Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 37

Caturday 3/17/2012
Hiked Mt. Carrigain
Ass sledding: the best way to
descend the mountain

Sunday 3/18/2012
Greenman suit is back
The St. Paddy's Day hero
Wacky stuff happened

Monday 3/19/2012
It's so damn nice out
Running was enjoyable
So was that kebab

Tuesday 3/20/2012
Had to read outside
Staying late for the thesis
Totally worth it

Wednesday 3/21/2012
Dave's Fresh: always great
Avocado BLT
You're magnificent

Thursday 3/22/2012
Midnight movies rule!
Guess what definitely sucked:
The Hunger Games sucked

Friday 3/23/2012
Cool Cats rage tonight
Connect-4 flip-cup and then
some darts at the Field

Instead of watching the Hunger Games, why not rip your arm off instead?

I went and saw the midnight showing of the Hunger Games last night. It's based off a decent book that will take you 38 minutes to read because it is for children, but it involves children getting brutally murdered in it, so it's not terrible.

Unfortunately, the movie was so ridiculously over the top sappy that it felt like a 16 hour-long groan-fest. Mostly because this is what the acting was like:

Shit got real awkward

I don't want to outright say "don't see this 'movie,'" but if you decide to watch it, go into it knowing that you can have an equally entertaining experience from doing things like "brushing your teeth," "texting your landlord," or "eating an extremely bruised banana."

Also, if you're definitely going to see this movie, remember to bring this:

Pretty much the best part of my evening

30% of this hike was spent sledding on our asses

It was ridiculously gorgeous out this past weekend, so eight of us went up to NH to hike Carrigain. It's not too bad of a hike, but in the winter and spring the access road is closed, so that adds about 2 miles each way. Still though, not crazy.

Best part of the hike? Evan with gloves and no shirt.

The temperature (somewhere between "holy balls it's nice out" and "you guys. it's too perfect out right now. I need to go to a hospital") was both a benefit and a detriment. The benefit, as you can see above, was that it was so nice we got to see Evan's nips for the entire hike. The downside was that the snow was a bit melty and we would sink into the knee-deep snow every 10 or 11 steps.

The mittens aren't as helpful as she was hoping

There were a few... "precarious" river crossings before any real elevation gain. But we made it across with less than thirty incidents, so I'm counting it as a win.
We then stomped our way to the top of the mountain quite literally. We were sinking into the snow all over the place. But it was worth it, because the view from the top was ridiculous. It was a big wooden platform at the top with a 360 degree view. Apparently you can see the most amount of 4000 footers from this summit.

Mt. Washington, you think you're so cool, but you're not. You look way small from over here.

After lazing at the top for a bit, we started our descent down the mountain. I had to carefully choose my word there, because most of this descent was spent sledding down the mountain on our asses. THIS IS MY LIFE.

The best part was when Alex and I doubled up our toboggan and nearly smashed into a bunch of trees going 70 mph. SNOW IS FRICTIONLESS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (no it isn't).

Anyway, we finished the hike soaking wet. The combination of rolling around in the snow for 7 miles and stomping/falling across rivers left our feet more than a little damp. No worries though, because we all went out for Shamrock Shakes afterward. Yaaaaaay! EVERYBODY WINS EXCEPT OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS!!!

Email Correspondence with my Good Friend, Kofi

I was lucky enough to receive an email regarding a very important business opportunity a few weeks ago. I hope someone can explain where I went wrong here, because I'm still looking forward to that money. Kofi and I really need that capital to start up our business: HoverTech Inc.

Mar 5

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Sir/Madam
My name is Mr Kofi Banson Email kofi_2banson@yahoo.com I hail from the Federal Republic of Ghana,I am 49 years old, I am married with three children. I am the Opration Diretor of Global Payway Security Limited Ghana. I got the information concerning you from the foreign department of our chamber of commerce and after due consideration, I decided to contact you believing that by the Grace of God, that you will not disappoint me over this deal.

I have been working with this company for over fifteen years. Within this period, I have watched with meticulous precision how African Heads of State and Government functionaries have been using Global Payway Security Ltd to move sums of money USD, Pounds Sterling, French Francs (cash) to their foreign partners. They bring in these consignments of cash and secretly declare the contents as jewelries, gold, diamonds, precious stones, family treasures, and documents etc. Mobutu Sese Seko of Zaire (dead), Gen.Sanni Abacha of Nigeria (dead), Fode Sankoy of Sierra Leone, Babangida of Nigeria, Felix Houphet Boigny of Cote d"Ivoire (dead), Kanan Bedie of Cote d"Ivoire (Abidjan) etc.

