long puff of his pipe. Out of the shadows walked an old friend. Emperor Chris Severino, with sword in hand, stood before them in all his glory. "I couldn't let you guys hog all the fun."
At this point, we all got distracted and didn't actually finish the story. The best part about this literary experiment is how the story changes so randomly from one post to another. If you'd like to add on to it with a post of your own, let me know or leave a comment or something. Let's see how insane we can get this thing.
The concept of this joke certainly isn't new, but I've recently fallen in love with it and came up with a few of my own. I was strongly urged (read: threatened against my will) to post them somewhere on the interblags so that others may rofl at them. So I have a few that I've heard before and a few that I've made up:
-If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's about some dinosaurs who throw up a bunch of people and get into cages so they can make the coolest theme park of all time.
-If you watch The Replacements backwards, it's about a really talented, cohesive football team that starts degrading into a rag-tag group of individuals who eventually quit the sport altogether.
-If you watch Aladdin backwards, it's about a prince who loses his girlfriend and favorite lamp, eventually becoming a street rat, stealing just to survive.
-If you watch The Matrix backwards, it's about a really badass guy who starts getting worse at kung fu, so he plugs himself back into the system to revert to a boring, ordinary life.
-If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a lone stranger who goes around a forest healing dying people with his magical bullet vacuum.
-If you watch the Ten Commandments backwards, it's about Moses finding a bunch of free Jewish people in the desert, leading them to Egypt, trapping them behind a wall of water, and then making them slaves.
-If you watch Momento backwards, it makes sense.
-If you watch Pulp Fiction backwards, it's basically the same.
-If you watch the Mighty Ducks backwards, it's about a really good pee-wee Hockey team who gradually gets worse, losing to mediocre and eventually even beginner level teams, until eventually their coach becomes so depressed that he gets a DUI for drunk driving.
-If you watch Gladiator backwards, it's about an amazing zombie gladiator winning all of his battles until eventually he becomes the lead general of the entire Roman army.
-If you watch Harry Potter backwards, it's about a a young wizard being placed with a non-magical family by the witness protection program because of a series of particularly traumatizing events.
-If you watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button backwards, it's about the life of an ordinary guy.
Here are a few gems from late 2005. I guess that would put it around sophomore year at Tufts. Anyway, enjoy yet another look into the inner workings of young Chris Severino's mind.
12/3/2005
I remember getting onto a big, weird bus with Matt Higger (a buddy from Tufts). A lot of people I knew were on this bus, and I ended up getting off at home. I called Jimmy to see if he wanted to hang out, but nobody answered. (ok, the beginning of this dream is fairly boring. Pretty unusual for me). I then decided to watch a movie for Japanese Culture class, which apparently I was taking next semester in my dream. I brought the movie home, but for some reason you had to watch it with a "movie spider." (WHAT?? WTF???? Who comes up with this shit?) You are supposed to release the spider when you are finished, but I just went to sleep, assuming it could get out of my house on its own.
12/14/2005
In South Hall (the dorm where I lived that year), I put on a helicopter helmet and glasses. I was going to hijack a helicopter so that I could take my friends to a party in Alaska. Not one of those statements makes any sense whatsoever.
12/19/2005
Kyle (my roomate that year) and I were living in a cabin that had three levels. We were constantly under the threat that lava might rise slowly, where each of us would have to get to the highest level. As Roy (that's right. I'm dreaming that I'm a character from Smash Bros. Melee and that I lived in one of the levels where lava rises to try to kill you. We played a LOT of Smash that year.), I would have to stay alive the longest to win. Then Ryan Stotland (a buddy from Tufts) and I discussed joining the tennis team. We both hated practicing, but we wanted to get better.
Later, I put some beef jerky down by the roadside, near a construction site. I waited until a construction worker came over and took a piece. Then, dressed up like a cop, I went over to him with Molly Frizzell (a friend from Tufts). I pretended to be a cop saying that he stole Molly's beef jerky. Then he bribed us and we left. Let me get this straight. My plan here was to bait construction workers with some delicious beef jerky so that when they took a piece, I would impersonate a police officer in order to elicit a bribe? Who can even think of plans like that? Let me also note that I love the fact that Molly is my partner in crime here, even in the dream-world.
Lastly, we were at some party and my Mom was giving me shots of alcohol mixed with Tabasco sauce and grapefruit juice. It was strange.
12/24/2005
I was working as a double agent, pretending to help some guy find a working piano in a big office building. I was actually infiltrating his base to kill him. So I guess his base is just a big office building...that I couldn't infiltrate without helping him find a piano....
In another dream I went to go streak the Campus Center. Chelsea was there for some reason, and I pretended I didn't know what was going on when she asked why I was naked. Then I ran back and got clothes on.
12/29/2005
Jimmy McCormack (my best friend from home) and I found one of our old home-movies: an unedited clip of us playing with fire in his backyard(how atypical of us). After some people saw this movie, we were assigned to go fight Godzilla. Jimmy had a light saber while I had a flame thrower. We had to go fight him alone in the trees while the rest of our group fought off Godzilla's zombie army. (GODZILLA'S ZOMBIE ARMY??? Are you shitting me? Can you even conceive anything more terrifying?)
Later, me and some other people were trying to escape some monsters from the movie Tremor. The only way to do it is to sacrifice yourself and then try to kill it after it gets you. I let one bite me and then threw it at the other one while everyone else jumped onto a roof. The Tremor monsters turned into Iced Tea glasses and shattered.
12/31/2005
There was a dodgeball class that I signed up for. I heard it was hard to pass, but since I started dodgeball at Tufts, I wasn't worried. When I arrived, everyone was just passing a ball to each other. Then everyone got out instruments and started playing. Half the grading for this class was bullshit instruments. I love how furious I got about how dodgeball class was graded. But seriously? Bullshit instruments? No. We play dodgeball in dodgeball class.
Later, Jizz Jizz (a buddy from Tufts) and I were looking for Kramer at Tufts, and went to some party where we got wet because it was on a boat. (I think I could have worded that sentence a bit better). We then saw a documentary on the B2 bomber, and how it is hard to hijack. Suddenly, I was transported to the B2 and I shot some hijacker in the chest. Then I blew up the engine so no one could steal it. We fell for a long time. Wait, I blew up the engine WHILE IT WAS FLYING??? Interesting choice. Also, I probably meant that I blew up the engines, not the engine.
Then we ended up going back to the dodgeball class really late (the whole situation with falling out of the sky in a destroyed B2 bomber apparently worked out just fine). Zombies chased us there. (Of course. Why not.) When we got there, only Pumpkin Face was chasing us. (hahahah, ok so Pumpkin Face is the nickname we gave to some girl at high school whose teeth had really big gaps between them, making her look like a Jack-o-Lantern. I also think she got knocked up when we were seniors? Not sure, but great memories.) Jizz Jizz and I each grabbed a pot and kept hitting her in the head. She got sad, so I fake apologized to her. Then I killed her (because she was a zombie).
These are fairly recent, but are funny as hell. I don't know how my brain comes up with this stuff. It's honestly a very sobering experience reading these back to myself and trying to figure out how I can create such elaborate and fucked-up scenarios.
7/21/2010
Me and two of my friends accidentally killed someone, so we cut up the body (naturally) and buried it in a really muddy area. A cop saw that we had dug up the ground and the "trash compactor," (the machine we used to cut up the body) near a pipeline, so he told us to dig it out. We were worried that he would see the body parts, but we were able to keep them hidden to avoid getting caught. Then Paul, a senior engineer at GE, had me run some performance analysis on the mud to see how long it would be swampy for. I don't think I like the fact that my dreams somehow revert to equations and engineering analysis. I think I do enough of that in real life. Keep that shit out of my dreams.
