Haiku-a-Day Challenge: Week 16

You never realize how much you hate 5-syllable words until you writing haikus. "Congratulations?" Are you fucking kidding me bro? I WANT TO SAY MOAR THINGS.

Caturday 10/22/2011
First day of P.T.
Watched Head of the Charles rowers
Monkey suit Loj times

Yes, this is indeed a picture of me in a monkey suit doing pull-ups while being fed beer out of a growler

Sunday 10/23/2011
Pissed off some people
While eating a yummy brunch
Zombie shows all night

Monday 10/24/2011
Thesis meeting: yay
"Horrible Bosses": great film
China Deright time

Tuesday 10/25/2011
Stones game in P.T.
Gorilla feet pick up rocks
Test next week? Surprise!

Wednesday 10/26/2011
Class and thesis work
Shit, Wednesdays are just the worst
Some dude scraped my car

Thursday 10/27/2011
Free Kickass cupcake
Boston's first snow of the year
Halloween potluck

Friday 10/28/2011
Halloweeny stuffs
Pumpxseeds and apple cider
Shit's getting festive

Trust Me, You Should Be Jealous of my Dreams

Holy crap, I am the greatest at having the best dreams ever. I'm not even exaggerating. If you ever get the opportunity to be in some crazy science experiment to be transplanted into my dreams, even for one day, you should absolutely take advantage of that seemingly insane option. Sure, it might be a trick to steal all your organs or splice your DNA with a turtle so that you can live in a sewer and learn ninja skills from a talking rat so that you can fight crime, but if it's not, mmmm boy: you're in for a treat.

This weekend I had an epic recreation session in Portland, Maine (to make up for a concussion-y, theft-ful ski trip in New Hampshire the other night) with a renegade band of misfits bent on super awesometimes at Maine breweries. I don't know if it was this particular "Cribz-level mansion-esque hotel room that only cost $40," but my dreams were of the highest caliber. I won't be able to do it justice by explaining it, but take my word for it: it was some serious shit. It was literally the funniest dream I've ever had. I laughed so hard in the dream that I actually started rofling really hard in real life. To the point where I woke everyone up in the hotel room, including myself.

And if I'm not having the most lol-ful dreams in the world, I'm having the most epic adventure dreams that have ever been conceived. Trust me: every one of my dreams could be an awesome movie, and you should want to be a part of them (don't ask me how, because I'm pretty sure Inception isn't possible yet). To sate you until that day comes, here are a few more dreams from my freshman year:

3/23/05

My Dad, sister, and I were creeping through an empty, deserted building to stay away from creatures that attack people. It was on a beach somewhere (I don't know why I wrote that. Knowing the setting of this edifice does literally nothing for the plot of the dream). I wanted to play a casino-shark-looking guy in a crazy, made-up card game for some reason, assuming that by playing a guy who is really good at cards, I will win. Logical.

There was also some winter scene dream in which some Tufts friends and I had to escape an ice fortress by sledding down a mountain.

3/24/05

I was setting up for a game of dodgeball. Not many people were there yet: just me, Matt, and some girls whom I went to middle school with. We played a round, then my Tufts friends and I went to a store in Davis Square. I met a guy in the square, who set a date and time for when I was going to die. I later learned that it was the Grim Reaper. I was able to get out of it by hiding in a bush, so he scheduled another place to kill me. When I showed up (I actually showed up to my pre-scheduled meeting for death? That doesn't sound like something I would do), I ran around telling people that he was trying to kill me. He didn't want to do it in front of everyone, so he made another appointment.

Later, I was trying to study prehistoric fish for some test. I went to lunch with a few Muslim students at Tufts. They got mad that I played a violent sport like dodgeball, so they kicked me out of the room. Well THAT was unfriendly of them!

3/26/05

I was dreaming about my housing situation at Tufts, but then had to go out to dinner. I forgot my shoes and realized that there was a party in the room that I left them in, and I needed a toga to get in. Luckily, I had just taken a shower, and had a towel on.