All these people have many consignments deposited with my office. Their foreign partners, friends and relatives are claiming most of these consignments. A lot of them are lying here unclaimed for as much as eight years. Nobody will ever come for them because in most cases, the Certificate of Deposit are never available to anybody except the depositors or company since most of them are dead.I have through the instrumentality of Global Payway Security re-deposited all these unclaimed and overstayed consignment into the Vault Facility of a reputable Security Company in GHANA. Since the inception of the year 2009, our company's management has changed the procedure of claims of consignment, as soon as you are able to produce the secret information as contained in the secret file of any consignment,it will be released to you upon demand.

I have finalized every arrangement for you to claim consignment No. 2521, 1422 containing $8 Million. I will supply you with all the information and documents that will facilitate your easy claim of the consignment.Upon your positive reply of this letter,

This business is risk free as I have taken necessary preventive measures.The mode of sharing will be (50-50), you can reach me by email kofi_2banson@yahoo.com and I will direct you on what to do.Upon your positive consideration and reply of this letter. Expedite action.

Yours faithfully,
Mr Kofi Banson

Mar 5

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hello Mr. Banson,

I really appreciate your email, and look forward to doing business with you in the near future. You painted a very sorrowful story with the deaths of several of your consignments at Global Payway Security, but it appears that the result is a very beneficial business proposition to myself. So to that end, it was a very bitter-sweet email indeed.

In response to your business proposition: where do I sign up?! It seems almost too good to be true, but I certainly won't let that stop me from accepting such a generous offer. Let me know what information you need of me and hopefully this transaction will go as smoothly as possible.


I look forward to your response!

Your friend,
Chris

Mar 6

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christopher,

How are you and thanks for your mail,yes it was a very bitter-sweet email indeed you know God has a way of doing his things, well as you can see from the mail i want you to be my partner in this business so that we can work together as one as you know we need to have 100% truth and honesty between us. which i'm ready to give out from my Owen end here.i want you to understand one thing money is not evey thing but i have see that you are good man with good maid and if two of us can work together we will get things don well and please it is not any risky for you

Well I don't need to say that this is to be kept confidential but you know what i mean?how old are you and what business are you into.or where do you work ? what do you think that i can invest my money on over there,is estate business oky over there.please in this business what i need most from you is honesty? yes please honesty is the the Password here.hope to see your mail today. Well i assure you 100% risk free and secrecy in this business, do call me in the office today on +233 260901512 so that i can tell you how we are going to go about it.and do send your phone number to me in next reply.with understand and honesty we can work out every thing fine. Looking forward to your call .and email today.. Thanks, Kofi Banson

Mar 6

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi!

It was great to hear back from you! I'm doing well, and I hope you are as well.

I agree with you that in order to be business partners, 100% truth and honesty is the Password. I'm glad that "you have see that I'm a good man," and I absolutely "have good maid," so the two of us should get along just fine. I understand the importance of confidentiality, so I hope to alleviate your concerns there.

As for your questions, I am in my twenties and I work here in the United States. If you were looking to invest your money, I'd suggest you start allocating large sums of money into hover technology. I've been researching it and it looks like it's about to explode in the market scene very soon. You also asked if the estate business is "oky": I can assure you that the estate business has never been better right now. I'm actually looking into investing into some estate as we speak.

In your reply email, you mentioned something about your "Owen end," but I didn't understand what you meant by that. You said "i'm ready to give out from my Owen end here." I apologize for my confusion, but it seems like an important part of our business proposition and I want to make sure I know about your Owen end and whether I should be concerned about my lack of Owen.

Thanks, I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Chris

Mar 6

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
Thanks for the mail no what i mean by my owen end is just that i will be very honesty in what we are going to do so don't be confusion my good friend but i ask you to call me or send me your phone no, you can still call me today or you send me your phone no so that i can call you as we need to talk.

Well good to hear if the hover technology is a good business now fine by me we can invest on it do hope to hear from again today.