7/29/2010
I had a ridiculously long dream similar to the movie Inception, where a bunch of us entered a dream within my original dream. The idea was that Ed Barriball, Dave Hannwacker, Ryan Jacobs (three buddies from GE) and I were on an airplane about to go to sleep. The flight attendants made us switch seats so we could sleep for longer.
When we entered the dream, it lasted for a long time. It was an island where we would stay for a week. The concept was that we all had a separate room in some apartment building and everyone in the building could steal whatever they wanted from each other. Ed, Dave, Ryan and I were all there to steal something specific, and could meet up with each other occasionally to help each other out. The first day passed without incident. On the second day, some small guy came to my door to steal stuff. I tried to lock the door, but it only locked from the outside. I was so furious that he wanted my stuff that I punched him square in the nose. More people started to show up, and I couldn't hold them all back at the doorway, so they started to steal my stuff. My friends weren't there to back me up, so they took whatever they wanted. They took some items, but I vowed to get them all back and then some throughout the week.
I went to the original small guy's room, which was a mix of Chuck E. Cheese and a huge lego playground. Also, there were really nice paintings all around the walls (not really a combination I'm used to seeing at the local Chuck E. Cheese). I stole a painting while he reluctantly allowed me, knowing full well that I would kick his ass otherwise. I went to another girl's room wearing a gorilla mask and kicked the door in. She had stolen my bacon, so I stole ALL of hers. (I am SO happy I am committing revenge crimes because of stolen bacon!) I repeated this for a few more people, stealing some random stuff and fighting an enormous goldfish-alligator in the process (wait, what??). Three girls asked me out during this whole interlude. I didn't really understand why, I guess because I was really good at thievery? I just went with it.
When we were almost done the 2nd level dream, I went through a movie theater and into a waterpark/ski-lift/maze, trying to find my way out. I woke up shortly after finding the exit and getting some popcorn. The other guys were still asleep on the airplane, but I guess we didn't find the object we were supposed to steal. Then I woke up for the tier one dream. (I've never had the dream within a dream so in-depth before. It was nuts you guys!)
8/3/2010
I'm not sure why, but I was on the Enterprise from Star Trek being chased by Wesley Snipes and some other dude. The entire dream was me going through random doors, like one after another, trying to avoid getting caught. I tried to lock the doors whenever I could, but it was a really intense chase and my dream-adrenaline was going CRAZY. At one point I hid behind a wall and punched Wesley Snipes in the face as he came around the corner. I stole his clipboard. I don't know how stealing his clipboard helped me, but I like to think it gave me some kind of advantage. Like maybe the clipboard said "People to chase: Chris Severino." I bet without that clipboard he'd be all "oh shit, I don't know who to chase anymore, guess I'll go home and eat some twizzlers." You guys, I bet Wesley Snipes fucking LOVES twizzlers.
8/9/2010
This dream started off at a big party with a lot of my Tufts friends. It was really classy, like TOP HAT classy, and I remember it being awesome and then going to the mall afterward. (I guess it was SO awesome that I don't remember anything from it, but instead remember my trip to the mall?) I went to the mall so I could go to the kitchen store to use their mixers, because I wanted to make a smoothie (ok now it makes sense. Smoothies are number one on the list of priorities). I was planning on making a smoothie out of corn on the cob. (wtf is this shit??) There were 120 steps to do to turn on the mixer, so I gave up and met up with Matt Higger (a buddy from Tufts). Together we went to an abandoned town to rid it of zombies. It was similar to a videogame that he already played, so he knew where all the good weapons were. He also had a full body suit like Ironman and a huge Gatling gun on his arm. He looked like a goddamn Gundam. He killed a huge horde of zombies with the Gatling gun. In the meantime I was using a poison dart gun to fight the zombie leader. At the end of our battle he managed to escape. To prepare for his return, Matt and I tried to teach a cat to spit darts so it could kill zombie dogs. That doesn't make as much sense as I obviously thought at the time, but I do love this idea.
8/13/2010
Sorry to end on a somber and horrific tone, but this dream was really intense and really vivid. Not as vivid as a double rainbow, but still really detailed and clear. (If you don't get the double rainbow reference, go here. Then go here for more rofls). It was one of the worst nightmares I've had in a while and I was pretty terrified. Don't worry though, I survived my own psychological labyrinth and I'm probably all the better for it. Either way, get ready to deal with what a nightmare looks like in the eyes of Chris Severino.
I had a nightmare in the theme of Silent Hill, but on an abandoned aircraft carrier, complete with "The Darkness" from the movie/video game. It started as I was pulling this old, rusty boat through a city. (I have no idea how that could possibly happen, so don't ask me. It just did, ok?) I had to angle it to fit between buildings so I could get it to an open field. I have no idea how I was pulling it, but it was damn heavy. Anyway, when I got to the field, a lot of people came on board; about 50 people including a bunch of friends. I went on and set my stuff down near the bottom of the carrier, a room where it wasn't as damp and rusty as the rest of the boat, but still fairly terrifying. I then went to one of the mid-decks where everyone was setting up to make sure it was going ok.
After a bit, I went down to the area where my bed and stuff were set up. I was getting lost around the carrier trying to find my way back and bumped into some guys trying to figure out where the food was kept. One younger guy said he'd help me find the room I was looking for. After going in and out of a bunch of doors and random paths, and up and down a few ladders, we eventually found where all the food was stored. I grabbed a few sweet tarts before we continued on to find the other room.
As we followed the paths, it started getting darker, rustier, and we both knew it was haunted (we just KNEW. I have that ability in this particular dream). We heard a noise, but it turned out to be a dog. He was a really good dog who stayed with us, so we decided to keep him because he could probably tell when there were ghosts coming or something. Then all the lights dimmed down and a really intense clanking sound started resounding along all the walls (I can't stress this enough. It was almost identical to "The Darkness" in Silent Hill. Simply a terrifying experience). All the bulkhead doors started closing as we frantically tried to find our way out of the bottom of the carrier. We saw a really menacing looking dog-animal at the end of the hallway apparate out of thin air. We booked it through one of the closing gates. We kept sprinting through a series of closing gates. I ran through one of the bulkheads and held the closing door for the other guy. The dog-monster was tearing down the hallway after us as the other dude made it through the door. I turned to get to the next door before it closed, but when I turned back I realized that the other guy suddenly decided to turn back and go through the first door. The bulkhead door closed behind him. All the bulkheads around me closed and locked. I was trapped in a tiny, dark room, but at least nothing could get in at this point. But then I heard a scraping sound coming closer from the door I had just come through. I knew it was Pyramid Head dragging his big friggn sword along the walls, coming for me.
Imagine being stalked by this guy. Terrifying.
Check out the 2:20 mark here to see almost exactly what I was going through. Except I didn't have a gun. As quickly as it came, the Darkness was over and all the bulkhead doors unlocked. It was during the day now, and sunlight came in through the doors (don't ask me how sunlight is reaching the bottom deck of an aircraft carrier). The guy who was with me was never seen again.
Update: I've been doing nothing for the past hour but watch videos of Silent Hill and Pyramid Head. They are so fucked up but I can't stop. I'm definitely going to have nightmares again tonight because of it.
The first time I realized this was back when I was in Talloires in 2006. There was a really cool place that our host families took us where you could go cliff jumping into Lake Annecy. I remember my host brother telling me about the 24 meter (78 ft) jump that none of the locals were insane enough to attempt. This was a challenge if I ever heard one. So after a few shorter jumps, I decided that I was finished with the jumps designed for infants. It was time to jump 78 feet: pretty much the equivalent of 8 stories. I told people that I was going to do this (the first of the Americans to do so; I didn't even witness anybody do it before me. I assumed that my host brother's tales of survived attempts were true enough I guess?). The reaction I got was either "yeah right Sevs, shut up and keep jumping off the baby hills with the rest of the normal human beings," or "you're out of your goddamn mind you lunatic." At this point I started to get the hint that my brain might be broken for even considering this....whatever.