Back at Tufts, no one knew where Arlen was. Suddenly, we were going to war with seven different territories of creatures that looked like they were from the Never Ending Story. We beat three so far. That was it. Man, that looked like it was about to get good.

3/28/05

The dream began with a lot of my friends and some randos at a dinner party. One or two zombies showed up about mid-way through. We tried killing them by bashing their skulls, but it was very difficult. They started turning some of the guests into zombies by biting them. At this point, about half the attendees were zombies. Some girl came up to talk to me and said something really dumb. I was great at detecting who is a zombie (this is a recurring ability of mine in all my zombie dreams. I think it is the most valuable skill set during the zombie apocalypse), and discovered that she was in the process of becoming a zombie. I hit her in the head with a pipe, but she didn't die, and for some reason, this meant that she was clearly a zombie (yikes, I can't believe the "are you a zombie?" test includes smashing somebody in the head, and if it doesn't smash their brains out, they are a zombie. Rough place to live for sure). Some girl named Karen (how do I know her name and why is it relevant? The shit I choose to write down is pretty boggling sometimes) asked me how I could detect zombies. While she asked, one of the zombies started attacking her, but I saved her. I was about to run out the door with her, since almost everyone inside was a zombie by now. I called out to Gary and Jordan (friends from home and Tufts, respectively) to escape with me, but they told me that they couldn't because they were turning into zombies.

Karen and I ran out while the zombies tried to follow. We ran to the top of the Tufts hill. The zombie version of Jimmy (my best friend) came at us, but I talked to him and got through to the last remnants of his human side, and instead of attacking us, he helped us. He showed us a trail to go down the hill secretly, so we were able to get away. Karen was now Lauren (my girlfriend at the time). We walked through Medford, seeing warrants for our arrest as we tried to escape. We stole a car and got away. Then Lauren started singing a song, which turned out to be the song that was playing on my alarm clock, so I woke up.

Dream Journal Early 2007

Holy fuck my dreams are so weird.

1/1/07

In my dream I had to do a lot more work for my fluids class (I should explain that the previous semester, in which I had taken Fluids class, had recently ended. It was a difficult class. Don't fuck with Reynold's numbers). My professor gave us two additional tests after our final was already over, and I actually did them in my dream. Also, I learned and played a lot of games involving knees and flying while attacking things. It was a weird game. (I should also explain that I had recently had knee surgery after tearing my ACL that year. Like...two days prior to this dream. I guess I was still thinking about it...)

1/3/07

My Mom was going over a test with me and eating Chinese food. I was getting pissed because I wanted to take a shower, but all my shower stuff was disgusting from my Mom's food getting all over it. Then she dumped out all my crayons. (How old am I? Crayons?)

Later, I went to Little People (my old day-care) to take a nap with a wrestling helmet. Then I went across the street where my friend Geoff was doing carpenter stuff (what the fuck is "carpenter stuff?"). I slid up a ramp to him because there was no friction.

1/4/07

I played a huge game of dodgeball. I was really good at catching. I have a feeling I really liked this dream.

1/10/07

I was at an amusement park area with a bunch of people, but it felt like I was in a movie. I had to give some guy $5 for tax software for some reason. Then me and Jimmy went exploring. Later on, we found some of the other people again, but zombies were attacking. Some were zombies of celebrities, and tricked others to come near them, but ended up attacking them and turning everyone but me and Jimmy into zombies. It actually turned out to be the movie that I was watching at the amusement park though.

1/12/07

I was able to derive the Navier-Stokes equations on Jeopardy. I also had to go to my 11th grade History class because I had apparently missed a test, and I had to choose a project to do. I chose to do my project on opium. Where the hell did this come from?

1/16/07

I was packing to go home really late at night in one of my dreams. Some friends were over, and Olsen said that if you light a lighter after thunder and count until the flame goes out, that's how many paces a ghost is from you. It really freaked me out in the dream.