Thanks,
Kofi.
+233 260901512

Mar 6

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi there Kofi,

Ok, thank you for clearing up all this Owen business. Now I understand that your Owen end was in regard to the clandestine nature of the account funds. No more confusion, I get it now. I'm currently working near a tunnel right now, so I don't have access to a phone for the time being, but email should be just fine as a contact measure as I check my email 6-8 times per hour.

I'm glad you are also interested in the hover industry! I think it is a great investment for the near future. I'm going to get the ball rolling with our hover technology proposal, what do you say? Maybe we should start putting some of the claim consignment No. 2521 money towards it? Let me know what you think and we can start up the paperwork.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours truly,
Christ Opher

Mar 6

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
Well i don't know if the honesty is still there when you told me that you don't have a phone both home and office too bad.

This is a big business not a pan pal well i will send u mail from the office tomorrow.

Thanks,

Kofi

Mar 6

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi,

Great, I appreciate the response. Yeah the tunnel prevents me from making calls, so like I said, emailing is much easier if you don't mind. Thanks for understanding. I can promise you, once I get some of this money the first thing I'm planning on doing is moving away from this tunnel! I'll dedicate an entire room in my estate solely to phones. We're talking phones filling the entire room. Until then I'll have to stick to email unfortunately.

I know you're extremely busy with the paperwork for this transaction most likely, but I had another quick question about your response. You mentioned something our big business being unrelated to a pan, would you mind elaborating? You stated "This is a big business not a pan," and I'm not entirely sure to what you're referring? I can assure you that I have no intention of moving to a pan-related business. Like I said in my last email, I'm determined to break into the hover technologies.

Thanks for your responses, I look forward to discussing further tomorrow.

Your friend,
Christ J. Opher

Mar 7

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
How are you and thanks for the mail today,do please send me your full address and full name phone and fax numbers with a copy of your Int Passport or I.D card as i will use them to open a file for you in our office as one of our customer with the consignment No. 2521 i will backdeath the file to last three years.

So do let me have the infor before the day run's off.

Thanks,

Kofi.

Mar 7

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Dearest Kofi,

I've been eagerly awaiting your response. I have good news! I recently found a great company to put a bulk of our investment in! They are an international business for joint hover technologies and jet pack research. I'm glad you'll be able to backdeath the file for the last three years for me, that should help a lot for the initial investment.

You already know my full name (Christ Opher), and for the full address, do you want me to put the headquarters for the hover/jetpack research facility? I'll have to look that up for you. I don't have a fax number because I'm pretty sure those were all phased out in the 1990's. Do you think it is a good idea for me to provide my ID number? I mean, our partnership is based 100% on trust and honesty, as stated earlier, but it just seems like a big jump in our relationship. Maybe I can send along a photo of myself instead so you know that it's me? Please see attached.

Affectionately yours,
Christ J. Opher, Esq.

PS. The lions in the photograph do not belong to me.

me_and_my_lions_VERY_MAGICAL.jpg
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Mar 8

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi,

I haven't heard from you in a couple days. I was hoping we could set up this transaction sometime soon. Do you need any more information from me? I hope your Pan business that you mentioned earlier isn't keeping you too busy.

Your American Friend,
Christ Opher, MBA

Mar 9

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
How are you and thanks for the mail today, if you want to work with me you have to give me all this information that i ask you or you forget about the business so do please send me your full address and full name phone and fax numbers with a copy of your Int Passport or I.D card as i will use them to open a file for you in our office as one of our customer with the consignment No. 2521 i will backdate the file for the last three years.

So do let me have the infor before the day run's off.

Thanks,

Kofi.

Mar 9

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi there Kofi,

Sorry about that, my previous email must not have been delivered. But here's the information again. You already have my full name: Christ J. Opher, PhD. Like I said earlier, I think they stopped making fax machines back in the late 90's, so I certainly don't have the capabilities of summoning a fax number for you. As for the address, would you require my current address at my lighthouse? Or would you prefer the address of the hovercraft manufacturing headquarters? I just want to make sure we have the correct information.

As for my ID information, I'm sure you can understand that I'm not willing to give that out to anyone but my loyal business partner, Kofi. There's no need to get aggressive here, saying things like "You forget about the business." If that's really the way you feel than I just don't know you anymore. I thought our relationship was built on 100% honesty and trust and you, sir, are breaking my heart with your harsh words.

I hope you think about what you've said. Afterall I sent you my photograph, I don't see a reason for any more identification. Would you need an additional photograph, would that help? Let me know.