So anyway, I hiked up to the jumping area with a few people who I was able to convince that I wouldn't chicken out. I peered over the edge, and I'm pretty sure at that point every bone in my body turned to jello and even I started to doubt my own insanity levels. However, if I backed down, it would NOT have looked good for my pristine record of doing completely crazy shit for ABSOLUTELY no reason at all. Honestly, I hadn't even seen anybody do this before, how do I know that right below the water level there's not some huge jagged rock with a bunch of French peoples' bones scattered around, or some dinosaur-monster that dines on anybody dumb enough to jump from a high precipice into some unknown depth of water? I was starting to worry that this decision would get me naturally selected. As in most situations where I'm nervous, my stomach started going crazy; it felt like there were a bunch butterflies having sex in there and that I was about to vomit up some disgusting lump of concentrated dignity. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HIGH 78 FEET REALLY IS. It's nuts you guys.
I snapped back into reality when my friend Rebecca shouted up "are you doing this, or what?" She was on a lower ledge, waiting to take a picture of me in mid-air. I immediately realized that if I backed down from this, I would tarnish my record of being the most awesome/heroic person in the history of her friends. It was here that I had to prove the true depth of craziness that I tend to represent around other people. So with shaking knees and feign of confidence, I counted to 3 and ran off the edge. I can't describe the feeling I had as I was falling for 2 or 3 seconds, because the only thing running through my mind was, "I'm definitely going to die. I really hate when I make stupid, impulsive decisions, because now I'm going to die and there's very little I can do to avoid that in mid-air. I hope my dead body doesn't form an embarrassing pose as I sink..." It felt like an eternity. However, with that much time, my brain wasn't functioning enough to remember the advice I had received earlier: land like a pencil, point your toes down, and clench your ass. Whoopsidaisy. Well, as evidenced by the fact that I'm currently writing this message on the interweb, I DID survive. But my ass hurt like a motherfucker.
After my jump, 3 other heroic/insane Americans also plummeted to their half-deaths. These brave souls, Ani, Justin, Matt, and I, formed a super-elite group for the remainder of the Talloires trip. We would constantly flash the 2-4 sign that we invented, with a nod of understanding that what we had just done would forever define our level of commitment to doing completely insane things for nothing more than a whimsical dare. If you don't believe me, I actually have a video of my jump here.
Rebecca photographed the greatest moment of my life. Thank you for being such a skilled photographer.
This brings me to the reason for this post: I went skydiving today. That's right: I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane at 14,000 ft, hit terminal velocity, and fucking landed on the ground like a god damn champion.
My friend Colleen made all the arrangements, because she was tired of people saying things like "oh yeah, that sounds really cool, count me in!" only to hear back a month later "oh you were serious? No I'm not doing that." I was not one of those people. So I drove down to New York last night, got up early this morning with Colleen, her roomate, and his brother, and we friggn went skydiving. While it lacks a certain terrifying, gut-wrenching feeling of questioning my own sanity (because I've actually heard real accounts of people surviving skydiving jumps), I decided that skydiving isn't TOO touristy, and that it would still be an epic experience. So we all strapped into a harness with some tandem instructor dude, got in a little prop-plane, and flew to 14,000 feet. A bit higher than 78. But anything above 40 feet doesn't really make a difference, because EVERYTHING looks like a suicidal disaster waiting to happen. I was all prepped with my instructions, some signals and whatnot, and put on my hat and goggles (which tend to make people look like a hilarious human-penis), and got ready. Up until this point I was not phased AT ALL for what was about to happen. I don't know why; I just felt safe. I didn't have that "butterflies in my stomach, fucking" sensation, and I don't even think it hit me that I was about to jump out of a moving aircraft. Colleen was the last one off the plane, so after our two comrades somehow disappeared out the door (all of a sudden they were gone, I didn't even notice), it was only me and my instructor, and her with hers. Even walking up to the open door of the plane, I wasn't nervous in the least. I have no idea why I wasn't the least bit scared, but I was a friggn stoic legend: standing at the exit of the plane garbed in my harness and penis-hat, leaning out the door with a huge goofy grin on my face. I was pumped.
The only thing running through my head was "I AM GOING TO ROCK THIS LIKE A HURRICANE." It was a fact. The plane had to make a turn, so I was standing at the door for at least thirty seconds, staring at the curvature of the Earth, the clouds, and ground almost 3 miles below. My instructor was a pretty cool guy and kept half-shoving me in and out of the doorway to give me a scare, but I ate it up with a spoon. I was loving every second of this. My adrenaline was going bananas, and I couldn't wait to jump out of that friggn plane. Before I knew it, the instructor counted to 3 and I was already out. I don't even remember jumping. We actually did a complete front-flip in the air as we jumped out, because the first thing I saw was the bottom of the plane getting smaller with each moment. We had about 40 seconds of free-fall, where my instructor let me do some pretty cool stuff. As all the other beginners were coughing up blood from fright and crapping their pants, I was still completely un-phased by the entire situation when we first met. I think he understood how eerily comfortable I was, so he made the decision that we'd do some cool tricks during the fall. I used my arms to control our rotation in free fall. I was having an awesome time, so I started making us go through some pretty mind-blowing spins. Let me just say that the feeling that you were spinning completely out of control in free fall is AWESOME. Because aside from the first 5 seconds of jumping, you reach terminal velocity and you actually aren't accelerating anymore, so it just feels like a calm, relaxing, floating feeling. Even though you are falling at 125 mph. This was a pretty cool feeling, but since there is something seriously wrong with me, I wanted to mix things up, so I had us do those crazy spins.
At 6,000 ft, the instructor would show you the altitude so you could pull the rip-cord. I saw that we had 6,300 ft, so I opted to wait a little bit. He started waving his hand frantically in front of my face as we reached 5,700 ft, so I GUESS I should pull the cord, lest he be forced to do it instead. There wasn't any crazy jolt like you see in videos, it actually felt alright. The remainder of the fall was a nice, gentle glide down. Well, except when the dude gave me the controls of the chute. I quickly learned that if I pulled really hard to the right or left, we'd spin really fast and hit some G forces. He was having a good time with it, so I was really being a maniac with those controls. Eventually, as all good things, our time had to come to an end, so we flared the chute and had a soft landing. I actually felt like a champ, because instead of all the other tandem couples who land amusingly on their asses, we landed on our feet.
I don't have any pictures of the skydiving jump, but trust me; it was an unforgettable, awesome experience. I think I retrospectively crapped my pants just THINKING about how cool it was. It was over way too soon. I will definitely be doing this again.
Most of these include zombies in some way. Big surprise.
2/25/06
Zombies had attacked, and I had to get to my Uncle's house for safety. One zombie was chasing me down a road for 20 minutes until a car came. It stopped, so I said that I was hitch-hiking and hoped that he could take me somewhere. The zombie caught up with me and got in the back seat of the car. I slammed the door and ran off as the car drove away. Sorry dude.
I made it to my Uncle's house. He had a bear, which when I saw it, I started to fight it. We wrestled, but then decided to fight the zombies together instead. Joe and Keith from South Hall were also there. The leader and second-in-command of the zombies came to the house, which was now my house. Joe went out to distract them and started having sex with the "vice-president" zombie in the back of one of my cars in the driveway. (WHAT?) Keith went out with a gun and tried to shoot her, but she bit him. Then I went out and picked up the gun to shoot her. Apparently, Ryan (one of my friends from Tufts) had replaced my gun with a water gun, so I shot nothing but water at her. I found myself in the middle of all the zombies with no weapon. I couldn't even kill Keith before he turned into a zombie. I ran into the house to find the real gun, but Ryan had taken those too. The end????? Thanks a lot, Ryan.