In another dream, I was a sniper in a helicopter, and the enemy was shooting anti-aircraft missiles at us. I was able to shoot all the missiles before they hit us.

1/24/07

I was in France in some Twilight Zone kind of place, where if I left a building I would die, but the building was like Death's waiting room or something stupid. Then I took a tiny cab to Talloires, France. Lauren and I visited my host family, but Lauren was really rude. Emmanuel, my host brother, had hurt his neck.

1/25/07

Me and Cronin were playing some Mortal Kombat game because we were stuck at a toy store until our train arrived. Then it turned into a game where I was a rabbit stealing stuff at some mansion.

2/5/07

It was my birthday and I was on vacation on some tropical island (wow, a dream about my birthday ON my birthday!) I stole some weird little trinket from a store for Lauren. Later on, Gary was telling me how his old girlfriend sucked.

In another dream, I was taking classes at my old day-care. I was doing a self-portrait in charcoal. Matt Higger was also in my drawing class, and he was pretty good.

The last dream was about some really old vampire movie, which switched to a movie about shady trains in the snow of Eastern Europe (wtf does that mean?). Then Dodgeball House had to give a presentation on potatoes. That seems really interesting.

2/26/07

Jordan and I were sneaking around the Fogg, (a museum near Harvard where we went for our drawing class) at night. We had to scramble around a bunch of pipes so some guy wouldn't see us. Then I was in charge of a drinking and driving program. I was running around the school, but it looked like it was a level in Resident Evil. I had to build a fire at one point.

3/1/07

A bunch of my friends were living at a house similar to Dodgeball House. I had to travel to some nearby city, but was attacked by two guys. They tried to kill me, so I attempted to out-run them. I ran into a building and ran around it like a maze, eventually coming up behind them and stomping on one of their heads (holy crap!). When I got back to the house, a bunch of people were watching TV in my room. Jimmy came over, but then quickly left after finding no snacks.

3/5/07

Me and some other people were lost in an underground system of really small tunnels. There were some bug-people, but they didn't do much except stand around. I took out a pocket knife and cut a hole in the side to get out; somehow I was able to saw through the studs in the wall. Also, we stole a bunch of sweatshirts (I'm not sure how that fits in with the rest of this story). When we got out, some guy started shooting at us with a really weak laser. I snuck up behind him and stole the laser gun. I shot him a couple times, and then lectured him not to use it again. Later on, I pretended I was retarded at the mall. I'm going to go ahead and end with that one....

Dreams from the Summer after Sophomore Year

For part of this summer I was abroad in Talloires, France, and was about to move in to Dodgeball House for the first time, so these might come up in some of these dreams. Oh yeah, I guess I should mention that I took a "Flowers of the Alps" class in France. That's right. It counted as a liberal arts science credit AND I became a friggn expert on flowers. Impressed? You better be.

6/20/06

I'm going to start off here just to inform you that NOT ONE THING IN THIS ENTIRE DREAM makes ANY sense. Enjoy.

My dream had a kind of Star Wars theme to it. In the end however, some girl was shooting at me and my Dad, who was actually Randy Marsh, on a boat. I was trying to save the report that I was writing, so I knocked her out with a basketball. I apologize for how random and stupid this dream is. I'm sure it made sense when I wrote it, but what the hell.

6/22/06

In one of my classes, we had to read a book and then play a videogame of the book. The handheld controller was made of cheese though, and I'm not sure what that means, but I couldn't use it. There was also a part where we were swinging over ravines with Poison Ivy vines, and the Batman character Poison Ivy was there. Yet another retarded situation.

6/26/06

I was working for the Queen of some African country, and we thought the building we were in was going to be bombed. Instead of stopping the bombers, we decided to go upstairs to pack our stuff and leave the country. The whole dream was pretty much just packing. AYFKMB??? I had a dream about packing a suitcase? What?

7/6/06

I was on some kind of trip, and a guy I didn't know said he would give me and two other guys a lot of money to eat dog crap. One of the guys I was with agreed, and he ate a juicy turd. I was sickened and started to cough. I actually started to cough in real life, which woke me up.