Yours, now and forever,
Christ Opher

Mar 9

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
How are you and thanks for the mail today, well you don't have address, you don't have I.D, you don't have cell phone ,you don't have house phone, you don't have office phone, and you can not call me i hear you sir.

Thanks,

Kofi.

Mar 9

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi, thank you for the mail today.

I appreciate your concerns for my well-being and for my personal information. However, you didn't quite answer my question for "which address you need," so I can't give you the address if I don't know whether you want the address for the lighthouse or for the headquarters of HoverTech Inc. Let me know ASAP (as soon as possible).
I do have a phone, it's just that the tunnel I mentioned earlier prevents most calls. Like I said, email communication is best.
You also never answered my question about my identification. Would another photo help? I can only assume that it would. Please see attached.

Do you need anything else? Perhaps a photo of me in a business suit would be more helpful?

Thanks for your great email, it has been inspirational to say the least,

Christ J. Opher III

Serious_typing_DEFINITELY_ME.jpg
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Mar 10

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Dear Christ,
How are you and thanks for the mail today, well address where you live or your office is oky, and copy of your I.D or copy of your int passport not your photo please and your cell phone,yor house phone, you are going to be the Owen of this box now and as the Owen our company will have all this your personal information as it will be in your file first before i will let company know that you want to pick your box up and when the check your file the will see all this personal information. to show that the box belong to you please i don't want to talk too much on this matter again

Hope to get this information by tomorrow so that i can open the file for you by Monday

Thanks,

Kofi.

Mar 10

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi,

It was great hearing from you. How is your weekend going? I hope you're able to get outside and enjoy some Sun.

Let me first say that the sheer number of misspellings and grammatical errors made your last email nearly impossible to read. I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what message you were trying to convey to me. You mentioned your friend named "Owen" a few times, but I couldn't understand what it was in reference to. The only thing that I understood was that you need another photo of me, which I will attach.

Please let me know what you were trying to say in your last email otherwise. If you don't need any additional information from me, then I'll come and pick up the box whenever is convenient for you.

Thanks, and happy holidays,

Christ Opher

this_is_definitely_what_i_look_like.jpg
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Mar 12

From: kofi_2banson

To: Christopher Severino

Sir,
Let me ask you just one thing,are you God ? if no how can only be three person Black and white only you.God have mercy brother.

Well when your ready for the business you let me know that is if i don't have anybody by then.

Thanks,

Kofi.

Mar 12

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi Kofi!

It was great hearing from you!

That was a very interesting and existential question you asked me! If I had to think about it, I guess I would say that we're all God in a small way, right? If you assume that a religious man carries out God's work, then isn't he himself a little bit of God? Thank you for asking though! I can assure you that if I was the creator of our Universe and everything inside it, I'd let you know.

As for the photographs, it's probably just an optical illusion. My friend is a photographer and he likes to use different light filters and apertures, so that might change the shading in the room a little bit. I am certainly not "three person Black and white only [me]."

I was hoping we'd be able to complete our transaction soon now that you mention it. I've been talking with the Hover Inc. leaders, and we're all very interested in getting our investment underway. It was confusing when you suggested that you'd have "somebody else" for this proposition because I feel like we've definitely bonded over the past few days and that our business relationship has been flourishing.

It was great talking with you!

Christ Opher, G.O.D.

Mar 12

From: Christopher Severino

To: kofi_2banson

Hi there Kof,

I haven't heard back from you in a while. I was just wondering where we stand with the business transaction. Please let me know, I'm eagerly awaiting your response. I have the CEO of HoverWorld LLC waiting on our decision.

Thanks,

Christ

Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 36

Caturday 3/10/2012
Skyrim, BBQ
What else is necessary?
Dave makes some good ribs

Sunday 3/11/2012
Great day for hiking
Traipsing through someone's backyard
and up two mountains

Monday 3/12/2012
It's tuxedo time
followed by secondary
fermenting the beer

Tuesday 3/13/2012
Beautiful day out
Time for a run... and visit
the Greek gyro truck

Wednesday 3/14/2012
Working all day hurts
Physically and mentally
I need new South Park

Thursday 3/15/2012
All-nighter again
The Book of Mormon soundtrack
Repeated all night

Friday 3/16/2012
Worst thesis day yet
I'm just gonna work all day
and then read all night

"Suck it, Day Light Savings"

AYFKMB? The weather was perfect for hiking. I'll let the pictures do the talking:

It's too clear out. I don't want to see Lake Winnipesaukee.