6/15/06
This dream started out kind of cool. We had to hike up a really steep mountain. Me and Lauren found some Gentiana clusii (wow I guess I was in Talloires during this, and I was obviously in the middle of memorizing flower names for my "Flowers of the Alps" class. Real cool, Sevs. Real cool.). Then it sort of turned into a nightmare. I had to protect Lauren from a bunch of ninja people. I had two samurai swords and I kicked ass. Then we were trapped in a creepy house, and Death was trying to kill us with gross or creepy methods. One was a pile of yellow tentacle things that grew toward us and tried to strangle us. I cauterized the tops of the tentacles so they couldn't grow anymore. Whenever we went into a dark room, Death was a shadow there waiting for us. We found my Dad, who was watching a video of all the fucked up things Death was going to do to us if he caught us. Some people's heads grew bigger and bigger until they couldn't see. Then a huge bug-thing came up behind them and devoured them. I'm kind of glad I woke up at this point.
8/26/06
My dream started with me and a bunch of others inside a prison. Zombies came and started attacking. Geoff was stuck in one of the cells, so I ran out of the prison, locking as many of the zombies in as I could. Me and Gary (another friend from home) made it outside, fighting off a couple zombies as we ran to the street. Gary grabbed a handgun near a cop car as a zombie (who was holding shotgun shells) approached us. Gary covered me as I tried to get the shotgun in the cop car. I got it out and shot the zombie in the face, but it did nothing. As it came closer, the cop said it was a gun to draw fire, not a real shotgun. I went back to the car to get the real gun and blew the zombie's head off.
In another dream, my Mom and I were in the same location as the last dream. It this dream however, you became a zombie by a bird biting you. I was protecting everyone and a penguin bit me. Then a panda ran through the scene and down a staircase as I killed the penguin. Then I woke up. Ummm...where'd the panda come from?
8/30/06
In this dream I was training a small bear. One night, a huge wolf came and battled it. That's all I remember. Standard.
11/04/06
Kyle and I were becoming Power Rangers. WHAT THE HELL? THAT IS THE ENTIRE DREAM!?!?! Awesome!
11/06/06
Zombies started overrunning Tufts. Me, Jordan, and Kyle were all getting away from them and got caught up in a big crowd. Prof. Matson was a zombie, but was chatting with Kyle. All the while I kept hitting him in the head with a hammer. We all got train tickets to New Hampshire to get away (because as we all know, catching a scheduled train is a very simple task during the zombie-apocalypse). Kyle's girlfriend was going to hide in a closet, so he decided to stay. Jordan and I ran through South Hall, but every floor had zombies on it, locked inside the dorm. We ran to Medford with a bunch of zombies chasing us. Some floor mats somehow turned into zombies too, but I beat them back with my baseball bat.
12/15/06
This dream had me and my landlord, Ed, talking to some people about the house, and for some reason they gave me a bunch of money. They gave me several "thousand dollar" bills. I hid the money in a pie. However, a lot of people wanted to eat the pie, so I ran off and hid it in my medicine cabinet.
In another dream my Dad was driving me and my sister to Boston. Along the way, he bumped into one of his friends who wanted a ride to New Hampshire, so we drove there instead. My sister and I were pissed. Then my sister told me she was a lesbian. Suddenly I was a detective, and I had to stop a guy from killing a hog with a chainsaw. But this was no ordinary hog. It was destined to kill a crocodile that comes out of a shark's mouth. Seriously. What is going on here. How does my brain formulate these scenarios? I don't even understand how I do this.
It is fairly outrageous going back and reading some of my old dreams, because I can almost immediately remember what was going on in my life to produce some aspects of these dreams. I've decided that I'm going to keep what I originally wrote unmolested (not sure why, but I just got a kick out of the fact that I used the word "unmolested." Probably a good sign for my gradually-developing maturity.). Anything that I add I'll put in italics. Think you can handle that? You better, because this train is FULL SPEED AHEAD. Oh, one more thing. These entries are going to have the literacy quality of a blind chimpanzee with Down Syndrome (is that even possible?) on account of the fact that I JUST WOKE UP when I wrote these, and was most likely still somewhat unconscious. So be gentle. Plus, when I wrote these, I was still in the mindset that what I had just dreamed makes sense, so some of these sentences will make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE because my brain was still in "dream mode." Just run with it.
10/11/05
My friends and I were badmouthing a really big spider that was behind us. (WTF DOES THIS EVEN MEAN???) It sort of looked like a red land-octopus. It shape shifted into a weird Kirby-creature that could bounce really far. We ran, but it chased me. It kept trying to bite me. Then I grabbed it off me and threw it into a plastic surgery building, where they operated on it so it couldn't shape-shift anymore. How can you even make this up?
10/12/05
Jordan (one of my good friends from Tufts) and I had several long discussions about whether or not to jump off a very high roof. We didn't do it, but came very close. When I read this, I see the two of us discussing at length the advantages and disadvantages of jumping off a roof very seriously. Makes sense.
10/14/05
In my dream, I was drunk and everyone knew it but me. I was trying to climb a parade float that I was supposed to be on, but everyone kept pushing me off. I was confused about why I couldn't lift myself back onto it.
10/15/05
I was playing dodgeball, but a lot of my team couldn't come. The other team only had four players though. We destroyed them thoroughly. I like how the most important part of this dream is not whether we won or lost, but how badly we beat the other team. Winning was assumed.
11/3/05
In my dream, I was a bunch of different Smash Bros. characters. Somehow, I was relating the entire fight to astrophysics. Obviously, my sophomore year can be summed up by my Astrophysics class and playing a lot of Smash.
11/9/05
I had a dream about calculating the r and theta forces of dodgeball. I kept thinking I was getting wrong answers. Holy crap what a shitty dream that must have been.
11/10/05
Jizz Jizz tried to finish off my last grapefruit juice. HAHAHAHA: that is the entire part of the dream! For some reason, I thought this sentence sufficiently explains exactly what was going on. You should see what it looks like, it is just a scribbled mess in between two lines on the notebook paper. I think I was still asleep when I wrote this.
In another dream, a bunch of us were trying to see all possible movies. We kept going into Philadelphia to a building with a really fast elevator. It went down 330 floors in less than 10 seconds. Lucky (my dog, who actually recently passed away) lived in it. At one point, Lauren (my girlfriend at the time) didn't think I knew about 30th Street Station, but she said it was actually 90th Street Station. It was a really nice day out, but in the morning it rained. Geoff (one of my best friends from home) didn't go with me in the morning. We stopped at Wawa and he decided not to come. There was a huge scorpion-spider walking around, and then it started to mate with another. It was horrifying. I have absolutely no idea how my past-self thought this made any sense. This is just a jumble of setting descriptions mixed in with a story about a horny monster. What the hell.
11/16/05
Kyle (my roomate that year in South Hall) and I were working on building a speaker, when I went off to go to the bathroom. I wandered into an unlocked empty room in South. I went back and told Kyle, but when we went back, it was occupied.
11/26/05
A few groups of people were either sleeping or doing homework in the building I was in. I was trying to figure out which Math assignment to do, and trying to find my assignments from previous years. I ran to Toys R Us to get away from a group of zombies. WHAT? How and when did that last part start happening?