7/14/06

The dream started with Jimmy and Lauren trying to mash up some music onto some anime while I was at work. Then me and a few others, including Jimmy, had to escape some warehouse in the woods full of zombies. We jumped off a stone wall into a stream, where I slipped. We eventually met up with Dick Wang (ok, Dick Wang rode my bus in high school. I was the one to give him that nickname. It wasn't really a stretch; his real name is Richard Wang, but I was somehow the first person to think of it) at some apartment complex. Jimmy threw a stuffed animal at him, which Dick Wang then threw off a couple stories. We were in Germany, and I had to walk to a train station in France. I eventually met up with people, including Colin (a friend from home), who were hiding secret gears from some evil guy who was upstairs. We were planning on escaping. While we tried to converse over a phone system in his basement, something went wrong. I pretended to be weight lifting when he came down. Later, a lot of us had wagers on our friend who was boxing. He won in the end. One of our guys heckled two of the other guy's friends. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE. I was clearly still half-asleep when I wrote this. I use pronouns all over the place like it's my job, and I have NO IDEA to whom I am referring.

7/17/06

Some older guys led me and a lot of other people to a weird old restaurant. Then they started cutting off peoples' hands and other body parts to cook up for food. Some people tried to run away, but alarms went off and all the doors locked. A guy tried jumping into the river running through the middle of the building, but it was too shallow and he died. Me and a few others escaped somehow and ran down the long trail through the trees (we were in a jungle) to get away. Some of the cannibals were chasing us, and big bats kept attacking us if we got too close to the edge of the cliff (like in one of the levels in Mariokart). I ran really hard, and eventually we got to our hotel, where there was a small plane ready to leave. We started the plane, taxiing back onto the trail we just came from. Some of the people we were running from tried to stop us, but we got by them. We almost made it to the cliff where we could fly off from, but one of the cannibal guys held a kid up in front of the plane to stop us. I jumped out and pushed them out of the way. I grabbed the side of the door as the plane went over the cliff, climbed in, and we escaped.

7/26/06

I was in charge of security and had to stop a tiny man who came into the building. He got caught in a spider web, but it turns out there were like ten of these guys who eventually grew way bigger (that's what she said) and then got arrested. Later, me and a few others had to mop up a bunch of weird blue stuff that was growing and infecting the building.

8/2/06

I dreamed that Jimmy and I were moving into Dodgeball House. I was waiting for all my Tufts friends while Jimmy was driving a goldfish on a remote controlled car. Jordan eventually showed up, but his hair was dyed in a strange rainbow.

8/15/06

I dreamed that the zombie disease started spreading at the Desmond (the hotel where I worked part of that summer) after I told one of the front desk people not to help an infected guest. I warned Nick, another bellman, who was asleep in the "Desmond Barracks." (whatever that is) Then I warned my friends and we tried getting away. I got the sunglasses that can detect if people are vampires, which is apparently what the disease turned into instead of zombies. I could see who was a vampire and could shine a flashlight at them to hurt them. There was some super-vampire who was invisible, and she killed a whole unit of army guys. Then she killed my Dad. She went after my Mom, but my Mom stabbed and killed the vampire first. But the disease transferred to her first, so now my Mom was the new super-vampire. She came after me and my brother (I have a brother now I guess?) who was actually Kyle, trying to kill us, because now she was crazy. I started eating some sacred beef jerky that could stop the vampire process somehow (only I can come up with this kind of stuff), but I woke up first, right as my Mom was about to kill me and Kyle.

In my second dream, a dracula-type vampire trapped us at the end of a pier. Sharks were gathering in order to eat us as we came closer to the edge.

8/24/06

I had several small dreams. One was of me clearing a house of zombies with a bunch of different guns like in Resident Evil. Then my friends and I had to go figure out a mystery. Apparently I turn into a super-detective/Scooby Doo groupie in some of my dreams.