"Look at all the stuff I own!"

My phone can kiiiiiiiind of take ok panoramas

Anyway, I'm done with letting the pictures doing the talking. It's my turn now. I went hiking on Sunday with two adventure enthusiasts: Alex "X" Mandeville and Sterling (Stone-)Wall (Jackson). And despite the fact that it is early March in the White Mountains, a time when the weather is normally all "fuck you I do what I want. Here's 30 feet of snow." Instead, the weather was like "have fun guys lol." And have fun we did. We hiked Passaconaway and Whiteface, which, I'm not sure if you noticed in the pictures, have insane viewpoints. Saying that it took us 6.5 hours to hike is unfair because spent a significant amount of time prancing along the view areas saying "WTF I CAN SEE FOREVER" every 10 steps.

We started the day at fuck o'clock in the morning so we could drive up and start hiking at 7:30. In case you're ever thinking of driving Route 113a in New Hampshire, make sure that you hate your car, because that road is a bumpy, horrible mess and I'm pretty sure my car aged about 13 years with that drive. But anyway, we started the hike from the south of the mountains (definitely recommend this: it is a shorter hike with moar viewpoints). You start off traipsing through some backyards and then up to a trail we ended up calling "Wiggums Trail" even though I'm pretty sure it is not called that. This was the sign "suggested":

"Not recommended. Steep and loose."

So nearly a "that's what she said" joke. But when a sign says "not recommended" and then you go anyway, understand that you will most likely regret your decision. We saw that only one person before us had headed up this path, and judging by the 3 foot deep foot/leg holes we were following, it was going to be a "strenuous" portion of the hike. And we decided to go with microspikes instead of snowshoes, so... good luck! It turned out to be really fun with some decent views of the "bowl" between the mountains, albeit steep and snowy. It was really scrambly at parts, which is a tad difficult with my hand that is still exploded from a month ago. But after countless hours toiling up to the ridge, we made it up to some ridiculous view areas (see above). We spent some time derping around up there and then went up to summit Whiteface. There were some icy scrambles, which led to Sterling saying something to the effect of "if the guy who invented microspikes were here right now, I'd probably go down on him." Niiiiiiiiiice.

The actual "summit" has no view, but right before the summit is a... monstrous lookout. You could see Mt. Washington, Winnipesaukee, a shitload of other stuff; it was great. There were a few downs/ups/downs/ups, but we eventually made it to summit Passaconaway soon after. Another great view near the summit. We then raced down the mountain, ass-sledding half the time. The snow was starting to melt and it was 50 degrees out and there were dogs: so awesome. At the end of the hike there were these two ENORMOUS DOGS that came and played for a bit. One of their footprints was bear sized. No joke.

Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 35

I've legitimately used these haikus to go back and look up what dates specific events have occurred.

Caturday 3/3/2012
Game of Thrones board game:
Extremely complicated.
Extremely awesome.

Sunday 3/4/2012
Brewing two batches
A pale ale and honey ale
I must wait a month?!

Monday 3/5/2012
Thesis is evil
It might be the death of me
Why won't it be done?

Tuesday 3/6/2012
What a shitty week
Jurassic Park must happen
And China Deright

Wednesday 3/7/2012
This day has improved
Korean BBQ. YUM.
Pork and steak save souls

Thursday 3/8/2012
Another long day
Devouring tasty food
Potluck wins again

Friday 3/9/2012
College basketball
Making friends with bartenders
Free drinks abounding

Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 34

I am... almost capable of using my hand again

Caturday 2/25/2012
Time to walk Lexie
Valley Forge does not calm her
Victory brews might...

Sunday 2/26/2012
We have to drive back?
This weekend was much too short
At least I'm well fed

Monday 2/27/2012
Fucking finally
Trading my cast for a splint
I can type! Kinda...

Tuesday 2/28/2012
Free IHOP shortstack
It's finally pancake day!
I could still eat more

Wednesday 2/29/2012
Leap Day thesising
I must Skyrim my brains out
If I make it home

Thursday 3/1/2012
No sleeping tonight
Researching at Tufts doop doop
I have lost my mind

Friday 3/2/2012
Somerville theater
Showing "From Russia with Love"
Holy balls that's great