11/28/05
In our dorms, locks were put on all the bathrooms that you had to swipe to get into. There was a masterbation calculator on it (honestly, where do I come up with this stuff?), and if they assumed you masterbated a certain amount, your GPA would go down a point and you couldn't get into the bathroom. You had an allowance of 6 for every 62 times you used the bathroom, but it was broken and said I was above the limit. So my GPA went down and I couldn't use the bathroom, which now finally had the good kind of soap. (I really hated that purell hand sanitizer stuff. Probably because it smelled exactly like vodka). Then I was in Iraq at an airport, but it wouldn't let planes fly. So I had to walk to the airport next door, where I ran into Matt Higger (one of my good friends from Tufts). This is the third time I had met him in this spot.
We also won the dodgeball tournament in Chicago. I love how I randomly throw things in at the end that have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the dream.
11/30/05
I was at Tufts and it was the first stages of a zombie attack. I was getting people ready to go to a safe place. Later, we ordered Chinese, but mine never arrived. I trained a mouse in South Hall when a new girl moved in. I just wrote three ENTIRELY different ideas in four sentences. What happened with the zombie attack? Were we ok? I guess so, because about five minutes later we were already trying to order Chines. And I was obviously PISSED that mine didn't arrive. I know my priorities here. Noting whether or not I enjoyed my chinese food is above explaining how we got out of a zombie attack. And that last sentence? What am I thinking here? "I trained a mouse in South Hall when a new girl moved in." Of course, of course. What else would I be doing to prepare for her arrival? I guess you can just make up your own reasoning for that one.
It may have already come to your attention, but I've actually returned from California and am currently back in Boston. This is old news for most people, and some of you may not even have realized that I left. I find that difficult to believe, however, because you are currently reading an interblag entitled "Goin' to California," written with the obvious intend to describe my time out west. I would actually be fairly blown away if you stumbled upon this site accidentally, completely unaware that I was gone.
Whatever. Anyway, I don't foresee any more company sponsored business trips/boondoggles, so the main theme for this blog is now outdated. However, with the encouragement of some friends, namely Nadkarni, I've decided that I'm going to try to actually update this with new posts and random crap somewhat often. At least more often than I currently do, which is roughly never. This may include stories (of the epic variety, most likely) of my wild antics and/or crazy adventures, random philosophical queries that my twisted-... er... unique... mind has concocted, and other stuff I guess. I've actually been writing down my dreams (or what I remember of them) in a journal (entitled "Dream Book") since 2004, and I might throw some of those in here. It's actually really interesting going back and reading what insane adventures I've come up with whilst asleep (actually, I sleep so deeply that it is medically defined as a coma). I've discovered that a good proportion, like 40-50% of my dreams, include either dodgeball or zombies in some way. And those 3 or 4 dreams that include both? Oh man. You can't even fathom, with 100% of your brain, what that experience is like. Perhaps reading what my dreams are like, you might get a better sense of how my brain functions the way it does.
I'm too lazy to make a new blog, so I'm just going to keep this one and throw whatever the hell I want into it. If you have a problem with this, you seriously need to get a life right now. You're on thin ice buddy.
Alright, let’s get down to brass tax; here are the journal entries for the return trip.Same as before, I will keep the untainted, original version in regular font, and anything I’m adding to that will be in italics.It’s really complicated, I know.You’ll have to deal with it.Oh yeah, and I’m going to eat a scalding, lava-hot chicken pot pie (which I guarantee I will burn the fuck out of my mouth as I eat) while I’m typing this, so…there may be typos or random aggressive comments as a result of me being in pure pain from eating something WAY too hot, and this might be something you’ll have to deal with.Prepare for that, I guess.I don’t intend for my language or comments to offend anyone, but uh… well, here we go.
12/10/09
Hollywood
I am starting up the journal again for the return trip back east.I haven’t written anything about the weekend trips, so I’ll have to add them in later on.I start out going to Hollywood with Hogan after work Thursday, Dec. 10.
So I picked up the journal again after my few months working in California.Each weekend we took a trip to some awesome place and had crazy fun-times, but like I said, I’ll have to add that in later (maybe?).As for where we lived, it was in the middle of the state, middle of no-where, cow-farm Lemoore (the horrendous combination of water with sulfur and cow shit gave the entire town a nearly unbearable stench.It stings the nostrils).After planning the return trip back to Malvern (and back to Boston after Christmas), I had to wake up to the stark reality of returning to a life of actual responsibilities and cold weather, and departed California.
I arrived in LA following Hogan after work (a short day: we said our goodbyes to the people we met at the base and left at about 10:00 am).His hotel was in Universal City, right next to Universal Park.I was staying in his hotel room because I had already used up my GE hotel stipends for the other nights of the road trip.We started off walking around the park.It was much too expensive to go in, but cool to see for a bit.
w00t - Universal Studios Hollywood
We then took a train to Hollywood.We saw the Hollywood walk of fame and the Chinese Theater.We had both been there within the past few months, so we didn’t really do anything new.We went to an Irish pub and had some food and beer.We then played a game of pool, which I accidentally won.
After getting drunk at about 6:00 pm, we took a bus down to Mar Vista to meet up with Hogan’s friend and road trip companion.Similar to the first road trip, I am driving alone, but periodically meet up with Hogan at Phoenix and El Paso.It was a very sketchy, crappy area.We eventually met up, but not before a few rounds of bowling.As usual, I was terrible.We had a Tecate (our last Californian/Mexican beer; we had grown to love this beer…kind of…during our time out west) at a Mexican bar, where we were the only people speaking English.A creepy woman started talking to us about how “guapo” we were and about her “unfortunate” body proportions.Yeah, that really happened.We went down to another bar by the beach and had a few pitchers.Then we took an EXTREMELY expensive cab ride back to the hotel.Kind of a weird, eclectic day in the LA area.
12/11/09
Phoenix
I woke up and drove to Phoenix, hitting only a little traffic in LA.The Sun was already setting when I got there, plus I lost an hour on the way (damn you Arizona, for arbitrarily deciding not to adhere to daylight savings, thus inconveniencing me slightly!), but I got to see a lot of Saguaro cacti: that really famous, tall cactus that basically represents desert life in the southwest, and only grows in Arizona and California.You need a special permit if you plan to cut any down for construction purposes.I actually got out of my car on the side of the highway to take pictures of them: they were THAT cool.Also, I passed a huge wind farm along the way.It had thousands of wind turbines, so it was pretty freaking amazing.MORE PICTURES WERE TAKEN.I admit it: I’m kind of a nerd when it comes to wind turbines.
Arriving in Phoenix, I soon realized there isn’t much to do.I walked around and saw some buildings and a park, but the Sun had already set, so I couldn't really do that much exploring.I walked by Chase Field and the US Airways Center (where the Suns are playing the Magic tonight).I am going to meet up with Hogan to try to watch the game at a bar.
OK, I’m back.We went to a little pizza place near the stadium.It had great pizza and cheap pitchers of beer.We stayed a while after closing because the owners were super nice.After that, we went to another bar where this really drunk girl kept falling all over Hogan.As she was being taken to a cab, her fairly unattractive friend (who, instead of escorting her friend home, stayed at the bar) then started hitting on Hogan.I had a good rofl at this entire situation.We went upstairs, which was an open roof where they had a DJ playing techno songs.It was actually really cool.There was some person that, for some reason, decided to wear a costume, hockey mask, and wig.It sipped its drink through a straw through the holes in the mask and danced really girly, but we had no idea if it was a guy or a girl.I actually remember being kind of weirded out by that fact, and we still have no idea what it was.
