Most Awkward Incident at Work in the History of my Professional Career

I am still reeling from what I consider to be the most hilarious disaster to ever befall me at my place of business. Listen close as I regale you with a story of triumphs and miseries.

I went to the bathroom, as I often do after eating a lunch large enough that two normal sized human beings would find filling, and during this particular visit, I was alone. It is a small-ish sized bathroom, 5 stalls and 4 urinals, but usually gets a lot of traffic. Anyway, I'll skip the gruesome details, but the trip was a success. All waste was deposited in a toilet, no mishaps; I was in good shape. Despite the fact that it has been 23-ish years since I've mastered the toilet, I still celebrate the little victories.

So as I exit the stall and start washing my hands, another guy comes in. This guy doesn't work in my group, but right nearby, so I see him from time to time. We have the sort of relationship where you give the casual head nod or mumble "hey" as we pass each other in the hallway. He walks up to the urinal, staring straight ahead, and I am about 5 feet away from him, at the sink, also staring straight ahead (standard bathroom etiquette). We stand there in near silence, with only the sound of running water and soapy hands to stifle the subtle awkwardness.

Then, out of nowhere, he releases a prolific, reverberating fart that cuts through the silence like a super-heated sword through butter. I did everything in my power to stifle the unstoppable roar of laughter that would have otherwise erupted immediately. And when I say I tried, I really mean it. Sweat was coming down. I started shaking. But after a few moments of dead silence, a single snort-chuckle slipped out. Oh my god. What had I done? In that instant, he and I were linked on so many levels. We didn't DARE look at each other, but in that moment we could see into each other's souls. It was surreal. The awkwardness was almost PALPABLE. We could taste each other's fear.

Without hesitation, I turned off the water and fast-walked out of there without looking back. I didn't even finish washing my hands; they were still coated with soapy water. The moment I got out of this bathroom, or as I will forevermore refer to as the "prison of awkwardness," I burst out laughing. I'm sure he heard me as the door was closing, I'm absolutely positive, but I literally couldn't hold it back any longer. With dripping hands, I rofl'd all the way back to my desk.

I am really dreading seeing him in the hallway again, because we both know that this situation has forever changed the dynamics of our "head-nod" relationship. I'm going to have to start working weird hours or something so I can avoid these encounters when I arrive or leave work.