12/12/09
El Paso, TX
I left really early and drove straight to El Paso, Texas.I passed through the remainder of Arizona and a bit of New Mexico to get there.I remember feeling slightly upset about leaving the southwest, because I really found it to be a cool and interesting place.Plus, you can drive REALLY REALLY fast, and nobody gives a crap.Because there is nobody there.El Paso is a really small town right next to Juarez, Mexico.I walked around a bit, but there isn’t really that much to do or see.There are a ton of Mexicans; I only walked by two people who were speaking English.IN THE ENTIRE CITY.I had a couple burritos for lunch, and they were damn good.The menu was only in Spanish, and that is all the waitress spoke, so I’m still not entirely sure what I ate.One of them was friggn spicy though.At this point in the trip, I DO NOT YET KNOW THE DEFINITION OF SPICY.More to come.
Later on, I decided to walk over to Juarez.Mistake.There didn’t seem to be any kind of Customs process to get into Mexico, you just…sort of…walk over a bridge?I remember getting to the end of the bridge and paying 50 cents, but I really don’t know if that was necessary…or legal (I honestly didn’t know what the fuck was going on).I stood out like a sore thumb.Everyone on the streets knew I was American; it felt pretty dangerous.I only later learned the Juarez has the highest murder rate AND rate of American kidnappings in all of the Mexican border cities.Super.The homeless would ask for change from me especially, and the guys trying to swindle money always came directly to me to lead me to some “massage place.”I eventually found an open market near a really old Mission.There were thousands of people here, either going into random crappy side-street stores or eating food from the street vendors.It was an ok place, but I wanted to get out of that city immediately.I had my passport, so getting back into the US was fairly easy.Yeah, don’t go to Juarez guys.For that matter, don’t even bother going to El Paso.You aren’t missing much.
I met up with Hogan and his friend for dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Carlos and Mickey’s.It was really cool; they had a live band and enormous margaritas.I’m not kidding; it was probably a half-gallon of margarita.One was enough to get me tipsy.The food was great, although we were a little full from the margaritas.They had some amazing chips and spicy salsa (again, I have no idea what level of spiciness is in store for me later in the trip).When my chimichanga came out (and it was DELECTABLE), I was too full to eat much of it.
I had a drink back at the bar in my hotel after dinner.It was a fun place; I think I was unknowingly crashing a wedding party, but I was definitely drunk, so I didn’t give a crap.
12/13/09
Carlsbad Caverns and Guadalupe Mountains National Parks
After hitting snooze a few times (hangover related), I drove a short distance to Guadalupe Mountains and Carlsbad Mountains National Parks (they are only a 20 minute drive apart).I got lost a bit trying to find the caverns, but eventually made some random turns and stumbled upon it.Carlsbad Caverns is a huge cave system in New Mexico, on the border of Texas.It was pretty mind blowing, just FYI.The entrance to the cave is a long path down into the ground.Eventually you make your way to the bottom (well, bottom-ish) of the cavern.The depth there is 750 feet below the surface.I did the “Big Room” loop, which takes you past most of the cool cave stuff.There were stalactites, stalagmites, and all sorts of crazy cave stuff.Thanks, I AM great at describing things!
After I did the Caverns (and note that I hadn’t gone anywhere for food, I just had snacks that were in my car for every meal), I drove over to Guadalupe Mountains National Park.I hiked a few short trails, saw “Nipple Hill,” you know, the usual.Hahaha, I forgot about Nipple Hill.Oh man, it looks like a single, ripe boob growing out of the ground.That’s when the fun began.I was so proud of myself, because this was the first time I was going to set my tent up when it was still light out!This is true; every time we had gone camping during my stay in CA, or on the road trip west, I had always run out of light and set up my tent in the dark.I remember being super pumped about being on schedule for once.However, it was even windier than Joshua Tree National Park, so my tent was NOT going to get set up.If I end up writing about Joshua Tree, you guys are in for a treat.It was so windy that after attempting to set up my tent for 20 minutes, I had to give up and stay in Hogan’s shorter tent, which we managed to set up despite the wind.I tried for a friggn LONG time, but every time I got one pole set up, the rest of the tent blew down.I even had rocks inside to keep it from moving.Then I replaced the rocks with boulders.By the time I gave up, I had seven large boulders taking up a majority of the floor of the tent.Eventually I had to give in to the fact that it was not happening.I opted to sleep in the car.
Sleeping from 5:30 pm to midnight (camping in the winter sucks, because when you camp, you really can’t do shit after the Sun goes down), I woke up periodically to view some spectacular shooting stars; apparently it was one of the biggest meteor showers the south had ever seen.Some of them were insanely bright.I then drove to San Antonio (losing an hour along the way).Driving in Texas is interesting; there are different night and day speed limits (I’m pretty sure the night speed limit is a bit slower because the day speed limit is literally faster than you would have time to react to given your reduced field of vision).Some of the limits were 80 mph.They also have random speed increases (like 70 to 80 mph) for about 20 feet, and then back down.I had no idea why, and it was REALLY confusing, especially given the fact that I was pretty tired (I was driving from midnight till 8:00 am to get to San Antonio).While I was horrendously tired from an awful night’s sleep in my car, it was a cool drive.Driving 80 mph with no other cars on the highway, and about every minute I’d see another shooting star.It was something I doubt I’ll ever experience again.I have yet to decide whether or not this is a good thing.
12/14/09
San Antonio
I got to San Antonio in the morning and checked into my hotel early.I bumped into Hogan (who at this point was a day ahead of me in the road trip, so he was leaving San Antonio), but he looked hung-over and in need of a nap.Then I went out and explored the city.It was cloudy and foggy, so I didn’t feel like being too aggressive in my adventuring.I basically went around and saw everything cool that wasn’t the Riverwalk and the Alamo (I was waiting for nicer weather to see them).
After I saw some stuff, I decided to drive over to Chunky’s Burgers to try the famed Four-Horseman Burger.I had been waiting to do this since July, when I heard about it and saw the “Man vs. Food” episode that featured the burger.When I drove there, it was closed.I was devastated.Apparently it is closed on Mondays.I vowed to leave San Antonio late tomorrow so I can go there for lunch.I say this without hyperbole: this is the worst mistake of my entire life.Even six months after the fact, and with a kickass story to go with it, I continue to regret this decision.
I drove back downtown and ate at a Mexican place on the Riverwalk.It was a good meal at a really pleasant place, right next to the river canal.I then strolled around the Riverwalk for a bit and went to the Alamo.It was definitely smaller than most people think, but I was already expecting that, and it was so cool.So much history there.I probably ended up walking around every square inch of it.
It's the friggn ALAMO
I left after a bit and went back to the hotel to come up with a nighttime action plan.I also gorged myself on homemade chocolate chip cookies and pink lemonade that the hotel provided for me.
I went back to see the marketplace square.It was ok; just some souvenir shops.Then I went on a sightseeing excursion on the Riverwalk at night.It was amazing at night, completely decorated in Christmas lights.I found a Texan BBQ place and nom’d some steak, shrimp, and a margarita.I can get used to this food stipend.Honestly, I ate like a king some of the days.One of the good aspects about doing the road trip alone: the food stipend (which is probably enough for two people per day) went entirely to satiating my two-person appetite.
After a delectable meal at the steakhouse, I went to Coyote Ugly.It was surreal: it was exactly like the movie (or what I imagined the movie would be like if I had seen it.Basically it was like the episode of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” when Artemis was acting a scene in Coyote Ugly, and then licked Dennis’s face.Haha, good times).I had a few local beers and watched the bartenders dance on the bar (and slap dudes in the face for some reason?) in what I can only imagine is the closest I’ll ever be to a strip club.
12/15/09
Houston
Worst Day of my Entire Life
All in all, I’d say this day wasn’t great.In fact, FUCK this day.The only worse day I could possibly imagine would be if the Eagles lost the Superbowl, Lauren broke up with me, my family died, the zombie apocalypse struck, AND the Sun went into Supernova ALL IN THE SAME DAY.Ah, I guess there was some unfortunate phrasing there, but you get the idea: rough day.Let me explain.
The day started off fine.I woke up late (8:00 am) and had some complimentary breakfast.I waited in the hotel lobby until Chunky’s Burger opened up and went there to FINALLY try the Four-Horseman Burger, which I had waited to do for about an eternity.Give or take.This is the hottest thing in the world, having the four hottest peppers, including the Ghost Pepper, the hottest pepper known to Mankind.Little did I know that this simple food item would bring me to what I believe is the closest to death I’ve ever been.
I actually had to sign a waiver saying they were blameless if I had to be hospitalized.Not a good start.Since I was waiting basically six months to eat this damn thing, I was the first person waiting outside for them to open, so I ordered first.I went up to the hostess (or whatever she’s called.Some girl taking the orders.Shit, I don’t know), and proudly exclaimed, “I’ll have the Four-Horseman Burger, please!”Her response did not generate a positive feeling: “Are you serious?”She called back the order, to which the chef responded “are you serious?”Shit.Not good.Then I signed the waiver, and decided not to take part in the “challenge,” which requires you to not drink anything or go to the bathroom while you eat it.FUCK THAT, I want some damn milk.UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I was unaware that they actually had milk.It would have been way better.Also, I didn’t realize that the guy in “Man vs. Food” had gloves while he ate.That would have been PRETTY FUCKING HELPFUL TOO.So I took my first bite.Jesus Christ Monkeyballs it was spicy.I had never before been in so much pain.Everything was burning.The burger was COMPLETELY COATED in what looked like BBQ sauce, but I later found out it was actually FRIGGN HABANARO SAUCE – the second hottest pepper in the world.Immediately, every possible liquid started pouring out of my face.I was wiping away sweat, drool, snot, tears, hell even ear wax (not really the ear wax, just in case there are some extremely gullible people reading this).My mouth had never hurt so much in my life.I went to the bathroom to wipe off all the sweat.About five minutes later, all the skin that had pepper oils on it felt like they were receiving second degree burns for an extended period of time.Even my eyes, which I had accidentally touched while I was wiping off sweat.EVEN THE PLACE I TOUCHED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.I was in agony.I wanted nothing more than to dunk my balls into the coldest water imaginable (which I’d assume is somewhere around 32 degrees F.I KNOW IT IS DIFFERENT BASED ON PRESSURE, but give me a damn break).After I finished the burger (yes, I finished that god forsaken thing), I faced a couple glasses of milk and, disoriented from spiciness and hallucinations, went to my car to drive to Houston.I was actually hallucinating a little bit from the spiciness.For real.
It wasn’t a long drive.About an hour after I finished the burger, I finally stopped sweating and burning.I was able to feel my lips again, and my face went back from bright red to a normal color.“I’m in the clear, finally, after the worst pain in my life,” I thought to myself.Not even close.After an hour more of driving, my digestive system starts doing its thing.TO THE HOTTEST PEPPERS ON EARTH.It felt like my intestines were being torn asunder.Like my skin was trying to tear itself away from my abs.I had to pull over THREE TIMES because I couldn’t even see straight.I was alone in my car, literally screaming from pain. I downed an entire bottle of pepto bismal (no joke, I chugged the whole thing), but that wasn’t enough.At this point, I actually thought I was going to die.I even went through the 5 stages of grief.I specifically remember bargaining for my life and saying that I would never eat anything spicy again (uh, I guess I forgot about that little promise…).I got to the acceptance stage and started looking for a hospital.Before I got to one, I hit a rest area, so I stopped there.Thankfully I passed a rest area when I did.I LITERALLY kicked the stall door open, and puked for five straight minutes.I was positive that my stomach was bleeding from the POISON that I had just consumed and vomited out, but there is no way of knowing, because the entire toilet bowl was bright pink from the pepto.Finally I felt better.I’ve never been in so much pain in my entire life.It was seriously the worst.Don’t eat the Four-Horseman Burger.
After the “almost dying from eating the hottest pepper on the planet” ordeal, I arrived at my hotel in Houston and immediately began exploring.There isn’t really that much to see except some tall buildings.I saw Minute Maid Park, where the Astros play, but that’s about it.I’m going to try to go to a pub that has a microbrewery for dinner.
The next excerpt is going to be typed as best I can.Apparently I got fairly wasted, and in my blacked out condition, continued this portion of the journal entry.As such, the writing is nearly undecipherable, but I’ll do my best.Here goes:
I found some microbrew that wasn’t a microbrew at all.The owner gave me quite a few free free samples (?).He was pretty awesome, and so was his beer.We talked over four beers, and he gave me quite a few free tastes.I wish I could have indistinguishable words “gilbeinen iln it.” Yeah, not sure.It tasted so good.The tasting was incredible.I say we do it again.
Hahaha, I do not remember writing this last night.Apparently I had a great time at this bar, the Brewery Tap, and I guess the owner gave me a shit load of free beer samples.This bar was really cool, because it was one of those places where everybody knows each other and is really friendly.I chatted it up with a bunch of the regulars and had a pretty good time.
12/16/09
New Orleans
New Orleans: what an awesome city.Driving into the city I developed a headache that stayed with me for a while, which was unfortunate, but I had an amazing day (maybe I was comparing it to the previous day, which was horrendous, but no.New Orleans is awesome).My hotel, Orleans Bourbon, is a cool, but fancy looking hotel in the middle of the French Quarter on Orleans and Bourbon streets.It is right behind the St. Louis Cathedral.I started off by checking out Bourbon Street and some nearby places.I got gumbo at some little courtyard restaurant.I think the crab was bad, or maybe it was my headache, but I wasn’t really into it.
I walked around a corner, and all of a sudden I became an extra in a movie being filmed.I’m not sure what it was called, but the scene I’m in involves me walking by a street corner with some other people as a girl plays a violin and a guy plays a keyboard.Pretty cool.
I then chose poorly for where I’d have dinner: a place that wasn’t even open when I got there.Less than an ideal start.I got seafood pasta.The seafood was bad and the sauce had cheese on it.Disgusting.It is really unfortunate that both my meals weren’t great, because from the looks of everything else there, it seems like the food should be amazing.I think I just got unlucky.
After dinner, I checked out some above-ground cemeteries (since New Orleans is below sea level).Then I decided to do the whole Bourbon Street thing.Such a cool place.I started off at Pat O’Brian’s; I got a Hurricane (a really sweet drink that was invented there), saw the cool flame-fountains, and the dueling pianos.Walking by all the strip club/whore houses, I went to a Jazz/Blues bar and a few other bars with rock bands playing.It was a great night.The only problem is that Hurricanes are too damn sweet.Also, my spit is red.Also, I think I’m drunk.
It is at this point in the road trip I think I’m starting to get that lonely feeling from being alone for the trip, where it is a bit awkward eating dinner and going out by myself.It was still fun, and really interesting to talk to people, but it would be nice to be at all these places with other people too.Hogan and his friend at this point were way ahead of me, so we weren’t going to meet up anywhere else along the way.
12/17/09
Jacksonville, FL
Waking up to rain and a monstrous hangover, I quickly checked out the Super Dome, had some beignets, and started my 8.5 hour drive to Jacksonville.Not really a fan of driving for that length of time.I passed through Mississippi and Alabama and KEPT ON DRIVING.What a sucky drive.I watched (listened to) the entire South park movie and still had 6.5 hours to go.
I eventually got to my hotel after the Sun was already down.Did I mention how it sucks when daylight savings is no longer in effect?I figured I wouldn’t really see that much of Jacksonville and decided to get some dinner near my hotel.I walked over a really cool bridge and ended up at Jacksonville Market, a really fun place.
It had an enormous Christmas tree, a fountain, some good restaurants and a live band.I quickly realized that the Colts were in town playing the Jaguars that very moment from the fireworks coming from the stadium.Also, there were hundreds of Colts fans everywhere.
I got some amazing crabcakes at a seafood restaurant in Jacksonville Market.I then finished watching the game at a small bar, River City, where I had some good local beers.
Jacksonville - in case you didn't read the title of this section of the post
12/18/09
Savannah
As I wait for my clothes to dry off and hopefully for the pouring rain to let up, I’ll update my journal.I got up early, ate some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and drove up I-95 to Savannah.It was a short drive (at least in comparison to yesterday), but completely rainy.There was a huge hurricane/snow-pocalypse happening along the east coast, that just HAPPENED to be the same time and rate that I was driving up, so my weather situation for the next few days is pretty weird.I’ve accepted the fact that it will be rainy for my stay here, so it’s not that bad.While I’m sure this city is amazing in nice weather, it is still really awesome in the pouring rain.Also, it is still relatively warm, so I’ve got my shorts on.My hotel is in the historic district, so I walked down to River Street and saw all the candy shops and bars there.Also the famous(ish) boats.Then I walked past a few small courtyards, with very quintessential southern moss and historic Savannah houses all over the place.I then went to the Colonial Park Cemetary.A lot of Savannahians (is that what they are called?I have no idea, and at this point I don’t give a damn) between 1750-1850 were buried here.
At this point it started pouring.I made my way back to River Street and ate lunch at Bernie’s Oyster Bar.I walked in, completely drenched, and the hostess seated me and then immediately brought me a towel.I think she was amused by my adventurous spirit in the midst of a hurricane.Or maybe I looked really funny soaking wet.Nope, it’s probably the first one.I had some cheap oysters, crawfish, and beer.Delicious.I talked to a guy who worked there (I was the only customer at a bar at 11:30 am, go figure) from New York.We talked about the storm, football, the Giants and Eagles, and the northeast.It made me miss home a bit, but hey, I’m just a few days away.Great bar.I decided to go back to the hotel to dry off, so here I am.
After attempting to go out again, I was thwarted by the worst rain yet.Seriously, it was pouring really fucking hard.All my clothes are soaked.
Finally the rain stopped, so I went to Forsyth Park, a really cool, big park (big for Savannah).After the Sun went down, I went back to River Street for dinner.I had some more oysters and a crab cake sandwich.The oysters here aren’t the best, but they are really cheap, so I won’t complain.After dinner, I decided to call it a night to get up early.Hopefully I won’t be following the storm tomorrow.I do end up following the storm.For the rest of the drive.Hurray.
12/19/09
Nags Head and the Outer Banks, NC
Driving to the Outer Banks took a lot longer than I expected.Almost eight hours.I left fairly early though, and didn’t really hit much weather; just some rain and sleet here and there. Also, I stopped at South of the Border to buy some fireworks. Definitely a good investment.
When I got to my hotel, I found that my room is on the top floor with a balcony right on the beach facing the water.I guess that’s because I am one of only two guests staying there tonight.Yeah, that probably has something to do with it… anyway, the room is pretty awesome.The view at least.I don’t see myself sitting out in the 50 mph winds.The ocean is going NUTS.It is actually cold too.First day of the year I needed long pants.It makes me glad I packed ONE PAIR OF LONG PANTS for my entire duration on the west coast.
I stopped off for some quick lunch at the ONLY RESTAURANT THAT WAS OPEN in all of Kitty Hawk before exploring the Cape Hatteras National Seashore.The Outer Banks are like a ghost town this time of year.It is seriously the only open restaurant, so I suppose I’ll be going here for dinner as well, unfortunately.This place is completely dependent on tourists.Nothing is open, it is kind of crazy.
I drove down most of Cape Hatteras.
I saw the first lighthouse and drove halfway down Pea island (the second of three islands) when the water in the road (from the storm) was too high to drive through.Unfortunately I had to turn around before I could get to the Hatteras Lighthouse.Maybe another time.I think I saw it from the Aircraft Carrier when we left port a month ago, though, so no worries.
Now I’m just sitting in my room.There isn’t much to do here…in December…after dark…in a windy storm.I’ll probably get dinner and go to bed early.I think the drive to DC tomorrow is going to be terrible.It snowed over 24 inches there.I’m sure the traffic and the road conditions will be awful.
12/20/09
Washington DC
The drive was fairly horrendous, but all the snow was already on the ground, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.People were driving like assholes though.Apparently everyone loses their minds when it snows down south.Also, I learned that my car performs fairly well in snow.Good news.
Traffic was terrible in Virginia; at one point I was completely stopped in traffic for half an hour.It was especially rough, because I had to pee.My only option was to climb the snowy banks and go in front of the entire line of stopped cars.It must have been a funny view.
I made it to DC at a reasonable time, but there was snow EVERYWHERE (DC has no plows…) and people do NOT know how to drive in it.I saw some asshole in a SUV (thinking his car was invincible) drive full speed through a snow bank.What a prick.I parked in a garage, and went to Kyle’s apartment, in an up-and-coming, mostly Latin, neighborhood.I stayed with Kyle Thompson-Westra, my half-bear/half-lumberjack friend from Maine who I had previously lived with for four years at Tufts.Swell guy.It was great seeing him again.We just got some take-out with his roommates and chilled for the night (indulging in South Park and Always Sunny in Philadelphia, of course).
12/21/09
Malvern, PA
I drove back home to Malvern tonight, but not before seeing the ENTIRE mall area of DC.I took the DC metro to one end and saw literally everything at the mall.The Capital Building, National Air and Space Museum, Natural History Museum, Washington Monument, White House, WWII, Korean and Vietnam Memorials, Lincoln Memorial, and Jefferson Memorial.
It is pretty rare seeing Washington DC with snow all over the place
My feet were tired and freezing afterward, because there was two feet of snow everywhere and all I had were my sneakers with holes in them.Super.I may have frostbite?
I met up with Kyle, got some 5-Guys burgers for dinner, and then hit the road.It wasn’t a bad drive (I’m comparing this to the 8+ hour drives across the country and the rainy, hurricane-y conditions up the east coast).Definitely good to be home with my family.Plus, I think I’m done with Christmas shopping.
So that’s my return road trip to the east coast.I certainly miss the west coast, a lot in fact, but it is good to be with all my friends and family out here.If you get one takeaway from my road tripping experience, let it be this: DO NOT EAT THE GHOST PEPPER.You will die.The only reason I didn’t die is because I am invincible.You, on the other hand, do not have that trait.Just don’t do it.
Like so many before me, I decided it was time to create a blogosphere of my own. That's right. This interblag will hopefully detail my travels out Californy-way. This is so momentous that I might play "Goin' to California" on repeat all 3,500 miles to my apartment in Cali. I've never been to the west coast, so I wanted to record the series of adventures that will likely occur when I travel out there for work. I'm an engineer, and California is apparently in desperate need of a few sassy young upstarts to teach them a thing or two about jet engines. kthnxbai
Update: SINCE my travels to CA, I realized that I never actually updated this blog. Oh well. I'm turning it into a random "hey I'm going to put whatever I want here" kind of deal, including some dreams that I've written down over the past few years (yes, I write down my dreams. They are pretty freaky) and other random stories/thoughts. I'll keep writing stuff randomly, so read it if you want. Or don't. Whatever - your call.
It is pretty small, but you can tell: this was made with love...and an internship in which I had way too much free time.
